bladerunner
New member
Update is out now, sorry I couldn’t post it here it was way too long. Here’s the link:
I’m going to try and break this post up in the comments as it wouldn’t submit all at once for some reason so here. I really need advice, and to see that I’m not alone in this. I need to know if I was in the right or wrong here. I don’t care what you say, as long as it’s legitimate help. Please.
I am a 16 year old guy, with Indian parents from Sri Lanka, who both can speak English well without accents. With this context, my mom married my dad in an arranged marriage around when they were 21, and had my older brother (17M) around a year later. My mom never went past high school, but my dad has a masters and is an engineer for a military program at Boeing.
Growing up, I loved my family, but lately, not so much. Part of the reason could be because I became a teen, as I feel that is when things started to spiral out of control, and that’s where my life starting going downhill. From as far back as I can remember, I have been a good student. I was top of my class in 5th grade, and was 2 grade levels advanced in math. And I had a 3.9 GPA up to the start of 8th grade. During the end of 7th, we went virtual, and I remained that way in 8th grade, and due to my dads work, moved across the country and changed schools. As a result of all my advanced classes and extra curricular went down the drain.
Because I’m not the most enthusiastic student, I hated virtual school so much that I began to try to skip/cheat the system. I began to google answers and assignments, and be absentee during zoom calls, and etc, until I learned that you couldn’t be held back in middle school as a virtual student. So I stopped showing up completely.
However, I passed and moved on to high school, and went in person to that. I got a 3.8 and then a 4.0 for 9th grade semesters one and two. Now let me go back a little to my gaming life.
I am a huge gamer. I loved to play games since I was like 8 or 9 when I got my first phone ages ago. Now you might think that’s weird, but I am a T1 diabetic, and to used a thing called a Dexcom, I needed to have an iPhone, so my parents could use this app to make sure my glucose was ok at all times. Anyways I’ve been a heavy mobile gamer, hitting Rank 2 nationally in Pixel (g-word) 3d, Champion in War Robots, Masters in Clash of Clans, and etc. Then I got an Xbox. So as a kid I definitely was addicted to those games, because I would play them all the time, and sometimes overnight. Then when my parents set restrictions, and removed those games, I bypassed them. Nothing crazy, not for ages, but it annoyed them a ton.
Then at one point, my older brother and I, got used MacBooks with my dad, and that was awesome. I tried to be responsible and set boundaries, particularly because of my moms (kind) threats, and didn’t overly use it. I never watched YouTube, played games, I only played chess and scratch games, and made my own.
Then my mom got mad at my older brother and dad, for using their MacBooks too much, and she snapped both of them in half. And so my dad took mine.
I didn’t really care though, when me and my older brother got iPads, as a gift. We were still pretty young, and kids, and I remember not being overly addicted, but gaming was for sure my favorite pastime. Then at one point, during a dinner, after we were done using our pads for the day, my brother threw up, and I don’t remember why, but my mom snapped and destroyed both of our iPads. And then one day me and my brother stayed up for a game event on our Xbox (far after the ipad thing) and got caught playing around 10 or 11, and our mom obliterated that as well.
Now we were used to this, and eventually, we got another Xbox a whole summer later. Now at this point I’d like to say I am not at fault here, as I tried to be as responsible as possible. I didn’t ‘sneak out’ as it was called in my family, and I wasn’t addicted, at least I think, and things were good. My little brother was born then, and everything changed.
My little brother was a preemie and when he was born, my parents started rightfully paying attention to him. This only means that they no longer ate dinner with us, or read us stories, just little things. But before that I was the favorite child and it was hard to adjust, because I found I couldn’t eat my meals without throwing up, and I was always wide awake, or extremely tired, dizzy, or had extreme headaches. And so when my dad realized what was happening to me (I lost tons of weight in a unhealthy way) I was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, and so my parents started to take care of me again a lot. Really nothing more happened here.
And then during our move across the country, my mom bought us laptops for virtual school, and I became a laptop gamer. I played extremely competitive games like Valorant and CS GO. If you’ve played those, it’s so different from mobile and console games, where you can leave with no real punishment. You get afk queue timers and temporary bans for leaving games. So at this time, my parents didn’t understand that not matter how much we explained this to them, that things got worse. During our move, my mom got pregnant, with my twin little brothers (who are 14 years younger than me) and so when we got our new house, we had to make a lot of baby furniture.
One day, during a Valorant comp game, my and my older brother were asked to leave and build a crib for the nursery (my bros weren’t born just yet) which was after multiple times of being asked to load the dishes in games, so we already had tons of penalties. Also, my parents didn’t give us times to use our laptops, so we’d have to leave games when our parents decided and etc, so that wasn’t good overall for my gaming hobby. And here were couldn’t, as we’d just finished waiting out week long bans, and didn’t want these to escalate further.
My mom threw a huge fit, and completely took away our computers until further notice. I didn’t have an xbox here, because my mom donated it because of another incident like this, (re: I didn’t immediately end my game when she asked me to do the dishes. So I had no electronics for a long while, around a whole summer (definitely longer). Now during this time, this wasn’t our only punishment. She completely avoided talking to us, as me and my older brother share a room in our finished basement, while everyone else in my family sleeps upstairs. And eventually, she began to express concern, when my blood sugar went extremely low once, and I went into a diabetic coma. After I recovered, I told her how bored I was and she allowed me to move her HP desktop downstairs as my new pc. (She had broken/lost my laptop.) I began to game again.
Now my house has a pool btw, and I am kinda like our pool guy, as I do everything related to the pool. I also set up a lot of the furniture in the house, the tvs, speaker system, and lights as well. (Im the helpful tech kid.) So one day, during a comp match, my mom randomly asked me to put on the pool cover. I told her I couldn’t, as I was in an important game, so she went on the router app I installed and set up, and blocked my Wi-Fi. (This became her way of policing us.) I furiously… did as she asked and then asked her to unblock my wifi connection, and she said no because I refused to help the first time, and I told her I helped, and was in an extremely important game, and she still refused and said I couldn’t for the rest of the day.
I now made a horrible mistake, as I argued with her, saying but that’s so unfair, and called it stupid, and she told me I couldn’t play for the rest of the week. Then I said she’s probably gonna take away the computer at this point, and she extended it to a month. Extremely sad, and in tears, I went down. But my mom wasn’t done with me. She kept yelling and extended the punishment to a year, then forever. She did take away the computer. This was in 8th grade summer. So my older brother had already lost his laptop privileges earlier, and now we had nothing to do.
But that wasn’t it for my mom. She began to punish us in a new way. She woke us up at 9:50 every day, with a glass of water to the face, kicked us out into our backyard, and made us stay outside, giving us lunch, and taking us back inside when my dad came home, so that she wouldn’t have to deal with us. This lasted the whole summer. Then school started, and she became pretty nice again, buying us clothes. So now I was determined to get good grades, but I didn’t want anyone else to know, so when my mom saw this as an opportunity. She said if I had good grades (all A’s) I would earn my computer back.
So I tried my best, and got a 4.0 second semester (that was the one she said I need all A’s for) and I got the computer back, for three days. She gave me one hour each day for two days and then all of a sudden, added a new rule, no weekends. I was like, alright, you said everyday, but whatever 5 days a week still pretty good. Then she remove Friday as well, and then one day, I had a game that lasted an hour twenty. My mom didn’t get mad on the spot, but that was the last day I played the whole summer. I was furious by the end. Also I must mention that my mom only gives us our phones with mobile games if we have all A’s at the time, even for school. And that was after freshman year, where I could only watch YouTube, through screen time glitches. But when I got home, she would take my phone, leaving me with my school Chromebook, but without a Wi-Fi connection, as my mom disabled it. So me and my brother found a work around. I began to code scratch games, as you can do that offline, and my brother loaded up his YouTube videos at school and downloaded pdf books.
It was truly awful, and my mom blocked that too near the end of the year, and my new work around was… going to sleep as soon as I got home and showered.
So recently I’ve tried to get my mom to allow me to use my computer again, but she keeps refusing, saying I’m too irresponsible, and does the same with my phone. As far as I know, I’m the only high schooler who’s phone has a 1 minute screen time limit on everything. So until today, I’ve exploited a glitch where I can use chess.com through Quizlet, and my mom blocked that, and I snapped. My phone said I was on it for nine hours today, (which I would never play chess for 9 HOURS) which I blame on the auto lock never setting on my phone, and she said that was extremely unhealthy, and that I was addicted to chess. Until recently, I couldn’t even text on my phone, as one of my (irl) friends made a ‘your mom’ joke, and my mom snapped saying he was insulting her, and that I should defend her, and she messaged him about it, completely embarrassing me, and blocked him, and removed my messages. I snapped and called her insecure. I also can’t download apps, so any apps that teachers ask us to install in class, I can’t install. To make things worse I recently made it into NHS, and to fill out a survey, I needed google classroom and a browser, which I couldn’t do, but desperately need to for an event, so I had to hard reset my phone to do it. And she punished me for that btw.
Also recently I became a huge soccer fanatic and got a few soccer apps, (for teams) and my mom blocked those as well. And recently I applied for a job, so this summer I don’t have to be at home and experience what happened last summer, and I finally got one, but my mom is refusing to drive me to the orientation, and my dad can’t because of work, and she says I'm gonna get someone (k-worded) or (s-word), and then blame it on her, saying she let me work (btw she agreed initially after my NHS event, and I accepted, but now she says crazy stuff like she never said that, and she’s gonna sue the company for hiring a (young person) without her permission) and I can’t do that either now. She doesn’t let us go to the library anymore, saying we only got there to use the computers (partially true) and we can’t even watch tv. I’m going insane from the stress.
My dad is ok, but he never defends me from my mom. He witnessed me staying up late, studying for the ap world exam, multiple days, and when my mom accused me of not actually studying, he said nothing. Also he has seriously (b-word) me with a tennis racket, and my mom edged him on, and my mom has (c-word) my older brother with a (sharp thing), and this is just messed up. Is that normal? I don’t know anymore.
I’m going crazy, with my own lack of care for my medical condition, but it’s just too much you know, pressure from my parents, I want to go to a good college, but I also want to have friends and enjoy life, and I also want to game and be good at that again. I want to be able to talk to my old friends who I so badly miss. (I can only talk to them with my one minute on Snapchat and discord.) some days I’m so tired and bored I just fall asleep. I exercise in the nighttime when no one is watching, as I was overweight during quarantine, and now I’m pretty lean, (lost almost 60 pounds) and I am struggling seeing the point of everything. And a lot of the time, I can’t help but think that it’s my fault. That my mom doesn’t care because of me. That no one loves me because I’m just not a good person. Don’t get me wrong though. I’m not having s-thoughts. I would never end anyone’s life, let alone my own. But I just want to run away. Be free from all this stress for once. Any help advice or anything would be greatly appreciated.
More examples of bad moments: my mom once (b-word) me until my hands (another b-word) (that’s ok if there’s a reason right) but for going outside in my pajamas, because the neighbors could see me (that’s no reason at all right?). And other times when I was younger and even in good days, she tells me I was a surprise baby, and that a was a blessing, unexpected and everything. But other days she tells me that she should have listened to her mother in law, and (a-worded) me because she wasn’t ready. I actually cared about that, and her when I was younger, and (c-word) myself. But then I realized how stupid I was and how bad it hurt, and regretted it, and then made a promise to myself to prove everyone wrong. (Pretty sad I know.) My eight year old brother gets his own TV, laptop, room, and snacks, while I don’t get any one of those to myself. He’s 8 years younger than me.
He is often times nice then mean. I’ve tried to be a better brother lately, and I bring him snacks from my school if I can, but often times he’s super rude to me and disrespectful.
I don’t have any family friends, close friends or other family outside of school that I can go to so there’s that.
If you chose to read all of that and can help, THANK YOU!
I’m going to try and break this post up in the comments as it wouldn’t submit all at once for some reason so here. I really need advice, and to see that I’m not alone in this. I need to know if I was in the right or wrong here. I don’t care what you say, as long as it’s legitimate help. Please.
I am a 16 year old guy, with Indian parents from Sri Lanka, who both can speak English well without accents. With this context, my mom married my dad in an arranged marriage around when they were 21, and had my older brother (17M) around a year later. My mom never went past high school, but my dad has a masters and is an engineer for a military program at Boeing.
Growing up, I loved my family, but lately, not so much. Part of the reason could be because I became a teen, as I feel that is when things started to spiral out of control, and that’s where my life starting going downhill. From as far back as I can remember, I have been a good student. I was top of my class in 5th grade, and was 2 grade levels advanced in math. And I had a 3.9 GPA up to the start of 8th grade. During the end of 7th, we went virtual, and I remained that way in 8th grade, and due to my dads work, moved across the country and changed schools. As a result of all my advanced classes and extra curricular went down the drain.
Because I’m not the most enthusiastic student, I hated virtual school so much that I began to try to skip/cheat the system. I began to google answers and assignments, and be absentee during zoom calls, and etc, until I learned that you couldn’t be held back in middle school as a virtual student. So I stopped showing up completely.
However, I passed and moved on to high school, and went in person to that. I got a 3.8 and then a 4.0 for 9th grade semesters one and two. Now let me go back a little to my gaming life.
I am a huge gamer. I loved to play games since I was like 8 or 9 when I got my first phone ages ago. Now you might think that’s weird, but I am a T1 diabetic, and to used a thing called a Dexcom, I needed to have an iPhone, so my parents could use this app to make sure my glucose was ok at all times. Anyways I’ve been a heavy mobile gamer, hitting Rank 2 nationally in Pixel (g-word) 3d, Champion in War Robots, Masters in Clash of Clans, and etc. Then I got an Xbox. So as a kid I definitely was addicted to those games, because I would play them all the time, and sometimes overnight. Then when my parents set restrictions, and removed those games, I bypassed them. Nothing crazy, not for ages, but it annoyed them a ton.
Then at one point, my older brother and I, got used MacBooks with my dad, and that was awesome. I tried to be responsible and set boundaries, particularly because of my moms (kind) threats, and didn’t overly use it. I never watched YouTube, played games, I only played chess and scratch games, and made my own.
Then my mom got mad at my older brother and dad, for using their MacBooks too much, and she snapped both of them in half. And so my dad took mine.
I didn’t really care though, when me and my older brother got iPads, as a gift. We were still pretty young, and kids, and I remember not being overly addicted, but gaming was for sure my favorite pastime. Then at one point, during a dinner, after we were done using our pads for the day, my brother threw up, and I don’t remember why, but my mom snapped and destroyed both of our iPads. And then one day me and my brother stayed up for a game event on our Xbox (far after the ipad thing) and got caught playing around 10 or 11, and our mom obliterated that as well.
Now we were used to this, and eventually, we got another Xbox a whole summer later. Now at this point I’d like to say I am not at fault here, as I tried to be as responsible as possible. I didn’t ‘sneak out’ as it was called in my family, and I wasn’t addicted, at least I think, and things were good. My little brother was born then, and everything changed.
My little brother was a preemie and when he was born, my parents started rightfully paying attention to him. This only means that they no longer ate dinner with us, or read us stories, just little things. But before that I was the favorite child and it was hard to adjust, because I found I couldn’t eat my meals without throwing up, and I was always wide awake, or extremely tired, dizzy, or had extreme headaches. And so when my dad realized what was happening to me (I lost tons of weight in a unhealthy way) I was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, and so my parents started to take care of me again a lot. Really nothing more happened here.
And then during our move across the country, my mom bought us laptops for virtual school, and I became a laptop gamer. I played extremely competitive games like Valorant and CS GO. If you’ve played those, it’s so different from mobile and console games, where you can leave with no real punishment. You get afk queue timers and temporary bans for leaving games. So at this time, my parents didn’t understand that not matter how much we explained this to them, that things got worse. During our move, my mom got pregnant, with my twin little brothers (who are 14 years younger than me) and so when we got our new house, we had to make a lot of baby furniture.
One day, during a Valorant comp game, my and my older brother were asked to leave and build a crib for the nursery (my bros weren’t born just yet) which was after multiple times of being asked to load the dishes in games, so we already had tons of penalties. Also, my parents didn’t give us times to use our laptops, so we’d have to leave games when our parents decided and etc, so that wasn’t good overall for my gaming hobby. And here were couldn’t, as we’d just finished waiting out week long bans, and didn’t want these to escalate further.
My mom threw a huge fit, and completely took away our computers until further notice. I didn’t have an xbox here, because my mom donated it because of another incident like this, (re: I didn’t immediately end my game when she asked me to do the dishes. So I had no electronics for a long while, around a whole summer (definitely longer). Now during this time, this wasn’t our only punishment. She completely avoided talking to us, as me and my older brother share a room in our finished basement, while everyone else in my family sleeps upstairs. And eventually, she began to express concern, when my blood sugar went extremely low once, and I went into a diabetic coma. After I recovered, I told her how bored I was and she allowed me to move her HP desktop downstairs as my new pc. (She had broken/lost my laptop.) I began to game again.
Now my house has a pool btw, and I am kinda like our pool guy, as I do everything related to the pool. I also set up a lot of the furniture in the house, the tvs, speaker system, and lights as well. (Im the helpful tech kid.) So one day, during a comp match, my mom randomly asked me to put on the pool cover. I told her I couldn’t, as I was in an important game, so she went on the router app I installed and set up, and blocked my Wi-Fi. (This became her way of policing us.) I furiously… did as she asked and then asked her to unblock my wifi connection, and she said no because I refused to help the first time, and I told her I helped, and was in an extremely important game, and she still refused and said I couldn’t for the rest of the day.
I now made a horrible mistake, as I argued with her, saying but that’s so unfair, and called it stupid, and she told me I couldn’t play for the rest of the week. Then I said she’s probably gonna take away the computer at this point, and she extended it to a month. Extremely sad, and in tears, I went down. But my mom wasn’t done with me. She kept yelling and extended the punishment to a year, then forever. She did take away the computer. This was in 8th grade summer. So my older brother had already lost his laptop privileges earlier, and now we had nothing to do.
But that wasn’t it for my mom. She began to punish us in a new way. She woke us up at 9:50 every day, with a glass of water to the face, kicked us out into our backyard, and made us stay outside, giving us lunch, and taking us back inside when my dad came home, so that she wouldn’t have to deal with us. This lasted the whole summer. Then school started, and she became pretty nice again, buying us clothes. So now I was determined to get good grades, but I didn’t want anyone else to know, so when my mom saw this as an opportunity. She said if I had good grades (all A’s) I would earn my computer back.
So I tried my best, and got a 4.0 second semester (that was the one she said I need all A’s for) and I got the computer back, for three days. She gave me one hour each day for two days and then all of a sudden, added a new rule, no weekends. I was like, alright, you said everyday, but whatever 5 days a week still pretty good. Then she remove Friday as well, and then one day, I had a game that lasted an hour twenty. My mom didn’t get mad on the spot, but that was the last day I played the whole summer. I was furious by the end. Also I must mention that my mom only gives us our phones with mobile games if we have all A’s at the time, even for school. And that was after freshman year, where I could only watch YouTube, through screen time glitches. But when I got home, she would take my phone, leaving me with my school Chromebook, but without a Wi-Fi connection, as my mom disabled it. So me and my brother found a work around. I began to code scratch games, as you can do that offline, and my brother loaded up his YouTube videos at school and downloaded pdf books.
It was truly awful, and my mom blocked that too near the end of the year, and my new work around was… going to sleep as soon as I got home and showered.
So recently I’ve tried to get my mom to allow me to use my computer again, but she keeps refusing, saying I’m too irresponsible, and does the same with my phone. As far as I know, I’m the only high schooler who’s phone has a 1 minute screen time limit on everything. So until today, I’ve exploited a glitch where I can use chess.com through Quizlet, and my mom blocked that, and I snapped. My phone said I was on it for nine hours today, (which I would never play chess for 9 HOURS) which I blame on the auto lock never setting on my phone, and she said that was extremely unhealthy, and that I was addicted to chess. Until recently, I couldn’t even text on my phone, as one of my (irl) friends made a ‘your mom’ joke, and my mom snapped saying he was insulting her, and that I should defend her, and she messaged him about it, completely embarrassing me, and blocked him, and removed my messages. I snapped and called her insecure. I also can’t download apps, so any apps that teachers ask us to install in class, I can’t install. To make things worse I recently made it into NHS, and to fill out a survey, I needed google classroom and a browser, which I couldn’t do, but desperately need to for an event, so I had to hard reset my phone to do it. And she punished me for that btw.
Also recently I became a huge soccer fanatic and got a few soccer apps, (for teams) and my mom blocked those as well. And recently I applied for a job, so this summer I don’t have to be at home and experience what happened last summer, and I finally got one, but my mom is refusing to drive me to the orientation, and my dad can’t because of work, and she says I'm gonna get someone (k-worded) or (s-word), and then blame it on her, saying she let me work (btw she agreed initially after my NHS event, and I accepted, but now she says crazy stuff like she never said that, and she’s gonna sue the company for hiring a (young person) without her permission) and I can’t do that either now. She doesn’t let us go to the library anymore, saying we only got there to use the computers (partially true) and we can’t even watch tv. I’m going insane from the stress.
My dad is ok, but he never defends me from my mom. He witnessed me staying up late, studying for the ap world exam, multiple days, and when my mom accused me of not actually studying, he said nothing. Also he has seriously (b-word) me with a tennis racket, and my mom edged him on, and my mom has (c-word) my older brother with a (sharp thing), and this is just messed up. Is that normal? I don’t know anymore.
I’m going crazy, with my own lack of care for my medical condition, but it’s just too much you know, pressure from my parents, I want to go to a good college, but I also want to have friends and enjoy life, and I also want to game and be good at that again. I want to be able to talk to my old friends who I so badly miss. (I can only talk to them with my one minute on Snapchat and discord.) some days I’m so tired and bored I just fall asleep. I exercise in the nighttime when no one is watching, as I was overweight during quarantine, and now I’m pretty lean, (lost almost 60 pounds) and I am struggling seeing the point of everything. And a lot of the time, I can’t help but think that it’s my fault. That my mom doesn’t care because of me. That no one loves me because I’m just not a good person. Don’t get me wrong though. I’m not having s-thoughts. I would never end anyone’s life, let alone my own. But I just want to run away. Be free from all this stress for once. Any help advice or anything would be greatly appreciated.
More examples of bad moments: my mom once (b-word) me until my hands (another b-word) (that’s ok if there’s a reason right) but for going outside in my pajamas, because the neighbors could see me (that’s no reason at all right?). And other times when I was younger and even in good days, she tells me I was a surprise baby, and that a was a blessing, unexpected and everything. But other days she tells me that she should have listened to her mother in law, and (a-worded) me because she wasn’t ready. I actually cared about that, and her when I was younger, and (c-word) myself. But then I realized how stupid I was and how bad it hurt, and regretted it, and then made a promise to myself to prove everyone wrong. (Pretty sad I know.) My eight year old brother gets his own TV, laptop, room, and snacks, while I don’t get any one of those to myself. He’s 8 years younger than me.
He is often times nice then mean. I’ve tried to be a better brother lately, and I bring him snacks from my school if I can, but often times he’s super rude to me and disrespectful.
I don’t have any family friends, close friends or other family outside of school that I can go to so there’s that.
If you chose to read all of that and can help, THANK YOU!