@aiambutasmallvoice 
sending so much love. I have not had an eating disorder (other than just like…being a teen in the early 2000s and the cultural mess that was for body image), so take what serves you and throw out what doesn’t.
Pregnancy was a hard reframe for me. I always had a pretty good relationship with my body but pregnancy is an unknown, and you are not in “control” the way you are over a single body.
Stuff that made it especially hard was being treated as just a body by random strangers and medical staff, not being able to workout the way I liked to, and hating maternity clothes.
Some thoughts that helped:
- Thinking of pregnancy and post-partum like a serious injury or illness. I wouldn’t try to rush a ripped hamstring or be mad at myself for not working out with the flu. So then…why am I so hard on myself about pregnancy? Pregnancy is HARD on the body and different for everyone. Some folks have no issues, some do, but just because some influencer ran until delivery doesn’t mean it’s right for me. Part of being “fit” is knowing when you need to rest and recover. Running on a torn hamstring would make it astronomically worse. Sometimes rest is best.
- I also had to recognize that I hadn’t been here before and didn’t know my body limits as a pregnant person. Under normal circumstances I had learned to judge my max, but pregnancy isn’t normal and I had to err on the slightly lower end.
- You have your whole life to work on your fitness goals. It feels like a long time now but overall it really isn’t. You have your body your whole life, so be kind to it.
- 15 min rule- go out for 15 min! If I hate it after that, stop. Also, some days I just had to recognize that a nap was the best choice. Do what you need, not what you think you “should”. Where did those “shoulds” come from anyway?
- As a parent, I now try to look at myself and think “is this the model I want to set for my kid?”. If I wouldn’t want my kid to treat herself this way, I really have to rethink my own behavior.
- If you don’t Iike how your clothes look, it’s the fault of the clothes, not you.
Maternity options are miserable and dumb. Your body is exactly the shape it needs to be to support two lives.
- TW: obstetric violence/traumatic birth
I almost died in delivery due to being abused by the doc on call. When I got back from the hospital I truly could not give a flying f*ck what I weighed, only that I had made it, and that my body had somehow kept both of us alive despite some truly staggering incompetence and abuse. It was tough to go back to work and have people be like “you look great!” Because it took all I had to not just be like “yes, I’m alive! Stop dumping your own body norms on me!” We are told a lot by others, but what do you actually need and want?
Lots of love.
. so i feel your pain and just know that once it is done, you can get back to the gym. I went to the gym up till 5 months in pregnancy and then I couldn’t do it no more (in college and had midterms/finals to focus on). Don’t worry too much about it and just know we all have the same feeling towards gaining too much. I hate the double chin I be having 
