I’m OAD, hubby isn’t and that’s okay

[soosh8005]

@godslawismylaw First time I told my wife “go.” Some people were surprised. Some of her friends invited her out for a couple nights away, she was hesitant (understandably), but had to be like “I got this.” It wasn’t easy, but I’m a better man and parent for it. - Dad needs to be able to handle business. It also helps with perspective. It’s a whole new world when you’re on your own.

Either way, thanks for sharing your story, no judgement from me! Be well OAD fam.

 

[druusky82]

@godslawismylaw Wow it’s like you picked my brain apart and shared every thought I have about being OAD! I’m absolutely OAD but my partner is definitely not and brushes it off everytime I mention it and says we’ll have more. My baby is 5m old and somewhat of a ‘unicorn baby’ but my pregnancy was hard, it took 3 years to fall pregnant, I have a number of chronic health issues and chronic pain, I have terrible PPA/D that I’m currently seeing a psychologist for and have been given medication that I’m not too keen on starting yet as I take other meds for my chronic health issues that can make me drowsy, my partner is gone 16hrs a day doing shift work so I’m essentially like a single mother (when he’s home on the weekend he helps out and is such an amazing hands on daddy!) but I’m so burnt out, in pain, mentally struggling and I cannot do this again.

As I get my baby to sleep for the night I sometimes think ‘imagine having another child I need to get ready for bed?’ And I get filled with anxiety and I’m literally repulsed at the thought! All the mental load is on me, making sure everything is bought for our baby, cooking, cleaning etc all on me and I can only give so much.

I love my sweet baby I truly do but god am I so done! I know my limits and there are days I can’t give my sweet baby 100% due to my health, imagine throwing in another child?! That’s just unfair on the child and me. My parents help me during the week even if it’s just an hour a day so I can sort myself out and they’re going overseas next week for 6 weeks and I’m so anxious that my ‘village’ is gone and I’ll do this solo. Just know I feel you big time x

 

[godslawismylaw]

@druusky82 Wow 16 hours a day is rough
I feel like knowing one’s limits is crucial and I’d hate to be a different type of parent than what I am right now and right now although I’m tired sometimes and sometimes overwhelmed (although it’s gotten easier with time) I don’t want to be mad or frustrated all the time.

 

[druusky82]

@godslawismylaw Sorry for the late reply! I had some surgery and was so spaced from my procedure.

Oh it absolutely is rough! He does one week day shift, one week night shift and it’s so hard and he gives so much to our little family I feel so truly blessed but I won’t lie, I am envious of families where dad is home by 5-6:00pm helping with night time routine (helping clear the table, bath, bottle etc) but his long hours and sacrifice help us maintain me being SAHM and I don’t need to go back to work once my maternity leave is up so I know how truly fortunate we are but yeah, huge effing sacrifice!

I definitely know my limits now that my baby is here, again I feel envious of parents who can have 2-3 kids and manage so well and wonder what’s essentially wrong with me but I also know a lot of those families have both parents helping each day of the week and aren’t as sick with chronic health issues/chronic pain (and heck, I won’t lie, as mentally ill lol) as I am.

I know I can give the world to my baby I don’t think I could ever do that with another child thrown in the mix. I feel like I’m still finding my feet and my baby is almost 6m old so there is a light at the end of the tunnel it’s just a little far off still haha!

 

[gone]

@godslawismylaw I literally could have written most of this except for the way husband feels about being OAD. My husband would like a second one however he is supportive of my decision to be OAD and he understands the way I feel about pregnancy and labor and having a whole other human to care for. Sometimes the conversation does come up but never in a form of argument or anything like that. We are more than happy with our daughter and she is honestly more than I could have ever ask for, she is perfect . Hopefully he will come around eventually and realize he doesn’t need another child to feel fulfilled.

 

[phydaux]

@godslawismylaw Plan a night away so your husband is the sole carer. Nothing flicks the “they are easy” switch like having to actually care for a little one.

My parents kept on pushing us to have more until I let them have the privilege of seeing what LO is like for a few days in a row. They never mentioned “have another” ever again.

 

[godslawismylaw]

@phydaux I wish! Unfortunately baby is EBF and nurses to sleep, never took a bottle or pacifier so I’m kinda with her all the time and I’m just waiting until she’s older and we can wean and THEN lol he will learn.

 

[carleyk]

@godslawismylaw I am very happy with one, my husband went from being one and done to being okay with more. But in the end, he knows most things fall to me because he is very busy with work. So unless birth control fails, we are done.

 

[maryanne76]

@godslawismylaw My husband is a SAHD and the default parent and I’m still OAD. he wants another one and I’ve been told— if he does the lion’s share, just go on and have another one. But just because he does most of it, doesn’t mean he does all of it. I’m not comfortable not participating as much as possible. And there’s still finances to consider which is mostly on my side of the street. I’d be lying if I said i didn’t feel guilty though. He’s an amazing dad and it’s obviously the best thing that’s ever happened to him. I wish motherhood came as naturally and gracefully to me. Which is wild because I was a nanny for over a decade. It’s complicated I guess.