@pr0cessa I read most of the comments and just wanted to give a slightly different perspective. My husband and I do not share funds, he handles 100% of that, we don’t have joint bank accounts and I don’t even have a bank account. BECAUSE I am extremely financially irresponsible. It’s detrimental to our family for me to have unlimited access to funds.
However, I know all the banking info and am left a debit card/credit card for the day if I need/want something. I would have a really firm but loving talk with him and find out why you can be trusted with his most precious thing, your child but not FAMILY funds.
@pr0cessa Very odd behavior. It’s one thing to overlook adding you and another to repeatedly promise to and not follow through. This isn’t normal. You don’t say what reason he’s given for not giving you free access to the joint account. As others have said, this is the definition of financial abuse and is a red flag. Please be mindful of escalation and don’t allow yourself to be gaslighted.
@pr0cessa Maybe two weeks after we got married, my husband opened up a joint account for him and I "just in case we ever need anything." It was 2yrs later that I became a sahm but my husband has never made me go without, ever.
Your husband should be running to open a joint account if it means that he can provide a better life for you in any way.
@pr0cessa If he will not add you to the bank account, you need to have a couple hundred bucks of cash on hand for emergencies AND a credit card that he pays off in full each month for expenses, groceries, gas etc.
@pr0cessa I don't have a joint account, but I have a card. It sounds like he wants to control you by making sure you don't have any money. I hope that you have some money of your own somewhere just in case of an emergency.
@pr0cessa That is not normal. My mom was a sahm she had full access and I am a sahm as well. I am on everything and so is my husband. Before I made twice more till his career caught up. He was still on everything.
It is joint. If you are married legally it is joint protected asset even if he wants to hide after marriage. There is a reason he would owe you alimony on top of child support in divorce. Do not let this go. You need full access or I would personally go back to work. If you don’t have full access it is very hard for you to leave and this is how some sahp gets trapped forever. Tbh it is quite gross . Your spouse is your fair partner that desperate respect not some one relies on allowance.
I mean, I think it's incredibly odd that you didn't get joint accounts when you got married. You're being financially abused. Literally no question about it.
@pr0cessa OP, when you’ve chatted, what reasoning does he give for not adding you to the account or giving you a card? I would absolutely be getting a job if I were in your shoes and also going to marriage counseling. Something is really off.
@pr0cessa Yeah nah. We closed our “joint account” because our bank is dumb (lots of reasons and totally talked through and done together) so currently I just use a second bank card and credit card linked to our bank account that is just in my husbands name. This is like the minimum. Unless you have like $200 cash on you at all times. And even then that feels limiting and scary.
@pr0cessa Maybe instead of joining on his main account, you guys could open a joint shared account where the funds go, and his main account stays single. This way, he might not feel like he's losing something of his, but gaining something extra?
@pr0cessa SAHP here. I went back to my home country last summer for a couple months, my husband worked OT when I was gone to ensure I had extra money to spend in our account as I was on holidays & was spending more than usual.
Your husbands being an asshole - you need a joint bank account of some sort. Set a timeline - 6 weeks & if it’s not set up go back to work.
@pr0cessa To bring somewhat of a counterpoint I get not wanting a joint account. We looked into it originally so we don't have to hot potato one card, and figured out that at almost all banks there's less benefits if 1 partner doesn't work. As well as in my country you legally become on the hook for account debt even if it's the other partner's fault and the bank doesn't care if you don't work.
We're still hot potatoing one card. However I do get unlimited access to all his bank stuff. I know all the account info, all his online payment info, can physically take the card whenever I want, and can buy whatever whenever I want (we give each other a heads up about most purchases and talk big ones through anyways). If we both need money at the same time in different physical locations, whichever one of us needs less takes some cash from the ATM.
A lot of other SAHPs in my country have their own bank accounts and have an automatic payment system set up where their partner sends them a few hundred bucks each month for their own spending and saving.
If he's refusing you a joint account but also not on board with many other ways you can have financial freedom without a joint account, that's a huge problem.
