How much time do new moms spend with babies?

[improvguild]

@lordfeather So you're a single dad? I'm sorry, she's not pulling her weight at all.

 

[saranoor]

@lordfeather My daughter is now 10 months old. I spend almost every waking moment with her and barely wanted to share her with anyone when she was first born. At the hospital she went to the nursery twice for less than 10 minutes. I wanted her with me to take care of her. Now that she is olderish I do get the benefit of working from home so she is still with me but plays and does her own baby things with dad and grandparents. The longest I've been away from her is 6 hours. I know I'm not normal, but wanting no connection is not normal either. That won't be good for the mother and baby bond that is crucial for development.

 

[imaginaryvanity]

@lordfeather It sounds like someone professional like a doctor needs to talk to her and get to the bottom of how she's feeling. I get that a lot of mums become overwhelmed with a new baby and struggle to bond due to depression and being in pain and all that, I went through that myself but 1 hour a day? If she doesn't get some kind of support, you're gonna end up more stressed and exhausted, not all kids have both parents there and it should be a blessing that your baby has both of you, and I think its very important that nobody takes over more than the other because my child's dad used to never put her down and insist that he was the one that did everything, to the point where she would always cry for him if she ever had a problem and I ended up struggling to comfort her because she just wanted dad. She ended up with abandonment issues at bedtime that only dad could fix. I understand that having a new baby is terrifying and it may be easier to step back if you're afraid you won't do a good enough job but she's gonna be the one complaining when your child grows up to never come to her for anything or tell her what's up. There's all kinds of mum and baby support groups she could go to, maybe even ask an early years support worker to give her some help if she's feeling overwhelmed. She could find her some baby groups to meet other mums for support as well as give her advice on bonding with the baby. I had terrible social anxiety and depression but having my child helped that because the more I went out with her to show her the world, the more confident I became in being a mother and just being out and talking to other parents in general.

 

[logann]

@lordfeather It sounds like maybe post partum depression, which is more common than people think

Sometimes a new parent fails to bond with baby.
https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/forming-a-bond-with-your-baby-why-it-isnt-always-immediate#:~:text=Studies%20have%20found%20that%20about,it%20should%20come%20with%20time.

Sometimes the birthing process doesn't go well, and some women suffer emotional trauma as a result
https://www.pregnancybirthbaby.org.au/birth-trauma-emotional#:~:text=After%20the%20birth%2C%20it's%20possible,birth%20may%20experience%20birth%20trauma.

We live in a society that says a mom is an absolute awful person if she isn't feeling joy over baby, doesn't love to be with him, or admits the delivery was a traumatic event. This makes is very hard to admit these things to anyone. It's quite possible this applies to her.

Whatever her issue, you can't pressure or threaten her into talking to a therapist. If you issue an ultimatum & force her to go to appointments, it'll be a waste of time because she needs to be ready & willing for it to work. Therefore, I encourage you to approach this from a place of compassion for her.

I understand you're exhausted. The truth is that even with both parents engaged, a new baby is exhausting. It does feel overwhelming at times. Our species used to live in close-knit 6 extended family were always around to help. My advice is to reach out to family that live in your area. Do you have a grandparent or aunt who can help? Also, don't hesitate on hiring someone: a sitter, nanny, Daycare.

 

[lindygreen64]

@lordfeather Sounds like PPD. I am a nurse and worked in L&D and NICU when I had my own baby. My husband said I handled my baby like I was at work and waiting for my relief to arrive. I was seriously disconnected. I spoke to my OB and got started on a breastfeeding-safe antidepressant. Things got much better in a couple of weeks. She needs to talk to her doctor, seriously. This is not normal and can impact the baby.

 

[ilovejesusheisamazing]

@lordfeather she’s got baby blues it sounds like (not a doctor, another mom) she needs to talk to a doctor.
she may be reluctant having to admit this (i’ve been there) so just try to be understanding if she refuses at first. don’t stop talking her into it though, my husband even googled local doctors who specialize in postpartum issues and asked if he should make the appt. i finally caved and made the appt. she will get through it, you both will….with help

 

[followtheleader]

@lordfeather Hey fellow dad here Definitely not normal behaviour. I myself have went through exactly this it's been over 2 years now I finally blew and got al my feelings and concerns out...

ok postpartum I'll do everything for our baby you carried her you can rest now.

but there is a time limit on things and even doing simple things like a diaper change or bathing adds up

In my case my daughter constantly wants me dada this daddy for that I want dada it's almost feels like I'm a single parent at times ..

she got help and is trying and is better with things now so I'd definitely recommend talking and convincing her to see a doctor there's nothing wrong with it and it's completely natural to feel that way even tho it dsnt feel like it