How much time do new moms spend with babies?

[sophia3]

@lordfeather It's definitely not the norm. It's totally fine for her to get rest. But... that's not just rest. Is she bonding with her baby? I'd be concerned enough to discuss it with her to at least spend time with you and the baby. You biologically can not carry a baby, and it's unfair of her to say that to you. I would ask how she thinks that comment is okay. It almost sounds like she's resentful for having a baby.

Question... who is waking up with the baby? Feeding? Changing? If it's only you... that's a problem. You both need to find a solution going forward.

 

[gardene]

@lordfeather Hey fellow dad. This is not the norm; your instinct to ask about seeing a doctor is spot on - this may be her form of pp. It's going to be uncomfortable, but you need to insist she sees her doctor. Or, bring it up at the baby's next check up in a few weeks.

You're clearly a good dad. You got this.

 

[jeffshamburg]

@lordfeather Sounds like Postpartum Depression to me. Might be worth looking into and talking to her about it.

 

[regularposter]

@lordfeather I'm with my newborn for most of her awake time every day and hold her for 1-2 naps. Up until this week, my husband and I were both off.

This screams postpartum depression.

 

[ashleypollard]

@lordfeather My daughter is 6 weeks old. I've spent the majority of my time with her, especially since she is breastfed. My husband helps out with her at night and the day when he is home from work.

What you have said is definitely not the norm. All the moms I know all spend their time with their babies when they are little and then adjust to getting out of the house when the child is older.
Your description of your wife sounds a lot like my husband's behavior with our first. He had a hard time growing up when our first was born and a few years after.
Your wife could have ppd, although it doesn't sound like it to me. It sounds like she just got used to being taken care of. My husband was the same way. I don't want to use the word selfish, but that's how it felt for me when my husband and I were adjusting to having our first.
You need to talk to your wife, and if possible, get a family member or friend she is close with to talk to her about it, too. One day, she may realize she missed out on all of this time and regret it.

 

[davida1949]

@lordfeather It sounds like she has not bonded with your baby. This is important, not just to her mental health but to the child's. A key concept in infant psychology is the need to "feel secure in their primary attachment". It sounds like you are the baby's primary attachment at this point and that your wife has checked out.

Be aware that this really matters to the child's forming sense of self. For now, she has you, but it Mom doesn't bond, you will need to provide that for your daughter. This may mean extending your parental leave. Your wife might leave. It happens. If so, just ensure baby gets plenty of reassurance and time with you: it's usually the mother who is the primary attachment but it doesn't have to be, and as long as your daughter sees, smells, hears, and touches you with love and positivity, a lot, you can step up.

Talk to your doctor. Failure to bond doesn't always mean post-natal depression, in some women the maternal instinct just never switches on. Is your family able to survive her being the primary breadwinner and you being a stay-at-home dad for another year or so?

 

[coppellia]

@davida1949 This!!!! Thank you for this! Everyone always jumps on the PPD Bandwagon buti think this is bonding pure and simple. The less time she spends with baby the worse it will get. Like a snowball going downhill. Worst case scenario, it never happens.