@lolasode I went down the rabbit hole on this. It made me feel so guilty and like I was ruining my kids life.
I’ve seen moms say formula feeders are bad parents for using formula and not buying breast milk from someone else. I’ve seen people say I’m poisoning my child for using formula. I had a “FRIEND” say to my face “Well I would NEVER formula feed MY baby! How can you trust it?”. I’ve seen people say formula feeders are lazy and didn’t try hard enough (I literally did not produce milk???? And it wasn’t my fault?????)
When we had to stop breastfeeding, it was so heartbreaking for me. I felt so guilty and honestly depressed. That was for me. For my child though? She was so happy and fed and satisfied and growing at exceptional rates. My decision to formula feed wasn’t about me, it was about my child. But still, people love throwing breast is best in my face. It’s so perplexing. And hateful.
You know what else? I was a formula fed baby. I graduated college with honors. I have a successful AF job. I have a beautiful life and family. And I was formula fed.
So screw what anyone else has to say. I think people are just so miserable and up their own ass they have no other choice but to be judgmental.
@katrina2017 Honestly I feel like I always 100% KNOW my baby is full on formula. I don’t have to worry that I’m not producing, or I didn’t drink enough water, or (in my case) dairy sneakily slipped into my diet again which will cause my baby agony.
I could have written that paragraph on breastfeeding guilt. My child is thriving.
I too was formula fed. I too graduated honors at a major university on full scholarship.
@lolasode My wife felt the same thing from a ton of groups. We got mad at a few of the lactation consultants in the hospital and the messages sent by the hospital. Luckily neither of us are on social media and our friends/family were supportive of keeping him fed and didn't care about formula vs breastmilk.
I'm not sure why there's a bunch of judgement around it. The hospital messaging seemed to be aimed at convincing her that "you should be doing this and we know you don't want to but please try anyway", but it just came across as harmful and unhelpful.
Maybe it's the rash of "all natural" and an extension of the crazy mom group things that have spread over recent years? Maybe the messaging for years that "breast is best" has been subversively successful but messaging hasn't caught up with that yet? Maybe people view formula as "low class" or indicative of problems with mom (alcohol, drugs, smoking, etc etc)? Maybe it's only a small minority of people that say anything but they're so loud and hurtful that feels more prevalent? Maybe it's all of it?
Whatever it is, you do you. Take care of your baby, and take care of yourself. The most important thing is that you're doing what you can to keep your LO happy and healthy.
@cristianmaninca I probably would have flipped my lid if the hospital had messaged me about it. After 4 lactation consultants trying to force it, plus one even shaming me for pumping, I was so fed up. I felt like crying every time I tried to get him to latch and he just wouldn’t. We tried nipple shields and he didn’t go for that either. The hospital even suggested I have an IV drip with breast milk attached to me so we could trick the baby into thinking he was breastfeeding and get him to latch better. I’m sorry but if I have to do that much to get him to HOPEFULLY latch, I’m just gonna go buy formula.
@lolasode Ugh, I know all this too well. Sorry you had to go through this. I also found the alternative feeding methods mental (OK in the nicu, but man let me just bottle feed my baby at home!).
@lolasode Omg that’s so brutal. Like no, I’VE NEVER HEARD ABOUT THE BENEFITS OF BREASTFEEDING DURING ENTIRE MY PREGNANCY AND POST PARTUM PERIOD PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME. Fuck off and mind your business.
@lolasode The self righteousness is outrageous. Not to mention the lack of education. Falling prey to formula companies? No. They’re the ones falling prey to natural mama blogs pretending to be scientists.
Formula isn’t toxic. It saves lives. If they sleep better at night putting other moms down, it says way more about them than it does about you. My formula fed daughter is now 2.5 and literally brilliant. Verbally advanced and can speak 10 word sentences. How a baby is fed matters very very little in the grand scheme of things.
Comments like this used to bother me so much but I’ve grown very confident in my decisions to not absolutely sabotage my mental health for some minute immunity benefits.
@lolasode I think that 5% can't breastfeed is stupid. Only 2% kidys have CMPA, right? But it's increasing year by year, you can't say it's the same percentage as 10 years ago.
There are tons of things that interact with lactation and it's not my fault I'm in the 5% which I personally think is a lot higher in developed countries where there are more hormonal imbalances and other disorders that affect the milk supply. Not to mention that you can be average supply with a hungry baby and combo feeding is hard af.
But not everything is so black or white. There is so much hate and breastfeeding Vs formula feels like high school drama.
I'm happy for those who can breastfeed. But I f*ing hate the snobs that think they are better just because they do it. And they will not necessarily eat a healthy diet (lots of Oreos for energy, Gatorade for hydration) and say that formula is the worst.
@forwardslider Exactly! I fully encourage people who want to breastfeed to do their thing! How they choose to feed their babies doesn’t impact how I feed mine and vice versa. I hate how pretentious some people can be though. Being a good parent goes sooo much deeper than how your kid is fed.
@lolasode There is a portion of how the baby is fed in being a good parent. You choose what is best for both in long term. But for the first year the difference between formula and BM isn't that big. But when the kid is 4 being a good parent is not to let them have fast food at every meal if you have choices (I'm guessing there are people out there that can only afford the cheap unhealthy stuff). At the end of the day you should pick what is least worse from what you have. And being in a bad mental health is worse than giving formula, emotional trauma is just as hard to fix.
It's hard not to judge when you don't know the full picture. I'm judgmental too sometimes and I try to fix it because it's bad for both parties.
@lolasode I’m sorry you’ve been judged! People are going to judge no matter what you do so try not to let it get to you too much.
As far as Kirkland, it’s my understanding that all generic store brand formulas (Kirkland, mama bear from Amazon, target, Walmart) are all the same because they are made by the same company, just packaged differently. We ordered some mama bear formula and haven’t tried it out yet because we still have some Kirkland but it’s there just in case.
@lolasode I’m currently pregnant and have zero intentions of breastfeeding. I’m simply not comfortable with it. I’m a teacher too and I’ve seen my friends try to balance teaching and pumping and it becomes a nightmare. I don’t have the headspace to handle any of it. I’m like you and cannot stand the judgement that anyone has the audacity to give. As long as your baby is being fed and happy, why does anyone care?!?! I want it noted EVERYWHERE upon giving birth that baby will be exclusively formula fed and I don’t want lactation consultants in my room. I wish Women’s and parent’s wishes were more respected, we’re all just doing our best!
@lolasode I have a 4 week old and fpr the first 3 weeks of his life I was an oversupplier. I stopped for my own mental health bc I simply didn't want to pump or nurse. It's that simple. Fed is best
@lolasode It's an easy way for someone to think that they're smart/helpful, without putting any real thought or effort into it. I mean, what's the assumption?:
"Surely, this person has never heard that there are certain advantages to breast feeding! Their family, doctors, hospital, parenting books, etc. surely must never have told them about this. I guess it's up to me! Also, there must not be any real reason why they're formula feeding- I'm not even going to bother to ask."
@lolasode I found out at my husband's family reunion this past weekend that all of his cousins except 1 were exclusively formula fed, including him and his siblings! We're doing weird combo feeding right now because it's what is working for our family. Fed is best.
Hot tip about the Kirkland formula, that's the brand we use as well. Maybe I'll try to get to Costco today and see if mine has any stock.
@lolasode Yeah, just got back from my Costco and there wasn't even a bay for Kirkland formula. I ended up buying one of the Similac 360 containers, so we'll see how my girl does in that...
@chfjennylynn We ended up grabbing Similac Advance and it’s actually been great so far, little dude is sleeping better and less spitty. I hope it works for you!
@lolasode It’s no one’s business how you feed your baby as long as it’s done safely! I pumped for 5 months with my first. I’m pregnant again and if this baby doesn’t latch I’m doing formula. No guilt. I was so swept up in worrying about bf with my first baby. It caused so much unnecessary stress. You could look at a group of first graders and you’d never know who had formula or breast milk.
@lolasode I felt the same way when my son was a newborn. And I totally understand not feeling like explaining our reasons, it’s really no one’s business! Breastfeeding moms can be very pushy and judgy in my personal experience. I was pressured by my son’s first pediatrician (he’s obviously not his doctor anymore) and by the hospital’s nurses as well. I couldn’t breastfeed but was able to pump for a month before I decided it was better for my mental health to formula feed.
Hang in there, you’re the one who knows what’s best for your baby, and you’re doing an amazing job!
