@lordfeather I have a 7w old. I went to the grocery store without her twice so far and she completely lost it so that is the total amount I’ve been apart from her, other than showers while my husband has her. This sounds like post partum depression perhaps but it’s super concerning.
To not want to take care of her is one thing, but to not even be with her but one hour a day…I’m a social worker and I’d be really concerned that this amount of distancing herself could literally impact her bond with your child for life at some point. Early bonding is so important, or if we don’t want to call it bonding, even just early presence in the child’s life. Baby won’t “remember” but on some level, this could cause a permanent fracture in the relationship a lot sooner than your wife might think if not changed. I hope you guys figure this out soon. I would frame it to your wife less from a “help me” standpoint (not that that’s necessarily what you e been doing) and more from a hey, our little one really needs you to feel secure in the world right now” standpoint…good luck
@lordfeather She's either got PPD or she's just not very maternal.
It's definitely odd that she spends like an hour with the baby.
One person should not be doing all the baby work. It is exhausting. You will burn out. If you have any family nearby so you can catch a break, I recommend having them help. Hopefully you can get her to a doctor just to get checked out.
@lordfeather I had post-partum depression really bad after the birth of my son and I was so far gone that I didn't know it myself. You are there and see something, so please have a very gentle very loving chat with your wife. I'm no doctor and I don't know for sure, but I know that I was extremely grateful when my husband noticed and brought it up. Best wishes to you all.
@profitworld This. For me, it’s like a switch went off the moment my first was born. (Emergency c section) Felt like a shell of my former self and was just going through the daily motions. Didn’t feel like a mother at all. Got help much later than I should have, but glad I did.
@lordfeather Uh no. I barley spent an hour without my daughter in the first two months. Your wife is not exhibiting normal behavior and I wonder if she has postpartum depression. She certainly does need to see a dr.
@lordfeather This is definitely not the norm. Her defensiveness may be part of a bigger problem. I had PP depression/anxiety, and my partner tried so many times to tell me that something was off and I would get defensive/angry and insist that I was fine. I was not fine. I wasn’t sleeping, felt like a terrible mother, and was so afraid that I would hurt the baby by accident that I could barely look at her. I forced myself because my partner didn’t have parental leave, but I was scared and on edge all the time. I finally reached a breaking point and accepted help and things got better. Please don’t give up on getting your wife to accept help - and understand that she may not be fully in control of her thoughts, feelings, or actions right now.
@lordfeather I spent 24/7 with my son(s). My ex wanted nothing to do with the children so they were in the little baby backpack attached to me literally ALL day and night. Well at night they were in the crib but I slept on the floor of the nursery all night. Mine was excessive but I had a deadbeat drug addicted loser husband but 1 hour a day seems on the other end of the opposite of excessive.
@lordfeather Hi there! As someone who STRUGGLED to bond with my firstborn and had serious postpartum depression, she sounds like she needs help. I still interacted with my kids but I was fucking miserable. I wanted OUT. It's such a hard feeling to describe because I didn't hate my kids, I love them. I knew I loved them but I did not want to be anywhere near them at that time. I can't explain why. My oldest is now 12 and I still can't explain it. I needed help. I couldn't afford it so I just went with it. I'm much better now (after being able to get help later down the road) but don't let it drag out. It could have been much worse for me. I just got really lucky to have a support system and my mom had some tips since she also experienced it. I'm sorry you are dealing with this as it isn't fun for anyone involved, but this could be postpartum depression.
@lordfeather This is a bit alarming.
Baby isn’t bonding and she doesn’t feel a connection with the baby. This is not the norm and is more alarming for her, you and the baby most of all.
@lordfeather As many others have said it looks like PPD.. definitely not normal, I don't think I got time to myself for an hour until my baby was a few months old. As a first time mom I was definitely scared about how to take care of my baby and while I took on the majority role of caring for her since I was breastfeeding my husband was there to work together in taking care of her. She should absolutely be spending more time with the baby, this is just a forever thing not just now.. you need to spend time with your kid, she could be doing tummy time or simply let the baby sleep on her for skin to skin contact. Absolutely she needs rest, but she should be able to help out around the house. If she can go out for coffee and get her nails done she can wash some dishes to change laundry over.. Definitely reach out to the Dr!
@lordfeather How are you feeding her? Formula? How was mom before the pregnancy? Is this a drastic attitude change? Was her delivery traumatic to her? If all of these are yes definitely go to the doctor. Some women are just high maintenance. If this is how she was pre pregnancy, it might just be who she is.
@lordfeather My baby is 6 weeks old and we had a traumatic delivery. She's practically attached to me unless she's asleep and even then that's not a guarantee. She's currently contact napping on me.nb
@lordfeather Wow. I don’t have my babies away from me for literally over a year. Literally I do not leave them. So this to me is an absolutely alien concept. She HAS to be suffering with depression or hasn’t bonded with the baby. She needs help for sure.
