How long should dads take paternity leave if they can afford to?

[melmoth]

@thebaconincident This is the way. I have 6 weeks plus any leave I want to use. I took 2 weeks at the start and will use the rest after mom goes back to work. Then baby will start daycare around 6 months old

 

[katie4469]

@sonnybaker I took 4 weeks which honestly felt like the bare minimum, and we had a relatively easy baby.

How much should you take if you can afford it? I fully believe this should be about 3 years in an ideal world.

 

[janedo]

@sonnybaker It’s dependent on a few different factors but generally as much as reasonable. I’m in the US and my wife was afforded 3 months full paid leave and I was offered FMLA, aka unpaid leave. Even though I mostly work from home with a pretty lax job, I still took three weeks off. We just planned appropriately and saved up so the lack of income wasn’t an issue. Once I returned to work I was still able to take care of the baby.

Regarding feeling three months is too young for daycare, I’d say most everyone agrees but not necessarily from a safety standpoint, they just want more time with their kids. We would’ve of course preferred not to do daycare that early but did so out of necessity. Our daycare is fantastic and he was in such loving hands there.

 

[abner2011]

@sonnybaker No amount of money can get that time back. Ever.

I took the full 12 weeks (American FMLA) but was only paid 4 by my employer.

Making money never supercedes my family. My family and my wife needed me and I wanted to be there.

We budgeted for this and it was the single best decision.

Ask your husband what he values. I unfortunately observe that he doesn't want to get paid to stay home with you and the baby and would rather go to work.

 

[sonnybaker]

@abner2011 This was really heartwarming, I totally agree that family’s more important than money

 

[johnnyrockets]

@sonnybaker As a dad, I was fortunate to have 18 weeks of paid paternity leave to take within the first year. I split it this way: 2 weeks at birth, 14 weeks, 2 weeks this Christmas. My work & manager really encouraged to fully take the leave.

I went on paternity when my wife leave ended, we were able to care for our baby for about 7 months without needing daycare. We were both fully paid.

It was great for bonding, learn how to care for a baby, seeing her grow, learn everyday, and understand how challenging it can be. This will be only once, can’t get that time back. Meanwhile, work is work, his team will be fine without him.

 

[butforgrace]

@sonnybaker You have the rest of your lives to make that money back, but your kid is only going to be an infant once.

 

[sonnybaker]

@butforgrace I feel the same way

 

[butforgrace]

@sonnybaker My wife is pregnant with our first, and I'll be taking the most I possibly can. I get 8 weeks full pay as a non-birthing parent (my company words it this way to account for adoptions, non-hetero couples, surrogates, etc). I'm also planning to probably stick a few extra weeks of vacation on at the end too. I also work from home so once I'm back, I'll still be able to give her an hour or 2 of relief during the day for the rest of her leave (I think her work is giving her a year of full pay).

It's the same thing I said when we just over-bid on our new house because we're in love with it. We have our whole lives to get that money back. Why not just do what's gonna make us happy now?

Best of luck with your negotiations/communication.

 

[theoryoner]

@sonnybaker I feel a little bad starting with 1 month.

 

[bongorob]

@sonnybaker I work from home full time with a job that doesn't require office hours necessarily so I can still help quite a bit and I took two whole weeks off. On top of the time in the hospital. We just had our second kid a few months ago and I have the same job with more responsibilities and I only took a week off because I'm able to be a lot more present. If you can afford it and he can take the time off, I suggest at least a week including the time in the hospital. If you have any kind of issues and need to recover further then more time will be needed from him to help if it's feasible

 

[melmoth]

@bongorob You sound like me. I took 2 weeks but have 4 more I can use. But working from home is a game changer; I will hop downstairs whenever I feel like it to help/see my girls.

 

[djtiberious]

@sonnybaker from talking to guys I work with 2 week minimum, 3 weeks ideally, 4 weeks might be a little too much.
I’m planning on taking four weeks. My wife is taking 9 months and going unpaid for most of it. Sending a baby to day care at 3 months seems like something people do who don’t have a choice.

 

[katrina2017]

@sonnybaker I'm taking my full entitlement, which is two weeks in my country. But I'm a teacher and I'll be off at Christmas for two weeks as well.

 

[katrina2017]

@sonnybaker As much time as possible; only babies once soak it in.

 

[melmoth]

@katrina2017 Thank you for making me tear up. Mine is 8 weeks old and it’s already going by to fast.

 

[henselhiggins213]

@sonnybaker 25 years

 

[onidam2]

@sonnybaker I live in the US. The company I've been with for almost 10 years doesn't offer parental leave for men. My wife gave birth on 10.23 and I took the first week off and I'm planning on taking another. So, 2 weeks. I'd like to take more but I also want to save some vacation time so I can help with doctors' visits and anything unexpected that may pop up. 2 weeks doesn't feel like enough time to me, and I can tell my wife is a little anxious about me returning to work. Fortunately, I work from home the majority of the time so I'll at least be around and can be available in an emergency and on breaks/lunch hour.

 

[susanlakecityfl]

@sonnybaker I’m in Finland and my company offered 5 days at 100% pay and then the state offered something like 60% for the remainder. 60% was too little long term so I took 18 days total, including the 5 at 100%.

It was during the pandemic though so I “worked” from home, which ended up being ~2 hours of fraught working conditions with a baby crying and then taking care of the baby/partner the rest of the time.

There’s no one-size answer to this. I’d recommend as long as you two can handle with reduced income for both to stay at home. It’s a bonding experience for everyone

 

[katrina2017]

@sonnybaker 3 time Dad here. Two weeks each time at the start. Mums needs all the help in that stage. Longer if possible. I then take 3-4 months later in the first year as my company allows and pays full pay.