butterscoth
New member
@mrmovie1983 There are sleep training methods without crying but just fussing. If you google no cry sleep training you can read up on it
I need a little guidance as my heart is conflicted about sleep training.(sorry, it's a long one)
- Thread starter mrmovie1983
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@butterscoth What’s the different between fussing and crying?
butterscoth
New member
@butterscoth Oh, mine never did that. Especially when it came to sleep.
enduring_until_the_end
New member
@mrmovie1983 There’s definitely sleep consultants out there with a much more holistic approach. The one I work with, will first look at what is normal, then talk about instilling healthy habits. But never, ever any CIO. So definitely do some more research and see if you can find someone else.
That said, it sounds like your LO just really wants to be with you. All sounds very normal to me. Night waking IS normal and he is not being harmed in any way by not having 10-12hr stretches of sleep. Btw, nobody does that, we all briefly wake up at night, some children can return back to sleep without support and others need help. Every kid is different on when they learn how to do that; the sleep-trained ones have just been conditioned nobody will come for them.
Disclaimer: I sleeptrained my 4 month old bc of ppd+a and I still regret it 4 years later. She cried for 3HOURS!! I felt horrible, the guilt will never go away. And guess what? As soon as she went through the next developmental leap, she started waking up again
That said, it sounds like your LO just really wants to be with you. All sounds very normal to me. Night waking IS normal and he is not being harmed in any way by not having 10-12hr stretches of sleep. Btw, nobody does that, we all briefly wake up at night, some children can return back to sleep without support and others need help. Every kid is different on when they learn how to do that; the sleep-trained ones have just been conditioned nobody will come for them.
Disclaimer: I sleeptrained my 4 month old bc of ppd+a and I still regret it 4 years later. She cried for 3HOURS!! I felt horrible, the guilt will never go away. And guess what? As soon as she went through the next developmental leap, she started waking up again
@mrmovie1983 I breastfeed and had a FUSSY baby when it came to sleep. He's 15 months now and sleeps through the night most nights. We've always co-slept though, but what worked for us was dad always handling night wakings and always offering water instead of me always doing night feeds. I nurse before bedtime and at 6 am. Pretty soon he was sleeping through. Don't know about that paid sleeping course (I'm sceptical about all that stuff, very effective sleep training is rarely based on what's best for the baby but what's best for the parents, imo) but it might be worth a try if you have a partner that can handle the wakings.
mrmovie1983
New member
@tinywings Oh interesting! Thank you! That's great! Can I ask what age he was when you started this? Did dad give him water in an open cup? (This is how he drinks water now) I find that when he wakes and I'm settling him unless I sent him the breast and rock him for half an hour, he doesn't usually settle. Was your little guy like that too?
@mrmovie1983 My daughter coslept until her sleep regression. We moved her into her own room and she actually likes it more! It was a harder transition for me than her. She didn’t stop waking up in the night until I reserved feedings for daytime, though. That was when she was about 1!
isabella8688
New member
@mrmovie1983 When I moved my daughter into her own room at 6 months every thing clicked. I would suggest making sure your baby is nursing more during the day? Nurse when they wake, every 3/4 hours until bedtime. It may take a bit to change your schedule. After 6 months the risk of SIDS dramatically drops!
I'm not sure it's worth it to pay someone, we did the Ferber method and it worked pretty well and quickly. I read the book how to solve your child's sleep problems (the chapter about baby sleep)
I also have a 9 m/o and he still nurses once or twice at night. He is predictable and the more I nurse him during the day the less likely he is to wake up. Knowing "wake windows" for age really helped me!
It's all so hard but you're obviously doing such a good job!
I'm not sure it's worth it to pay someone, we did the Ferber method and it worked pretty well and quickly. I read the book how to solve your child's sleep problems (the chapter about baby sleep)
I also have a 9 m/o and he still nurses once or twice at night. He is predictable and the more I nurse him during the day the less likely he is to wake up. Knowing "wake windows" for age really helped me!
It's all so hard but you're obviously doing such a good job!
@mrmovie1983 We sleep trained both our babies, with a consultant. We went with a “low cry” method—so for three nights I was able to sit by the crib and rub, pat, etc., but was not supposed to pick him up. Then was supposed to move father and farther away. After literally the first night, baby fell asleep independently for all naps and at bedtime. It wound up being so much less crying in the long run (previously baby was up every 43 minutes most of the night, and it was hard to get him back to sleep without nursing him). I also felt comfortable with it because while he did cry that first night, at least I was there and he knew he wasn’t alone? With my second first night she fussed for 7 minutes and fell asleep on her own. I wanted a consultant because I wanted an outside person to make all the decisions—like what to do if first nap is only 8 minutes, do you try again later? Have three naps? What if last nap is going long, do you wake up the baby? Push back bedtime? I was too sleep deprived and I didn’t want to have to make any of those decisions anymore.
@mrmovie1983 I am also skeptical of sleep consultants. It seems like they all recommend nearly the exact same thing (consistent schedule & naptime/bedtime routine, white noise, independent sleep in the crib, cry it out), they just apply their own terminology or stupid acronyms to it. For some families and some babies, all these things work out just fine. And some parents are okay with sleep training and find it worth it. If that's you, more power to you! But it sounds like in your gut, you are not okay with it, and IMO that is 100% okay as well. Your baby is only going to be a baby for a little bit longer, and if you're more or less okay with how things are now, then I truly wouldn't stress. Yes, regressions happen (repeatedly) but they eventually end!
If it helps at all, we have a pretty similar system that I'm really happy with lately. We start our bedtime routine at 7pm, and that includes a breastfeeding session. After the feed, my husband puts our baby to bed in his crib in the nursery and stays with the baby while he falls asleep. He's usually asleep by 7:30. He stays in his crib until sometime between 1 - 3am usually, and my husband is "on duty" during that time. If the baby needs soothing, my husband does it because we try not to do another feed until at least 1:30 or 2am. Once it's time to feed, the baby comes into bed, nurses in a side-lying position, and we bedshare for the rest of the night. I try do at most two MOTN feeds, and I try to avoid having his sleep while latched, but I'm not super strict about it since I prioritize our sleep. Baby wakes up sometime between 6 and 7am and is very happy in the mornings, so this seems to work for him too!
It works well because 1) we adults still get our peaceful evening together during the baby's initial long stretch; 2) as the baby's sleep improves, he spends more and more time in his crib (last night he was in there until 5:45am - not the norm but still, yay!!) and 3) I still get those cuddles that I love so much!
If it helps at all, we have a pretty similar system that I'm really happy with lately. We start our bedtime routine at 7pm, and that includes a breastfeeding session. After the feed, my husband puts our baby to bed in his crib in the nursery and stays with the baby while he falls asleep. He's usually asleep by 7:30. He stays in his crib until sometime between 1 - 3am usually, and my husband is "on duty" during that time. If the baby needs soothing, my husband does it because we try not to do another feed until at least 1:30 or 2am. Once it's time to feed, the baby comes into bed, nurses in a side-lying position, and we bedshare for the rest of the night. I try do at most two MOTN feeds, and I try to avoid having his sleep while latched, but I'm not super strict about it since I prioritize our sleep. Baby wakes up sometime between 6 and 7am and is very happy in the mornings, so this seems to work for him too!
It works well because 1) we adults still get our peaceful evening together during the baby's initial long stretch; 2) as the baby's sleep improves, he spends more and more time in his crib (last night he was in there until 5:45am - not the norm but still, yay!!) and 3) I still get those cuddles that I love so much!
mrmovie1983
New member
@peruss I appreciate your advice. I feel like until the 8 month regression, that was almost what we were doing? I would feed, then place him in his playpen crib in our room and he would sleep, and the first time he woke up to feed, I would nurse him and place him back to sleep independently, then the next time he woke, I would bring him to co sleep and nurse side lying. But it's just that now he will wake up and scream when I attempt to put him in the crib. So then we just put him to sleep in our bed, but I'm not super comfortable with it because he's starting to roll when he wakes up now, not just fuss.
I do keep trying to put him down in his own sleep space tho, to hopefully one day get back to where we were. I guess it's just hard as a FTM to wrap my head around how he went from sleeping 7+hours straight and independently, to waking up so often and refusing to sleep on his own.
I do keep trying to put him down in his own sleep space tho, to hopefully one day get back to where we were. I guess it's just hard as a FTM to wrap my head around how he went from sleeping 7+hours straight and independently, to waking up so often and refusing to sleep on his own.
@mrmovie1983 Definitely - we haven't hit 8 months yet, but the 4 month regression was BRUTAL in our household and it was so hard mentally/emotionally (beyond just the extreme sleep deprivation). Intellectually I know sleep is not linear, but phew it is awful to live through steps "backward."
Sending you good energy vibes with whatever you decide to do!
Sending you good energy vibes with whatever you decide to do!
mrmovie1983
New member
@mrmovie1983 I would never.