How far is “too far” of a drive to see your child?

[strestlessheart333]

My(28f) son’s(6m) dad(28m) says I made it too difficult for him to see his son, Z, because I now live 30+ miles away from him.

I personally think he’s spouting bullshit.
Opinions?

EDIT::
To add more background, I ended the relationship when my son was 5mo old. He was absent for a year and half after that to get his “shit together”. He lived no more than 10min drive.
After that, he moved 3min drive away and still didn’t see his son frequently unless I personally delivered my son to him.
Then moved 10min away again, this time we had 50/50
Then moved 20 minutes away, we continued 50/50 until the beginning of covid and I’ve had him 100% ever since.
Moved back to 10 min away
And then I moved 30 minutes away and now I’ve made life that much harder for him because how dare I move away…(?)

He doesn’t pay child support and harassed me for MONTHS to get him off of it when he was only paying $100 A MONTH. He hasn’t paid a dime in over 2 years.
He also likes to come and go whenever it is he gets too mad at me or needs to “work on some things”

 

[samira]

@strestlessheart333 Full time single dad here .

Pfft , I drive further to get to work to feed my kids .

On that note “see” child is kinda shitty, drive for 60 miles to pick up your kid for the week is a small inconvenience

 

[marissa22]

@samira 60 miles is 96.56 km

 

[kingdomkings]

@marissa22 Good bot.

 

[curiousaboutworship]

@samira Long rides are harder for kids to bear than for adults. Especially for 6 year olds.

30 miles in rural America might be a fast ride but 30 miles in an urban setting is a 1 hour drive. So if OP is in NYC or LA etc then 30 miles is absolutely too far for the little one.

 

[peterpeter]

@strestlessheart333

too difficult

No such thing, in my opinon.

 

[willumg]

@strestlessheart333 Too far? smh no such thing ..not when it come to your kid .

 

[mannaflavours]

@strestlessheart333 Nope he's just lazy and finds it to much of a inconvenience to drive alittle to see his OWN child. His lost and you and your son deserve better anyway. What a deadbeat!!!! I'm a single dad raising my 2 and 3 yr old by myself.

 

[sally454]

@strestlessheart333 I've had similar with my kids dad. He moved 30 miles away and dropped the amount of time he saw them because it is 'too far.' He would then get shitty with me that I wouldn't bring them to him on public transport which would be 1 bus, 1 walk, 1 train.

I passed my driving test recently (way bigger deal in the UK than the states) and I now take delight in dropping them to him and saying what a lively drive it is.

But really, 30 miles is not far. For your kids the moon shouldn't be too far.

 

[marissa22]

@sally454 30 miles is 48.28 km

 

[pressingon1966]

@strestlessheart333 My ex said the same thing. I’ve lived on the same side of town for the past 12 years. I even bent a few times and would meet him or his mom half way (about 15 miles) but I’ve stopped doing that. I have my daughter 98% of the time. That includes daycare drop offs and pick ups plus a 20 mile each way commute to work. I told him if he couldn’t pick her up he just won’t see her.

 

[curiousaboutworship]

@strestlessheart333 If both coparents can't easily take the kids to school on their respective days then the coparents live too far apart and the children suffer.

All children deserve 50/50 access to both parents, so if the distance makes that equal access hard on the kids, the distance is too far apart.

 

[ejuldlt]

@strestlessheart333 It can be a cost burden. If he's paying child support and all his regular bills, I'd believe it feels that way. For those who aren't being bums, sometimes reworking the budget helps. For others, they try to get OT to cover the extra cost, but then that means they simply don't have the free time to actually visit. When this happens, sometimes the court orders the moving parent to provide all transportation.

 

[strestlessheart333]

@ejuldlt He doesn’t pay for anything.

 

[ejuldlt]

@strestlessheart333 Then he's just a bum saying and doing bum things. It's easy to doubt yourself when you want to hold on to hope for change

 

[ryancolter96]

@strestlessheart333 He sounds useless and is just using everything under the sun as an excuse. My daughters father was just as useless the first 6 months of her life and is just now starting to come around. He now drives 60+ miles every Monday to see his child. Any real father will drive unlimited miles to see their OWN CHILD. Let the child support keep adding up and do you. Sending positive vibes your way. You’re a tough cookie

 

[rayj255]

@strestlessheart333 my brother drives 7 hours to see his kid.

hes just using it as an excuse.

you already know this.

ignore him and don't take the child support off.