How do I tell my husband to have a little more empathy for me as a sahm?
- Thread starter cliffco
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@heatherjohn Only if she takes the kids with her. I highly doubt a man that won’t wash his own clothes would properly care for the kids while she’s gone.
charismaticlady
New member
@cliffco He’d be washing all of his own clothes from then on. I typically do all of the laundry in our house, and my husband will ask me if I’m planning to do a load because he needs XYZ in a couple days or if he should wash it himself. Your husband is a dick. Not to mention, all this over being ALMOST late? Not even actually late? Fuck him. He can make his own lunches too, by the way.
@cliffco Are you his mother or wife?????? Idc if he’s at work all day and shit, you’re taking care of the whole house+kids which is exhausting (I don’t have any yet but Ik it is) so he needs to have compassion towards you and if he doesn’t then he’s free to do his laundry alone and prepare his own lunch.
glorytogod01
New member
@cliffco This ticks me off for you. I agree with what everyone else here is saying. He doesn't get it, as he is not the sahp.
Our girls are 3&5 now, but one time back when I was super pregnant and the older one was 2, I remember crying about my husband's work pants being wrinkled. I managed to wash them, put them in the dryer, but did not get them out of the dryer for a day or so. Did he look at me and say, "get to ironing, dear!".... absolutely not. I said "sorry, just tell your coworkers your wife is slacking on her work." And he was like "No no noooo. Your work is not to do my laundry, your work is to be mom. Clean clothes are just a bonus. I'll get these ironed, or just wash and dry them again
. I can do laundry too."
And that's all on me being my own worst critic, and thankful I married a guy who doesn't criticize. I really hope your husband can grow from this and really understand what your job is as a sahm to y'all's kids.
Our girls are 3&5 now, but one time back when I was super pregnant and the older one was 2, I remember crying about my husband's work pants being wrinkled. I managed to wash them, put them in the dryer, but did not get them out of the dryer for a day or so. Did he look at me and say, "get to ironing, dear!".... absolutely not. I said "sorry, just tell your coworkers your wife is slacking on her work." And he was like "No no noooo. Your work is not to do my laundry, your work is to be mom. Clean clothes are just a bonus. I'll get these ironed, or just wash and dry them again
. I can do laundry too." And that's all on me being my own worst critic, and thankful I married a guy who doesn't criticize. I really hope your husband can grow from this and really understand what your job is as a sahm to y'all's kids.
@glorytogod01 From what I’ve experienced and read, there’s a very rare and specific type of man that will feel the same way as your husband, especially one who continues to feel that way with added children/stress. You really are one of the lucky ones. Because a lot of men feel extremely entitled to having their wife do everything for them, just like in the “good ol days” when women didn’t have a choice. Thank fucking God we have a choice now, because we’re finally breaking the cycle and hopefully our children won’t have to deal with this inbred narcissistic entitlement that is plaguing our men.
@ej99
I struggle with this so much. My husband is an equal partner in every single sense of the word.. has never in 20 years treated me like anything less than a partner and best friend. I consider myself very lucky because he is an amazing person. But I don’t consider myself lucky because he does his own laundry, because that’s praising him for the low bar set by these lazy excuses for men, which in my opinion harms men too. They are capable of accomplishing amazing things but it’s easy to get complacent when the standard is just “clean the sweat off your own clothes”.
I struggle with this so much. My husband is an equal partner in every single sense of the word.. has never in 20 years treated me like anything less than a partner and best friend. I consider myself very lucky because he is an amazing person. But I don’t consider myself lucky because he does his own laundry, because that’s praising him for the low bar set by these lazy excuses for men, which in my opinion harms men too. They are capable of accomplishing amazing things but it’s easy to get complacent when the standard is just “clean the sweat off your own clothes”.
%D0%90%D0%BD%D0%B3%D0%B5%D0%BB
New member
@cliffco In my experience (10 years as a SAHM)... They will not develop empathy, respect, nor appreciation for your position and all that you're doing. It's a personality, intelligence, and maturity thing... My husband only started respecting me (a little) after I tried twice in the past ten years to work full-time professional positions; I worked both times for about five months. We realized both times that we NEED someone at home to do the housework, shopping, cooking, doctor/dental appointments, and the childcare during vacations, days off, and sick days. Both of us working just isn't feasible, at least not until the kids are old enough to be home alone (also because I barely break even after paying for childcare during their vacations). But he needed to see this for himself before he'd understand that a SAHP actually DOES have a purpose and many functions.
No advice. Just solidarity. Good luck.
No advice. Just solidarity. Good luck.
z_alan_bridges
New member
@cliffco I REFUSE to wash my partners clothes. He's luck I was everything else.
And, he's usually home well after me and the kids eat dinner. A few sassy comments about not having made dinner (gave the kids oatmeal or something). And I stopped making him dinner at all. He's welcome to our leftover, if there are any, but I don't stress about him. And I also let him know even eating out leftover puts more work on me, because his dinner serving would be enough for all the rest of the family for lunch. Not to be a sick but SAHP doesn't mean working parents cook.
And, he's usually home well after me and the kids eat dinner. A few sassy comments about not having made dinner (gave the kids oatmeal or something). And I stopped making him dinner at all. He's welcome to our leftover, if there are any, but I don't stress about him. And I also let him know even eating out leftover puts more work on me, because his dinner serving would be enough for all the rest of the family for lunch. Not to be a sick but SAHP doesn't mean working parents cook.