rainysunflower
New member
Hello! I’ve been wanting to write this for a while.
I’m 37, mom to our angel of a toddler who is 2, and dad is 36.
What’s holding us back: we prize balance (husband more than myself) and the half of the year that is wildly busy for my husband at work can be hard to keep the family intimacy that is so good for everyone’s mental health. I’m a SAHM who largely runs the house myself. I had been planning to switch careers and go back to work ft but motherhood has been so incredible that I have really taken to being a sahm mom and am feeling the pressure of my ticking clock to either go for it now and try for another baby and revisit career goals (honestly I’m not very career driven anymore!) or completely shelve the idea. Note: we are financially ok and own a home but we don’t like frivolously.
I know the newborn phase will be hard, but our question is more so geared towards a long view of having a family of 4 vs 3 vis a vis the overall harmony of the family unit at the different life stages of the kids. What’s it like being a family of 4 when the kiddos are 2 and 5, 5 and 8, 8 and 11?? Etc… what are the dynamics in the family/ between siblings at those differing developmental phases?
We know so much depends on the child that fate delivers you, so perhaps I’d find your anecdotes about your second child (their personality, how they changed or added to your family dynamic) to be great food for thought.
We would have another in a heartbeat if we were not such tentative people who have our primary concern with mental health, building a tranquil and nurturing home for everyone who lives within it, and a generally healthy emotional life for all involved.
Also: Our boy is thriving, open to other children, patient and present, affectionate. Has some terrible two melt downs when overtired (ie: I want the poop back in my diaper! When changed - haha!) but we communicate well with him and we’re lucky that he has a calm and generally very receptive manner about him. He sleeps well. He is almost potty trained.
I’m 37, mom to our angel of a toddler who is 2, and dad is 36.
What’s holding us back: we prize balance (husband more than myself) and the half of the year that is wildly busy for my husband at work can be hard to keep the family intimacy that is so good for everyone’s mental health. I’m a SAHM who largely runs the house myself. I had been planning to switch careers and go back to work ft but motherhood has been so incredible that I have really taken to being a sahm mom and am feeling the pressure of my ticking clock to either go for it now and try for another baby and revisit career goals (honestly I’m not very career driven anymore!) or completely shelve the idea. Note: we are financially ok and own a home but we don’t like frivolously.
I know the newborn phase will be hard, but our question is more so geared towards a long view of having a family of 4 vs 3 vis a vis the overall harmony of the family unit at the different life stages of the kids. What’s it like being a family of 4 when the kiddos are 2 and 5, 5 and 8, 8 and 11?? Etc… what are the dynamics in the family/ between siblings at those differing developmental phases?
We know so much depends on the child that fate delivers you, so perhaps I’d find your anecdotes about your second child (their personality, how they changed or added to your family dynamic) to be great food for thought.
We would have another in a heartbeat if we were not such tentative people who have our primary concern with mental health, building a tranquil and nurturing home for everyone who lives within it, and a generally healthy emotional life for all involved.
Also: Our boy is thriving, open to other children, patient and present, affectionate. Has some terrible two melt downs when overtired (ie: I want the poop back in my diaper! When changed - haha!) but we communicate well with him and we’re lucky that he has a calm and generally very receptive manner about him. He sleeps well. He is almost potty trained.
). They are wildly different, but so loving towards each other. Our first was a high needs/sleep avoidant/Velcro baby for the first year, but we leaned into it and had solid bonding time together. We expected our second to be similar in temperament, but she’s a completely different person. Oddly, our sleepless nights never happened during the newborn stage with our second, and what’s crazier, or luckier, is that my 3y/o fell right into the same nighttime schedule as her baby sister. By some miracle, they both go to bed at 7pm, where before my first kid would fall asleep closer to 9pm (bedtime was a challenge). Anyway, all of a sudden my spouse and I have more time together, and we can work on projects or tidy up before bed. We have to repeat ourselves often to be gentle with baby sister since sometimes the silliness escalates into rough tickling. There is also less space in the car. But everyone is healthy, and we have even more laughter in the house. We were planning on being a one and done family, but ultimately decided that we had more love to share and didn’t try/didn’t prevent another pregnancy. Honestly, having our kids has been a joy– I’m sure there will be rough patches, sibling rivalry, etc, but so far our experience has positively exceeded our expectations.
8 weeks in with reflux. 
that said, we’ve started getting smiles now and it’s amazing.
thanks for sharing your experience candidly and congratulations on your new baby.
it definitely changes the dynamics. You will have less free time. One kid will tantrum when the other is calm and then they’ll switch off. The night your 2nd finally sleeps through the night your first will have a nightmare and come wake you. We are exhausted. But it’s also so freaking adorable. They are 2 and 5 now and watching them interact makes my heart wanna explode! It’s not an easy decision! Good luck!