How did my mom do it
- Thread starter j2019
- Start date
dutchposter
New member
@j2019 For some people (then and now and forevermore) housekeeping is their hobby, so there will always be spotless houses. Except you could probably only compare a couple dozen to your own. Now we compare thousands of strangers’ houses to our own through social media.
The “village” back then may have been present, but it also was dangerous and we have survivorship bias. Kids were allowed to be outside unsupervised or go to neighbors’ houses who may not know the parents. Parents were encouraged to let their babies cry it out, but now we are aware of the long term impact of cortisol production in children. Also food, air, water, even media was different, as is how we consume it and how much attention is paid to it.
The “village” back then may have been present, but it also was dangerous and we have survivorship bias. Kids were allowed to be outside unsupervised or go to neighbors’ houses who may not know the parents. Parents were encouraged to let their babies cry it out, but now we are aware of the long term impact of cortisol production in children. Also food, air, water, even media was different, as is how we consume it and how much attention is paid to it.
cantgiveup
New member
christianmentor1
New member
@j2019 Agree with everything said by others and want to add that parents - both Moms and Dads spend a LOT more time with their kids. Yes kids can be over scheduled but also just we spend more time playing with them, etc. My Mom was a SAHM and she rarely played with us except when we were on vacation.
@j2019 Oh geez. Then my only explanation is that she is built different
. I say that jokingly but also just different people have different thresholds for stress, and that’s okay. I think the vast majority of working moms feel exactly like you do. I know for sure that I do! Moms like yours are the unicorns. They exist, but it’s not the norm.
. I say that jokingly but also just different people have different thresholds for stress, and that’s okay. I think the vast majority of working moms feel exactly like you do. I know for sure that I do! Moms like yours are the unicorns. They exist, but it’s not the norm.@samarami I really think she is this unicorn. A lot of her friends comment on how the never stops. She also cared for / is still caring for her aging parents. She tells me two cups of coffee and she can do anything. I’m beginning to realize maybe she wasn’t the norm and it’s okay if I don’t live up to that. It’s hard because she’s my only example!
@pithypole She was really into roller skating and ice skating. Her hobbies dwindled as we got older and more involved in sports.
adambranson
New member
@j2019 My mom was physical therapist, and she had a spotless house, cooked like a chef, plus did some of the yard work and a lot of tinkering. She let me tag along for most of it and taught me so much. But she also got cancer when pregnant with my brother and me being under 2. At that time we also didn't have a lot of money so that worried her a lot and she knew my father was useless as a caretaker. I can't help but think what a huge impact doing it all had on her health.
And when I think back on who I want to be as a mom vs. who I knew her to be as mine, I really like my choices better. I don't give a crap if my daughter makes her bed, I'm certainly not going to get mad or damage my relationship with her over things so trivial. I imagine my mother cared because her mother was a type A cleaning freak, and that's what she learnt, but I can't muster the energy for this with my own kid.
I guess that's also why I worked my ass off in my career for 10 years before having a baby, and reached a pretty nice point now. I didn't want to worry about money ever. I've hired help to clean once a week, and most of the time, the house is a bit messy but clean and I'm just fine with that. If you are happy with your life, it shouldn't matter what your mother or anyone thinks you look like. You are allowed to be tired and want a break too.
And when I think back on who I want to be as a mom vs. who I knew her to be as mine, I really like my choices better. I don't give a crap if my daughter makes her bed, I'm certainly not going to get mad or damage my relationship with her over things so trivial. I imagine my mother cared because her mother was a type A cleaning freak, and that's what she learnt, but I can't muster the energy for this with my own kid.
I guess that's also why I worked my ass off in my career for 10 years before having a baby, and reached a pretty nice point now. I didn't want to worry about money ever. I've hired help to clean once a week, and most of the time, the house is a bit messy but clean and I'm just fine with that. If you are happy with your life, it shouldn't matter what your mother or anyone thinks you look like. You are allowed to be tired and want a break too.
@j2019 Hon, I'm late to the party but please stop beating yourself up. Life today is so much much more complicated than it was even 20 years ago. I was a working single mom a long time ago, but today there are so many interruptions and distractions that I'm guessing you are interrupted at least every minute of your day and it is no wonder you feel overwhelmed and that you can't get anything done. It is not your fault. Back then (!), there were half the number of people, there was no internet, there was no 24/7 news, stores, tv, radio closed overnight. My gentle advice and recommendation is for you to review what external things are stealing time and energy from you, and prioritize the important things. My lifetime of experience (meaning trying to learn from a lot of mistakes) has shown me that taking care of you and your loved ones are highest priority - spending time with them and growing with them. Work on ignoring the distractions so you can pay attention to the important things. It's very hard - I struggle with it every day. But you being aware enough to see the problem means you are halfway there - you got this!!
@diakonos3 The routine we have is the same every day. Myself, my husband, my mom, and our babysitter all stick to this routine. I get up the same time everyday and do it. I am still just beyond exhausted all of the time.
nailinhishand
New member
@diakonos3 Dunno why you have been downvoted when this is useful. I see a lot of excuses and trivialising the difficulties our parents generations had to go through. Lots of blame on social media, phones etc but none of us are forced to scroll all day and compare with mummy bloggers??