How can I get my 8 month old sleeping in his crib? WITHOUT crying it out

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galatians220lyric

New member
I need some advice. I (26F) need help getting my 8 month old to sleep in his crib but I don’t want to use the CIO method. How long can I let him cry before it’s the CIO method?? I can’t get myself to let him cry more than 5 minutes before my heart is breaking and I go to him. Eventually he ends up in bed with me because I’m so depleted. I also know if I don’t sleep I won’t be my best self for him the next day. I had a traumatic/abusive childhood and I think my anxiety gets to me most regarding this. I don’t want him to feel abandoned or experience trauma if I can stop it. My husband and I argue nightly about me being unable to let him cry and I can’t take the constant arguing. I’m the one going to him all night either way, though sometimes when I’m truly exhausted I’ll try to get my husband to help me 1-2 times in the night. Any advice?
(P.S. I’m not looking for any husband-bashing, I love him and he does a lot for the family. We just constantly get into it about this specifically.)
 
@galatians220lyric I have had 3 cosleeping babies who all slept in their cribs by 8 months without CIO. The key is goooo sloooow. It's the long haul. Try one transition at a time. Maybe at first he starts the night in his crib. I have a 15 minute rule. Try for 15 minutes to get him to settle in his crib and if it doesn't work, abandon, do the normal routine and try again tomorrow.

It's all practice. What I don't like about the language around sleep training or not is very all or nothing. Think of it as just practice. We're gonna practice starting the night in the crib. Practice that involves screaming isn't probably very helpful. But practice 15 minutes a day isn't bad. Until one day the crib is not an unusual or scary place- it's very familiar.

So we'd start practicing sleeping in the crib, abandon plan after 15 minutes. Then at some point baby stays asleep. Then for a while maybe they come into my bed halfway through the night. Eventually I'll start putting them back down after the middle of night feeding- again 15 minutes and then abandon plan. Then we'd work on skipping overnight feed. Then we'd work on falling asleep in the crib. All very very very slowly.

Hope that helps.
 
@anayat11011 yep this is what we’ve been doing too! we usually start the night by putting her in her crib already asleep, and if she wakes up in the middle of the night and doesn’t settle back down i just bring her in bed with us instead of staying up for who knows how long. we’ve had several nights of full nights in the crib! going slow with no pressure is definitely the key
 
@anayat11011 I love this. We're cosleeping with our now toddler who's one and a half (19 months) and she's still up at least 4 times a night to nurse... usually more often now that she's getting her molars. We've been struggling to figure out how to get her to nurse less without her crying her eyes out and it taking forever. I really appreciate how gentle your method is and now I'm inspired.
 
@galatians220lyric I spent a lot of time singing the same song to my now 1yo while she was going to sleep - either rocking in my arms or side nursing in bed or walking in the pram. It’s now become a sleep cue for her and if I sing it, she settles and falls asleep. This makes my transfers more successful and having got her to sleep, I can resettle her when I put her in a cot or in the bed (or even into the pram). Singing also helps with my anxiety and I think once I’m relaxed, then my baby is too. I only let mine cry for a few breaths because I can tell in that time if she’s vaguely grumbling or dedicated to her message. So maybe a minute or so? My partner also thinks I should let her cry longer and the few times I’ve tried, it didn’t work for either of us. I resolved those arguments by trying his suggestion and then explaining that I wasn’t comfortable continuing but welcomed him to continue to have input in another scenario. Oh and my singing voice is terrible but she doesn’t care 😂
 
@galatians220lyric It's okay if you can't do that!! I don't think I'll be able to either. My girl is still younger but what I think is I will try to exhaust her with play and stimulation, bath and then cuddle / rock and put her in the crib. If he wakes go in to soothe but don't take him out. Just put a hand on him, binky etc..
 
@galatians220lyric My baby is almost 7 months and we are trying to get more serious about him doing the first stretch of sleep in his crib but it takes a lot of work. Basically I’m nursing and rocking him to sleep in the chair then setting him in his crib asleep, usually it takes 3-4 tries (getting him back to sleep in the chair each time) before he stays asleep through the transfer. When he wakes up from that first stretch of sleep I do it again. After his second wake up I just bring him to our bed because I’m tired and want to go to sleep myself, but my hope is that those stretches get longer and he comes into the bed later and later until it’s just in the morning.
 
@galatians220lyric I don’t let my babies cry alone if I can help it either. I think you should have a conversation about this with your husband to try to help him understand your perspective. Why is it a good thing in your husband’s mind to let the baby cry? What is it accomplishing? I would remind him that a baby is a person. You would not leave your husband to cry alone, you would not leave your mom or best friend to cry alone - so you will not leave your baby to cry alone either. Especially considering a baby understands less and is more vulnerable than an adult. It would be like leaving a dementia patient to cry alone. It doesn’t accomplish anything other than confusing and stressing that person. And even if it caused the baby no harm, it is causing YOU harm by causing you heartbreak and stress. You should go to your crying baby as soon as you can for your own mental health if nothing else. ❤️
 
@galatians220lyric My husband literally said "yeah, I don't think her crying affects me the same way it affects you"
We are hormonally and physiologically driven to go pick up the crying baby. Baby is just expressing their needs. You are responding. Listening to my baby cry is like torture.

That being said I think rolling away from a side zip pack n play or floor bed. Or sidecar a crib and try to get baby used to it.
 
@galatians220lyric If mom is doing all the sleep management; mom does what works for her and baby. Dad needs to not opine as it’s on mom. Also tell him this phase will end faster than you hoped and will look back and miss it.

I’m in your boat with my 11mo old. We cosleep only because it’s the only way I got sleep and baby just cried and cried in crib. So here we are. Dad does zero night shifts as baby only settles for boob. I’m sure he would prefer I let him cry it out, but I need my sleep. And I don’t think he would like that either 🤩. That is another point you can tell hubby: how you would be worse off with no sleep

Keep following your guy mama and try to explain it to hubby.
 
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