@lesbian5eva I did this with my second until he was 17months. I worked 24hrs/week out of the house / telehealth. I ended up doing a lot of weekends too. At 8 months we hired a babysitter 2x/week for 5hrs and that was a huge relief. You can work during naps pretty effectively too. My husband works intense hours, so I did all the nighttime care and I'm still sane. It's doable but you have to enjoy both your job and time with your baby to make it worth it.
Has anyone been a SAHM during the day while husband is at work and then gone to work in the evenings? How did it work out for you?
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johnejohne
New member
@lesbian5eva As someone in academia, will this doctorate pay the bills when he’s finished? Or is this a passion project? I only ask because he has a baby now and his wife is about to start working a job and a half to support the family. This doesn’t seem fair. I have always had a job in grad school. How much is he pitching in?
lukeh021471
New member
@lesbian5eva We have a similar set up in our house and find it works really well. My husband works 7am-5pm Monday to Thursday from the office, with Fridays off, and I work 2 evenings, a full Friday and one weekend day a week all from home. Granted my kids are a bit older (9yo & 5yo) so they’re both in school during the week which gives me time to do a bit of housework, prep dinners, do grocery shopping and also have some chill time, but we’ve been doing this routine since I finished maternity leave with my first, well within the baby trenches.
Husband is happy to do bedtimes and the kids’ homework with them, and we both get an even split of household admin as a result. I still get plenty of time with my kids (including tucking them at night seeing as I’m WFH) while maintaining my position at work. We also don’t have to pay any childcare!
Husband is happy to do bedtimes and the kids’ homework with them, and we both get an even split of household admin as a result. I still get plenty of time with my kids (including tucking them at night seeing as I’m WFH) while maintaining my position at work. We also don’t have to pay any childcare!
@lesbian5eva My brother and SIL do this with their 2 kids. She works in the federal government so regular business hours with great family benefits, and he is a LCSW who sees clients in the evenings. It seems to work well for them.
@lesbian5eva So we did that but it was sorta the opposite. It worked out really great actually and we're still on this schedule. My husband works a split shift, so he works 6-10 in the morning and then 4-8 in the evening. Precovid our son would go to daycare in the morning, my husband would pick him up, then I would be off for his second shift. My son is five and we've had this schedule the whole time. I like it.
@lesbian5eva Fellow therapist here
husband and I do something similar but it’s flipped. He works evenings so he’s with my daughter 10-1 in the AM while I work with clients and then I am with her the rest of the day. It’s definitely possible but it took a lot of communication and changing of an already established routine. I would suggest slowly building up your days with clients so you can reduce burnout and still have family time and time for yourself, whatever that may look like for you.
husband and I do something similar but it’s flipped. He works evenings so he’s with my daughter 10-1 in the AM while I work with clients and then I am with her the rest of the day. It’s definitely possible but it took a lot of communication and changing of an already established routine. I would suggest slowly building up your days with clients so you can reduce burnout and still have family time and time for yourself, whatever that may look like for you.one_way_project
New member
@lesbian5eva My kids are now older. It was challenging but we made this work for us. We put what we saved on childcare costs into their college funds. It was all worth it for us.
greendesert
New member
@lesbian5eva My ex-husband and I worked opposite shifts for about 6 years. I had Saturday and Sunday off, he had Sunday and Monday, so the switch was just 4 days a week. The half days we used those as chore days so our one day off together was family day. We did this till our youngest went to preschool at 4. We were low income food service workers, even with culinary degrees, and could not afford day care and this was really our only solution.
@lesbian5eva I did it with my husband. I worked nightshift as a nurse. & he worked 8-4.
We were literally passing ships to hand off the kid. Part of that was I was working 8 hours so I would come home & sleep for four before getting up with the kids. Honestly, it was really hard on our marriage, not seeing each other.
Could you do 3-4 days a week instead of m-f? Give you guys some family nights, plus weekends?
We were literally passing ships to hand off the kid. Part of that was I was working 8 hours so I would come home & sleep for four before getting up with the kids. Honestly, it was really hard on our marriage, not seeing each other.
Could you do 3-4 days a week instead of m-f? Give you guys some family nights, plus weekends?
@lesbian5eva Very similar situation here. I’m a therapist and my husband works mostly normal work hours but has a somewhat flexible schedule.
My son is now 19 months. I went back to work very slowly at almost four months post partum. I started with just Sundays, and then eventually added in weeknights and Saturdays.
This is a very difficult schedule. We’ve been making it work, but when I work in the evenings, I’m only doing a few sessions (7pm and 8pm).
Pre baby, I had no issue working nights. By the time 7pm rolls around now, I’m exhausted. I do not have the time or energy or mental capacity to maintain the same caseload that I did before. My cognitive functioning has declined. I’ve largely stopped seeing minors because it is so difficult to schedule calls with schools/doctors/etc because I’m with my son all day.
I see my husband very little and we get very very little family time.
Some things to consider:
If you’re planning to breastfeed/pump, you’re going to need to build that time into your schedule. I was pumping every two hours because of supply issues. This impacted how many clients I could schedule in a day.
What kinds of clients are you working with? Are you trying to coordinate care with other professionals? If so, you’ll need to build time into your schedule for that during the time you’ll have your baby. Naps are often inconsistent (and contact naps) for the first while.
What kind of content are your clients bringing into session? How often and easily are you getting burned out now? You should expect that you are going to be more burned out once you have the baby, since it might be harder for you to meet your own needs.
Will you be able to provide equitable care? Will your client on Monday at 8pm receive the same care as your client on Thursday at 5pm?
I really don’t recommend this schedule. We are doing it out of necessity. Partially financial and partially because my son has developmental delays and requires a number of therapies throughout the week.
I wish you luck! Remember, it’s okay to change your plans.
My son is now 19 months. I went back to work very slowly at almost four months post partum. I started with just Sundays, and then eventually added in weeknights and Saturdays.
This is a very difficult schedule. We’ve been making it work, but when I work in the evenings, I’m only doing a few sessions (7pm and 8pm).
Pre baby, I had no issue working nights. By the time 7pm rolls around now, I’m exhausted. I do not have the time or energy or mental capacity to maintain the same caseload that I did before. My cognitive functioning has declined. I’ve largely stopped seeing minors because it is so difficult to schedule calls with schools/doctors/etc because I’m with my son all day.
I see my husband very little and we get very very little family time.
Some things to consider:
If you’re planning to breastfeed/pump, you’re going to need to build that time into your schedule. I was pumping every two hours because of supply issues. This impacted how many clients I could schedule in a day.
What kinds of clients are you working with? Are you trying to coordinate care with other professionals? If so, you’ll need to build time into your schedule for that during the time you’ll have your baby. Naps are often inconsistent (and contact naps) for the first while.
What kind of content are your clients bringing into session? How often and easily are you getting burned out now? You should expect that you are going to be more burned out once you have the baby, since it might be harder for you to meet your own needs.
Will you be able to provide equitable care? Will your client on Monday at 8pm receive the same care as your client on Thursday at 5pm?
I really don’t recommend this schedule. We are doing it out of necessity. Partially financial and partially because my son has developmental delays and requires a number of therapies throughout the week.
I wish you luck! Remember, it’s okay to change your plans.
@lesbian5eva I did something similar - worked in academia so I cared for my first during the day unless I had a class and did all grading, emails, admin stuff at night. It’s fine to do short term - if you have a hard stop of 2025 with regular nights or weekends totally to yourself built in for your sanity. It’s not sustainable long term. I’m 36 and at burnout from living like this.
claudiosm82
New member
@lesbian5eva That seems doable, but it may be hard for you to feel like you don't get much leisure time where you aren't responsible for your baby. Additionally, if you plan to nurse your baby, or feed them pumped breast milk, you'll need to build a break into your evening schedule to nurse or to pump. Your baby may or may not go through a phase where they are very fussy and cannot be consoled during the evening hours, and that may present additional challenges. That phase mostly goes away by 4 or 5 months, at least for my kids, so you might want to wait until then to return to part-time work. You'll probably be more well-rested at that point as well.
Will your husband be out of the house from 8-5? Or he is working some days from home and could give you a break during the day? What about on the weekends? Is he expecting to also work some hours on the weekends, so you wouldn't get much of a break then either?
Will your husband be out of the house from 8-5? Or he is working some days from home and could give you a break during the day? What about on the weekends? Is he expecting to also work some hours on the weekends, so you wouldn't get much of a break then either?
@lesbian5eva Just be careful of your workload. A few days a week I don't have childcare and WFH and take care of my baby on those days. I'm often feeling burnt out, don't get a break or time for myself until the late evenings, when I should probably work more but can't. It's definitely two jobs and I'm constantly having to accept being behind on every other thing (taking care of self, baby proofing the house, any other project out the window).
xoptimisticx
New member
@lesbian5eva This is sort of my schedule, I’m a SAHM by day and moonlight as an attorney at night/during the kid’s nap time. It’s exhausting, but doable. It’s only for a short time, before I know it, both kids will be in school and I can go back to regular daytime hours.
You can always try it out, if it doesn’t work, re-evaluate and try something else.
You can always try it out, if it doesn’t work, re-evaluate and try something else.
@lesbian5eva My husband and I worked opposite shift when our son was small. Was supposed to be until he turned 1 then we were going for daycare. Then Covid lockdown happened and we did it until preschool. It was so rough. I didn’t realize what it would be like basically being single parents who rarely saw each other and we’re always solo with the kid. My husband worked 6-230 and I worked either 4-930 or 1-930. Your situation may be easier as you will be home while working and I worked out of the house. I did shout it from the rooftops initially when I thought it was the best idea ever. And it really worked well for maybe a year. After that, we were just burned out and waiting for preschool.
@lesbian5eva I mean, I wouldn’t? My schedule was the most open/flexible when I was a grad student, so I’m curious why your partner can’t take a short parenting shift when you’re most alert and productive to allow you to take a couple clients a day. If that’s not possible, you may look for drop-in nurseries (here, they are all at churches). You’d only need to pay for the time you need when you have appointments.
@lesbian5eva I did exactly this toward the end of my maternity leave. It was doable, but mostly only bc I knew it was short-term. And I only did it with 2 clients, 2 nights a week (and that felt like a lot). You’ll be pretty drained by the time your husband gets home. And tired. You might find yourself phoning it in with your clients. Being at work is FAR easier than being home with a baby. I imagine your baby will go down by 6:30/7, and your husband will get 2 hours to himself every evening to unwind and relax. I’d be seething with envy. Before I had my son I dreamed of being a SAHM… I always thought that people who said, “being a SAHM is the hardest work there is” were pandering. They’re not.
If you do this plan I strongly suggest you get some childcare 2 days per week to give yourself a break. You will burn out fast with this arrangement.
If you do this plan I strongly suggest you get some childcare 2 days per week to give yourself a break. You will burn out fast with this arrangement.
princessbychrist
New member
@lesbian5eva Working 6-9 means you’d never be able to be involved in the bedtime routine. Just something to consider that I haven’t seen others mention. This matters most if you are breastfeeding, but can be mentally challenging regardless.
Also, 6-9 was tough for ME, not just my babies. I mentally couldn’t have served patients well during that time after caring for a child full time all day. Maybe you’re more mentally resilient than I am though!
Also, 6-9 was tough for ME, not just my babies. I mentally couldn’t have served patients well during that time after caring for a child full time all day. Maybe you’re more mentally resilient than I am though!
@lesbian5eva 3 hours a day seems reasonable just share responsibility when it comes to getting up in the middle of the night. My guy works 8-5 and I work 10 pm-6am. You gotta do what you gotta do
singindancerswag
New member
@lesbian5eva I and mine work opposite shifts since my first two started school and with our final. We made it work.
Sleep is the biggest thing to work out. Someone taking the nibbler out to a local park or on errands so u can sleep on days u work. Get ear buds/plugs. It takes while to get use to them and u may have to try different ones.
Sort out who does what in the house, with cars and pets.
U r not a stahm, u r a working mom. Just doing opposite shift that way he and family understand u work.
Shorter work hours initially with building up as nibbler and u adjust. Be flexible- both if u because it is an adjustment. If any trusted family or friends can spell u both even for just an hour or so here and there.
Get sun blocking curtains because even pitch black ones will not do it. Sound canceling white noise machine. I like rain and storms. Make time for u two without nibbler. IMPORTANT.
Come up with an agreed routine for sleeping, not just nibbler but u two as well. Having ur mate on a phone or laptop in bed while the other needs to sleep is a big NO to overcome. Have a sign for the door about no knocking or uninvited guests and make sure all family friends and employers know when not to call.
Sleep is the biggest thing to work out. Someone taking the nibbler out to a local park or on errands so u can sleep on days u work. Get ear buds/plugs. It takes while to get use to them and u may have to try different ones.
Sort out who does what in the house, with cars and pets.
U r not a stahm, u r a working mom. Just doing opposite shift that way he and family understand u work.
Shorter work hours initially with building up as nibbler and u adjust. Be flexible- both if u because it is an adjustment. If any trusted family or friends can spell u both even for just an hour or so here and there.
Get sun blocking curtains because even pitch black ones will not do it. Sound canceling white noise machine. I like rain and storms. Make time for u two without nibbler. IMPORTANT.
Come up with an agreed routine for sleeping, not just nibbler but u two as well. Having ur mate on a phone or laptop in bed while the other needs to sleep is a big NO to overcome. Have a sign for the door about no knocking or uninvited guests and make sure all family friends and employers know when not to call.