Has anyone been a SAHM during the day while husband is at work and then gone to work in the evenings? How did it work out for you?

[alexacker]

@lesbian5eva I was too fried after taking care of the baby all day and being up in the night with him to work that late. Plus it eliminated all of our family time together.

What works for us is a nanny coming in for a couple hours in the morning while we are both working. He works outside the home and I work at home part time. Then I take the baby in the afternoon until my husband gets home and finish up any work that needs finishing while he has the baby.

One day a week the nanny comes for a couple hours while I'm working and he's home to give him a chance to catch up on sleep (shift work life). I get a break for a couple hours one day of the weekend to sleep in.

It's not a perfect system but it works for us.

 

[nonchristiandude]

@lesbian5eva Hello! 19m over here. Dad wfh m-f 8-5, I work 10-6 on a revolving schedule. So far it seems to be working. As long as you’re able to sleep when baby is sleeping, it shouldn’t be an issue. I usually ‘go to bed’ at nap time, which is anytime from 1-3.. wake up around 7-9, depending on hubby and if he is aware there is more than him and the baby alive. When I get home, if it wasn’t a late night it’s pretty nice to stay up, get in some cleaning, me time before everyone else wakes up. Then we can go to a park, tire him out quick.. come home for lunch maybe a movie or a tub.. depending.. then dad takes over at 5!

 

[drofbc]

@lesbian5eva My MIL did something similar. It only worked because both parties were completely dedicated to this is what they wanted. They needed MIL's salary and needed FIL to finish. It was exhausting, but they had clear boundaries and both knew they'd essentially be working 12 hour days. MIL eventually changed to weekends and that was less exhausting for everyone, but zero family time

 

[msams]

@lesbian5eva I don’t have personal experience with this schedule but am also a therapist & heading back to work soon after having my first!

We did consider doing something like this but decided against it because I tend to have better sessions earlier in the day and and I didn’t want to miss out on the evening routine with baby. I know I’d be sad about missing bath time and bed time and I’d possibly be thinking about that in session instead of being fully present. Ultimately, we’ve decided on part-time care.

 

[sifiso]

@msams I’m still on maternity leave, but right now my thinking is that, couldn’t we just do the routine later and then sleep in? But now I’m realizing that it wouldn’t be fair in case my husband worked mornings every day.

 

[tanuki]

@lesbian5eva This is going to vary depending on where you baby is developmentally. It will be a lot more doable after the first six months/whenever your baby starts consistently sleeping through the night.

 

[hersh0501]

@lesbian5eva My husband and I did this for a year and a half- I worked during the day and then he worked evenings. It was hard because we barely saw eachother, but it worked until he was able to quit and become a full time SAHD.

 

[evolve12]

@lesbian5eva Did something similar for about a year, but both of us were technically full time PhD students (at the tail end, year 5), both got incredibly burnt out but did graduate as intended with jobs lined up, but had to pull in grandparent help the last 3 months. As a PhD student, depending on his field, your husband may have more flexibility than you think to be on baby duty in late mornings so you can optimize your best working times.

 

[edwardcruri]

@lesbian5eva When our kids were young I worked weekends and one weekday (MIL) watched the kids on that weekday and my husband worked a regular 9-5. It sucked but we couldn't afford daycare so it had to be done.

 

[pacersrock44]

@lesbian5eva Do it but make sure you’re not doing the typical SAHM load , sure getting some stuff done while the baby naps just makes sense but make sure everything isn’t falling on you because what you’ll actually be is a WFH mom with different hours than your partner.

 

[needhelpnow23]

@lesbian5eva Yes i did it as a freelancer and it worked well

 

[churchbuilder]

@lesbian5eva My husband and I worked opposite schedules for 7 months after my oldest was born; it’s not really that different than being a working parent with a “normal” schedule, you work for a set amount of hours and take care of a child/children for the other amount of hours.
Our schedule at the time was one parent worked 7A-3:30P, other parent worked 4P-2A. Our biggest issue was a lack of quality time, which was HARD on me and our marriage. I hated that we only got to spend Sunday nights together.

 

[dinkold]

@lesbian5eva After my leave was up (18 weeks) I worked 2 hrs a day in the mornings while husband watched LO. I would be wary of working in the evenings because LO nursed to sleep and would need help settling between sleep cycles, especially at the 4 month sleep regression.

 

[rephaiahpedahel]

@lesbian5eva I didn’t do this arrangement but from 4-14 months me and my husband just worked opposite shifts. He does 5 12-hour shifts every two weeks and I pick up 1 to 3 8-hour shifts when he’s off. Now we have a sitter so I can work here and there when he’s working and we can either have more income or more family time together.

 

[daq]

@lesbian5eva My husband works from home in computing for a big corporate and teach look after kiddo during the day. 4pm - late I teach private music lessons. Not gonna lie it was really tough when she was a baby and we were both exhausted. Breastfeeding and pumping didn’t help either. Now she’s nearly 3 and we’ve got a good routine going and we both get to bond with kiddo.

 

[daniel76]

@lesbian5eva It’s doable but it might be intense. I work part time during my baby’s naps and after he goes to bed, and it makes for a really long day. Especially when his naps and bedtime are off. However I love the flexibility to go do things with him during the day and spend time with him so it is overall worth it to me. Since you won’t have to work during naps you’ll be able to get some you time which will be really important. As other people have said, come up with a clear outline of what this will look like with your husband so you don’t end up feeling like you’re doing 3 jobs and he’s only doing 2.

ETA: my job also isn’t client facing.

 

[tlee43]

@lesbian5eva Lots of parents work opposite shifts to avoid daycare. It’s not a novel idea. You just have to decide how well it will work for you especially since you’ll be WFH.

 

[buggins]

@lesbian5eva My husband works full time and I work part time 4 days a week, 6 hours each day, opposite him. There is a 2 hour overlap because I WFH and right now, my 1 year old naps those hours. I have flexibility to change my hours if needed, and my boss is aware of the arrangement. My husband has 2 week days off so it's only a couple days a week that we do this.

It works because he's an equal parent/partner. I do more of the daily housework (dishes, general clean up) but he does the laundry, taking out the trash and pet litter. I cannot imagine doing this without having had the open discussion prior about who will do what and when.

I don't like getting out of work at 7:30pm but I do like not paying for daycare and being sick for months on end - worth it! I may be moving to a new role that would go back to a regular 9-5 schedule full time. If that happens, my husband will likely go part time or we'll hire a nanny for a few hours during the day so I can have some time while my husband isn't home to focus on work.

Anything is doable if you communicate and split everything in a way that you both feel is fair.

 

[simmeh]

@lesbian5eva I did that for a few months during lockdown when my kid was 1 1/2. It was tough but doable, but my job was much less stressful.

 

[beachgal]

@lesbian5eva I work mornings and he works afternoons/evenings. It's doable. The vast majority of stuff at home does fall to my shoulders, but unfortunately that seems to be the norm in most homes regardless of job status. Just remember his school/work is no more important than yours is. Hours he's putting into his career are hours you're putting into the baby and home, which benefits him too.