Has anyone been a SAHM during the day while husband is at work and then gone to work in the evenings? How did it work out for you?

[barbaralee7]

@lesbian5eva I was home with the kids and worked PT then FT nights for 16 years. I was very fulfilled, but it took a toll on my marriage. Remember to maintain that.

 

[zerokdegree]

@lesbian5eva One thing I’d say is if you do this, do not call yourself a SAHM. You are a working mom. Even if your husband splits the physical and mental load the rest of the time, society will treat you differently and expect different effort and time from you if you say SAHM. There’s nothing wrong at all with being one, but you’re main job will not be the household.

 

[ivana626]

@lesbian5eva My mom was an overnight labor and delivery nurse and my dad was an engineer -office job 8-5. My mom would come home and zonk for a few hours. It worked well while we were young.

 

[william1224]

@lesbian5eva Personally have not done this but my friend is in a similar field and currently has this set up. Her husband works a more traditional 8-4 and then she takes telehealth clients 6-9 weeknights and all day Saturday. However, she swears the only way they make it work now is they have a part time nanny that works three days a week.

 

[dsal]

@lesbian5eva Realistically I think you should get a morning nanny or find an AM only daycare. Then you can handle lunch and nap time for baby and have family time/time off in the evening. This will be a pretty stable schedule from age 6 months - 3 years old. I would even prefer to work one full day (Saturday) than work every day for 3h after taking care of kid all day…

 

[infomommax]

@lesbian5eva It would be easier, in my opinion, to work 2-3 8 hour a days and hire help. Neither of you get a break until the weekend with this arrangement.

But it is a great option if it’s what you can afford.

 

[theoldline]

@lesbian5eva I am a waitress at night and it’s okay, but I think it’s only okay because I work 3x a week max, usually it’s 2. Having the flexibility is awesome, but the biggest downside is that my husband and I don’t see each other very much during the week, and that we are essentially single parenting until I’m home for the night (often it’s 11 PM or later). Our LO is only 7 weeks old, and I’m debating going back to a FT day job so we can see each other more, and I can make a little more. There are a lot of pros and cons to either schedule

 

[cfcfcf]

@lesbian5eva I do this currently. It works for us. He works 10 hours from 5-3 and is home by 4. Then i head off to work at 5 and come home a little after midnight. I WAS working 530- 2am. But the lack of sleep really almost did me in as it typically takes my brain 2 hours to wind down from work. I just asked to cut my hours back because i was working 6 days on this schedule to make full time and my eldest isn't at school for the summer.

She's been crying about missing me at night despite having me all day and has said 1 night a week together isn't enough. And it's HARD work. Yes you can get so much done when you're home in the daylight. Daily chores, weekly chores, grocery shopping, drs appointments etc. But you end up working 2 full time jobs and drain mentally faster.

 

[wildroses193]

@lesbian5eva I'm a nurse who works nights, and my husband works days in the office. The first year was a little rough, but once my son got older and slept more, it was very helpful. He now goes to preschool for half a day 4x a week, and I catch up on sleep then. This schedule has saved us so much money since we didn't need a daycare.

 

[ferherden]

@lesbian5eva I think you could do this 2x a week. But maybe you want to consider if you could get a sitter for 4-5 hours during an afternoon or something and schedule clients then.

 

[ryankim]

@lesbian5eva My husband and I occasionally will work out a similar agreement. I’ll get home from work at 10am give or take and then I take over being mom while he goes to work. Mind you, it usually means I had to get up at 1am my time, work a flight or two, and then to come home and care for our baby all day is a LOT. We do it because it’s not super frequent, maybe 2-4 x a month, but there’s no way I could do it regularly. I’d have to hire a nanny or utilize daycare. Sleep and rest are important, and I imagine you will get burned out fast doing that regularly. Heck I get burned out and I only do it occasionally lol.

 

[flowergrl]

@lesbian5eva You may want to consider getting a babysitter or nanny for at least a few hours a week during the day so you can have some time of your own. Yes, it's expensive but you cannot put a price on your sanity. Just something to consider.

 

[charles_darwin]

@lesbian5eva My husband and I tried something similar. I worked from home all day while he was a SAHD. At 5pm, I took our daughter and he worked from home until 2am.

We were able to sustain this for just over three months before it became unbearable. From our daughter's perspective, one parent was always behind a locked door. For us, it meant our relationship really only existed at lunch time and on the weekends.

Now he's a full time SAHD and I work. We're much happier. But I think this arrangement would've worked a bit better with an infant rather than a toddler. We had our baby during the pandemic so childcare wasn't really an option. We were able to both WFH with her until she was about 9ish months, but it wasn't easy.

 

[hennry369]

@lesbian5eva We do this. I work part-time a few days a week, 5-9pm and watch our toddler during the day. Partner gets home around 3:30pm and does afternoon activities, dinner, and bedtime. I personally love it. I get to spend lots of time with my toddler doing things in the morning - play dates, parent and me classes, library storytimes. My job isn’t too demanding so it’s nice going in and interacting with other adults, and on my evenings off we just enjoy some family time with all of us. We are expecting our second soon though, so this might all change. Not sure how my partner will handle doing two bedtimes solo, but we’re going to feel it out while I’m on my maternity leave.

 

[niddurahak]

@lesbian5eva So I currently do something similar only I work with east coast clients from 5-9 or 10 am PT and then work on client projects during nap time. Then my husband starts work at 9 (we're both wfh). We try to have a part time nanny for about 12 hours a week she comes 9-11 M-Th (we had a college student, then a woman who Nannie's for another family from 2:30-7 - we talked to a few women who were SAHM's with older kids who were interested in part time nanny hours) I'd recommend finding some type of part time sitter for at least a few hours a week for time to decompress or even to have a morning client or 2 - otherwise it can be a long day for you and your husband. A part time nanny/sitter is wayyy cheaper for us then daycare and as a bonus we have some date night sitters we really trust and our son loves. And we also pay for a house cleaner to remove that burden.

 

[greg231]

@lesbian5eva I’m in a similar situation. My husband has a fulltoem job and WFH but I’m a night doula and woke 2-4 nights a week 10pm-6am and have to sleep until 1-2pm the next day. I had considered only sending our kid to daycare in the mornings, dad picks up and bring them home and then I watch them until he’s off work at 5:30pm and then co-parenting but I’m worried he’s going to have a hard time at work in the morning see as he’s on night duty while I’m gone….

 

[ggmack]

@lesbian5eva It doesn’t work if you see yourself as a SAHM, if you’re both working then you both have to split the childcare and household chores fairly. My bf works 4am till 3 and then I work 5 till 12/1 am, but if I had to do everything around the house I wouldn’t be able to handle it all. It’s definitely doable though, we both work full time and contribute 100% of our time off to the house and kids, we’re tired but I think no matter what as a parent you always will be. It’ll definitely be hard with a baby, I took a full year off for maternity so the kids sleep through the night but itll get easier over time

 

[robertson]

@lesbian5eva Ymmv but I’m also a therapist and I have a 6 week old. I cannot imagine taking care of a baby all day and then doing the emotional work of caring for clients right afterward. I’m so emotionally drained at the end of a day by myself with baby.

Also, I cannot imagine seeing clients from a home office with my baby home at the same time, even if you make food use of the mute button. Many babies have a witching hour around the time you’re thinking of seeing clients. I would not be able to provide my clients the care they deserve when I’m hearing my baby crying downstairs.

 

[bettylicious07]

@lesbian5eva Personally I loved it. My husband works overnights, so I was responsible for 100% of the overnight care, as I was the only one home. We also had our mornings together as a family. And I got to leave in the evenings. I did my schedule a little differently, would work 4-830 4 days/week. It only started to suck when my kiddo went to full time school, then I pushed back my start time & picked them up from school, and immediately went to work. I felt like I was missing out on everything.

Now I work a full time during the day & I’m not a fan. I don’t dislike my job, but I dislike being away so much. I def had a better schedule with my other job, it just wasn’t financially sustainable (given the current cost of living)

 

[annie9824]

@lesbian5eva If your baby isn't a good sleeper, this is going to be a recipe for disaster. Your marriage and mental health will suffer.