@hew0007 You’re asking the SAHP Reddit rather than the working moms Reddit so that’s going to affect the answers you get. I’m a tenure track professor now and I absolutely love it and I am so glad I took the chance I got to pursue it. It is also at least somewhat flexible in that I control my own time on the days that I don’t teach, so it can be a family friendly career from that standpoint. I work a lot but I also make dinner for my family every night and can take my daughter to the doctor at 2pm on a random Wednesday as needed. I’d say try it first and then re-evaluate in a year or two if you are enjoying it.
For those of you who had options, what made you pick the SAHP life?
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@logmantm Agreed, I wanted to hear from this group specifically! All of my close friends are working parents by choice, and have no interest in staying home. Me and my husband both had SAHP growing up, and they were able to have great careers but it was a different time. I am in a NTT position now at an R1, and I do like the work and the flexibility; I just know expectations will change when I'm TT. Thanks for sharing your experience, it sounds like you have a great schedule with your job and your family.
@hew0007 For me it was just an absolute conviction that I could not leave them. But since then I’ve been convinced that they will have lifelong mental/emotional health benefits from the very secure attachment we formed in their first few years. And even now I would hate to be counting the days they’re sick, worrying about taking time off, instead of just taking care of them. I left a lot of money on the table, but you only live once and we have enough. I know people want to work for more than just money, but I personally also get a lot of intellectual stimulation from raising them - watching and encouraging child development is absolutely fascinating to me. I’m always a little puzzled by those who find it stultifying - there’s some drudgery here and there but that’s true of most jobs, including the prestigious ones 
@hew0007 Big picture: I think what I do at home is valuable. Anyone can do my washing and cooking etc etc. But no one can teach our children the values of our family. Impart wisdom for how life works. Teach and mould them. We always planned that I would stay at home. We want to spend as much time with them as possible
Small picture: I saw the studies into daycare. When they’re at home they can nap well. Eat well. Be as busy or not busy as we like. They can be bored, spend time with their siblings, live life alongside each other. I think kids are over scheduled and I’m convinced it leads to anxiety. I have the chance to rest during the day
It’s hard. But a career didn’t seem that important in the grand scheme of things.
Small picture: I saw the studies into daycare. When they’re at home they can nap well. Eat well. Be as busy or not busy as we like. They can be bored, spend time with their siblings, live life alongside each other. I think kids are over scheduled and I’m convinced it leads to anxiety. I have the chance to rest during the day
It’s hard. But a career didn’t seem that important in the grand scheme of things.
johnjohnson55
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cristina49
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@hew0007 I fall in all the camps in some way. SAHP/WFH etc.
After being on both SAHP and working moms subreddits I really think the best option is part-time (and wfh if possible) if you can afford it.
It gives you the extra time to keep the family running while still not sacrificing your financial future and let’s face it, adult interaction.
After being on both SAHP and working moms subreddits I really think the best option is part-time (and wfh if possible) if you can afford it.
It gives you the extra time to keep the family running while still not sacrificing your financial future and let’s face it, adult interaction.
@cristina49 I wish there were more part time options out there. I understand logistically why employers don’t but I bet a lot of people would take advantage of it if they did.
cristina49
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@hew0007 It’s really tough, I think a lot of us were told to reach for the stars without being practical about how time consuming/tiring little kids are and to reach for the stars. It was seen as bad for only wanting to be with your kids now a lot of us that’s all we really want.
I won’t lie, tenure sounds pretty sweet from a security and retirement standpoint. Maybe that can be the determining factor, give it 6 months and see how your career progresses?
I work in a volatile industry so it really doesn’t matter if I’m part time, freelance, whatever.
I won’t lie, tenure sounds pretty sweet from a security and retirement standpoint. Maybe that can be the determining factor, give it 6 months and see how your career progresses?
I work in a volatile industry so it really doesn’t matter if I’m part time, freelance, whatever.
@hew0007 I loved my job and was there for 8 years, but I was a working parent til my daughter was 7. We didn’t have a second right away because of how hard it was. My husband worked long hours and everything fell on me, she would be in bed before he was home. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sustain 2 kids and working. I’ve been a SAHM for two years with my son, and although it’s harder than I thought I’m glad I have had this opportunity.
cconversation
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gladysrivera
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@cconversation Eh, that is a very hard and stressful path and would likely pay way less than daycare costs. Usually you only make a few thousand per course and there is no job security.
@gladysrivera Yeah, unfortunately adjuncts get a horrible deal. It's not a career, but I would consider doing it for fun.
@hew0007 It wasn't a tough decision for me lol. I was planning on going back to work after 12 weeks. My postpartum mama heart couldn't bear it though. I told my husband maybe 4 weeks postpartum that I didn't want to send her to daycare, that I just couldn't, and his response was (shockingly) "then don't." And that was that. I never thought I'd be a stay at home mom, it was never my plan and all the women in my family were working mamas. But it was a very very easy decision to make. Hardcore gut feeling and I would have been in pain every day being away from my baby. Very glad I followed that gut feeling.
beauty1993
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@beauty1993 I started to see the socialization benefits around age 2.5, but if your child sees other children I would never say no daycare is a disservice. From my friends with older kids, kindergarten is much more demanding than it was 20 years ago so I do think preschool is beneficial in preparing kids for a classroom environment. Kids who don't go to preschool seem to have a really hard time transitioning, especially when it's full-day school.
theinvisibleman30
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@theinvisibleman30 I was only a stay at home parent for a short time, so I don't really feel qualified to answer, but this was it for me. I'd been grinding 12+ hours days at my job for years, then they just one day said "That's enough, thanks!" and I realized that my career was just something I did so I could pay the bills, not a source of lifelong fulfillment.
@hew0007 I had a good career and supported my husband and I while he went to med school. I could have kept going up the ladder in my career but I wasn’t passionate about it. My husband makes more money than I would or could, he likes what he does and his schedule is unpredictable so our lives are much easier with me staying home. It would take a lot for me to deal with the stress we would have if I worked as well.
@hew0007 I have a doctorate but am not an academic. I was completing a post doc when my first was born and moved to part time as soon as i could. I then moved to primarily SAHM when my second was born. I still put in some hours here and there. But, my main reason is that i wanted to be with my kids. I missed them when i was away from them and did not want someone else taking care of my baby. It was brutal leaving my infant in care so i could go work and i didn't want to repeat that.
I also was having a hard time finding balance with my husband (that's just now improving after 2.5 years at home and two couples therapists) and couldn't do it all.
I think part time will be a good balance while my second goes to 5 day preschool and then I'm not sure if I'll go full time once they're in school. I think I'd rather pick them up at 3:30 than do aftercare.
I also was having a hard time finding balance with my husband (that's just now improving after 2.5 years at home and two couples therapists) and couldn't do it all.
I think part time will be a good balance while my second goes to 5 day preschool and then I'm not sure if I'll go full time once they're in school. I think I'd rather pick them up at 3:30 than do aftercare.
@skitnik Thanks for sharing your experience, I can sympathize. My husbands job is very demanding, the bulk of child and home care falls on me regardless of whether I work or not. It makes it very hard, the SAHP life would also be exhausting but in a different way. My town has relatively low-cost half day preschool for age 3+ so I would probably do that for the kids; right now they are full day and the cost eats up most of my salary I hate it.