For the first time, I told someone I was OAD and they understood

[mayu001]

I (25f) have a 7 month old son and I’m OAD for various reasons, one being due to my baby’s special needs. Well, yesterday he was at the doctor’s to get blood drawn and 2 nurses asked me the usual “how old is he? is he your first?” Etc. When they got to the “Will you have more?” question, I answered with my “No, he’ll be my only one because of x, y, z”. Honestly, I was expecting to be met with “Oh well you’ll change your mind & blah blah blah” but instead I was met with understanding nods and one nurse even kind of congratulated me for making the active decision to be sure my son gets the proper attention he needs from me growing up. It felt so nice to not have someone try to change my mind about a very personal decision and I wish all of my interactions about my OAD choice were like this.

 

[copenator]

@mayu001 My son is almost three and has special needs. I had a rough pregnancy so I didn't want another one anyway, but having my son health problems solidified that decision for me. It wouldn't be fair to my son, to me, or to another baby that I wouldn't have time for because I give so much already to my son because that's what he needs.

Anyway just wanted to let you know there are more like you out there. And I'm glad you got a good reaction. Ignore the people who try to tell you about your own life and choices.

 

[harttysoul]

@mayu001 I had my first mom say “ Good for you!” When I said I was OAD. Felt good.

 

[jamesharvey39571]

@mayu001 There needs to be more of this happening, I'm so glad for you.

Now rant incoming: I don't feel I could have two or three kids but when people tell me they are pregnant with their second or third, I don't comment on the negatives of having multiples, I say "congratulations, how are you feeling?".

I don't understand why it's socially accepted for people to publicly or openly comment on people's family size. We can have different opinions on a lot of things and still bite our tongue and support someone.

 

[ckltrilove]

@jamesharvey39571 Oh yes exactly I never thought of this! Imagine if we said "oh won't your first feel stressed or upset having to compete for your attention?" or "Are you sure? Do you have enough finances?"

 

[hopeandgrace]

@mayu001 Honestly the fact they even asked IF you'll have more, instead of when you have more, is excellent. I'm so sick of the 'Just wait till your second!' Like, no thanks. No.

 

[mariemarie89]

@mayu001 This is so encouraging to hear, and thanks for sharing. I’m OAD due to pregnancy and delivery complications (and a variety of other reasons!). But my child also ended up being diagnosed with autism. And I truly could not manage another child based on the needs of this one. I love my child and wouldn’t change a thing, but it makes me more confident and grateful about my OAD decision, no matter what others say.

You’re doing great! Thank you for sharing, and there are others like you out here! I’m glad the nurses were so validating and encouraging.