Fear withholding pregnancy

[scottcutarug]

If this is not the right place for this post, please tell me. If it is ok, I hope you can listen with an open heart and understanding/judgement.(I do feel embarrassed talking about some of these things.)

I(34 y/o 255lbs) have always wanted a child. I have been with my amazing partner for three years and we would eventually like to start trying to get pregnant. I suffer with severe anxiety, OCD, and depression. I have struggled with my weight and self image my entire life. I was pregnant before at the age of 24, but I terminated that pregnancy.

With all that being said for the last few months, I have had this feeling of overwhelming dread and immense fear in regard to trying to get pregnant. My mental health takes different forms and focuses on different subjects and this time around, it just so happens to be pregnancy/labor and death because of my weight. I have been trying to lose weight for the past year and have not succeeded. I tell myself that once I lose some weight, I will be in a healthier place and be able to safely go through pregnancy and labor.

I have convinced myself that I will die during labor.

I seen my gynecologist, I had an appointment with maternal fetal medicine, which was wonderful. Yet I still find myself in this place of complete fear.

I read all of your stories and admire your journeys and hope for myself that I will get to a point of more positivity. I am getting older and I fear that I will allow my fear of labor/death to stop me from doing the one thing I’ve always desired, being a mother.

I am writing this to get this off my chest and I feel no one understands me fully when I explain it and also to hear some inspiring stories or advice.

Thank you in advance ladies

 

[ronyrex]

@scottcutarug i know people say this all the time. but seriously. seek therapy. it is COMMON to have this fear. i was TERRIFIED of pregnancy and it felt debilitating at times. now that im pregnant i still have moments where i think “omg what if something happens to me” but therapy has really helped me understand the reality of risks and how to trust my doctors. i TRULY hope you find a way to overcome this daunting obstacle and can live your dream of being a mom

 

[scottcutarug]

@ronyrex I am currently in therapy and I do need to take the initiative to address this more often. Thank you for your kind words and Congrats on your pregnancy!

 

[ronyrex]

@scottcutarug it’s a rough road. but i know you can get through it

 

[scottcutarug]

@ronyrex Thank you so much, it really does mean a lot to me

 

[ronyrex]

@scottcutarug anytime!

 

[crossdrivenwriter]

@scottcutarug Hi, I’m not sure what kind of modalities your therapist practises but I would specifically recommend body based therapies - a combination of somatic therapy, IFS (internal family systems) and EMDR. As someone in therapy and a current psychotherapy student, with generalized anxiety disorder that at times tends to spiral and complex ptsd, these therapies are generally way more helpful than regular CBT.

 

[mommybiker]

@scottcutarug Honestly, I was terrified. I’m 34, plus size and while I’m relatively confident otherwise, I’ve always believed that I was sick or unhealthy (generally) because of my weight. I struggle with anxiety and while I logically know all the facts about weight and pregnancy, it didn’t make me FEEL any better. I talked to my therapist about it, discovered that this is a common but often unspoken fear, and I’m 27 weeks pregnant today. So far, everything has been relatively happy and healthy for both of us. Fear sometimes takes over and I can’t help but worry about what’s going to happen next or if something is “normal” or not, but I think all first time moms have that in common.

Seeing women with bodies and experiences similar to yours might also be helpful (I know it helped me a lot)… for instance, I followed PlusSizeBirth on Instagram and seeing how many women with bodies like mine have happy healthy pregnancies has helped shift my perspective. Are you the thinnest patient your OB has ever seen? No- but you’re certainly not the biggest or the most unhealthy either. Talk to your therapist and, as long as you good positive feedback from MFM, go for it. You can do this.

 

[johanaanderso]

@scottcutarug I felt the same way before I had my first child at 35 (now am working on baby 2). Absolutely terrified I would die because I was older and overweight. I had some smaller complications (gestational diabetes which was easily controlled by diet) but my doctors were monitoring me closely because of my age and were with me every step of the way. I'd say talk to your doctor, but if you're in your mid 30s and know for sure you want kids, don't wait too much longer.

 

[scottcutarug]

@johanaanderso Thank you, I wish you all the luck on baby # 2!

 

[dm1057]

@scottcutarug The fear is natural--it's a big change!--, and as larger women we hear so much fear-mongering about our bodies. But you can do it! There are a couple increased risks, but those risks aren't life-threatening and are minor overall (there's also some benefits to being larger!). The majority of plus-size women will not have complications.

I'm your age and slightly heavier than you, and I just gave birth a week ago. Pregnancy was entirely uneventful and I enjoyed it for the most part. Labor went so quick I was pushing before I even realized I was in active labor. Both I and the little dude came through perfectly healthy. Honestly, even the day after labor I felt great!

 

[newhopeperu]

@scottcutarug Age is a bigger factor than weight in my opinion. Your age determines the quality of your eggs and If you’re already in therapy then go for it. Try during every ovulation period and see how it goes. There’s no guarantee that the first time will get through. Work on your weight on the side but do not delay your pregnancy because of your weight. Best of luck!

 

[iamnewinchrist]

@scottcutarug I'm definitely bigger than I wanted to be while pregnant, and older too lol (33, 5'1 and 210 lbs when I got pregnant) I was nervous about gaining weight but really haven't gained much at all so far (I'm 19 weeks now). I have also struggled with depression and anxiety for yearssss, and I was worried it would get worse but honestly, I'm not sure why, but I feel SO MUCH BETTER now that I'm pregnant... I do have anxiety here and there but not terrible but my depression has gone away pretty much completely, I'm really grateful, and even being overweight, my symptoms have not been bad at all, fatigue in the 1st tri has gotten so much better and I haven't had much nausea or morning sickness at all... I know my weight isn't ideal, but I try to think that it's just extra cushion keeping baby girl cozy in there lol. Just all to say that it might actually not be so bad, there is hope for you! Also plenty of people who are much bigger that have healthy pregnancies and who are great moms to their little ones! Wishing you all the best and sending good vibes your way!