@mogulmama Good! Vincent is a lovely name, btw.
Father in Law wants to change baby’s name so badly
- Thread starter mogulmama
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- in-law post parenting
solomonkane
New member
@jenniferscott lol just start calling grandpa a different name and when he asks why just say bc you don't like his given name so you're going to call him papooli or Bert that's grandpa shubedoowah, or that's grandpapappy from now on and teach your kid that's grandpas name.
jellobiafra
New member
@mogulmama start calling your father in law Jessica. or Cletus.
@jellobiafra my example to my husband last night to demonstrate it being rude was someone else doing the same to fil, so fil will introduce himself as his own name and the person ignoring him and calling him Richard, not his name but the short version of this name is fitting 
billybillyblue
New member
@mogulmama If you really want to drive the point home, how would hubby feel if you said “If you keep letting your father treat me this way, I’ll love you less.” Feels pretty shitty, right? Downright manipulative? Definitely not ok?
Why is this crotchety ass wound getting a pass to act like that?
Why is this crotchety ass wound getting a pass to act like that?
@billybillyblue THIS
mommybynoah
New member
@mogulmama I’m 38 weeks and a couple months ago I was on vacation with my Dad and his side of the family. My asshole uncle asked me one of his asshole baited questions about a very personal parenting philosophy in front of everyone (hint, it was around gender non-conformity). I answered thoughtfully and my dad piped in and said “no, that’s not acceptable, this is how you’re going to do it”. And let me TELL you, that entire family learned right then and there that this is MY baby, NOT theirs, they had their time to parent and I would not be entertaining any other disparaging and entitled opinions. I attribute it to my pregnancy rage and thank god. Not a damn word was said to me again about it or about any other stupid questions around parenting choices I might be making. The tone has been set and Dad has been very pleasant and supportive of everything since. Sometimes letting people know they’ve crossed a mama bear line is THE way.
P.S. The name Vincent is absolutely lovely and your FIL is not only delusional but completely out of line.
P.S. The name Vincent is absolutely lovely and your FIL is not only delusional but completely out of line.
@mommybynoah I have a list of boundaries typed out and one of the bullet points is absolutely zero unsolicited parenting advice. everyone has a different take on parenting and I dont want their advice. they had their chance and now its my turn to raise my baby the way i want to. they’ve already told me to put cereal in the baby’s bottle cause they did it for my husband and im not okay with that.
fil demands to be on the school pick up list so he can pick him up whenever he wants and im not okay with that either.
a big fear of mine is when i do give birth and boundaries wont be respected. one of which being “do not expect to hold the baby” because it’ll be peak flu season and i dont wanna share my baby. also with fil going out of the country, definitely dont want him holding my baby.
fil has already disrespected my boundaries in the past, definitely not going to let it happen with my baby
fil demands to be on the school pick up list so he can pick him up whenever he wants and im not okay with that either.
a big fear of mine is when i do give birth and boundaries wont be respected. one of which being “do not expect to hold the baby” because it’ll be peak flu season and i dont wanna share my baby. also with fil going out of the country, definitely dont want him holding my baby.
fil has already disrespected my boundaries in the past, definitely not going to let it happen with my baby
cloe33fbcdavis
New member
@mogulmama Boundary needs to come from your husband and be direct. If he breaks the boundary there is repercussions
mommybynoah
New member
@mogulmama Good for you for sitting down and really thinking through your boundaries. Your FIL sounds like a bully who hasn’t heard or internalized the word “no” in his life. Firstly I would practice your new mama bear ferocity on your husband, since he obviously needs to learn how to stand up for his wife. Put the fear of god into those men and let them both know they didn’t bring no pushover into the family. We stand behind you 
@mogulmama Respectfully, a boundary is not a rule you make for another person to follow.
A boundary is your reaction to another persons transgression against you.
You ask visitors to not hold baby during flu season. FIL goes to pick up baby. You block him and make him leave. You do not explain it further, you do not begin a screaming match, you make him leave or you leave. You hold your boundary.
You currently have no boundaries because you have not held them after multiple incidents of being disrespected. You have only taught them that they can do this to you and get away with out consequences.
A boundary is your reaction to another persons transgression against you.
You ask visitors to not hold baby during flu season. FIL goes to pick up baby. You block him and make him leave. You do not explain it further, you do not begin a screaming match, you make him leave or you leave. You hold your boundary.
You currently have no boundaries because you have not held them after multiple incidents of being disrespected. You have only taught them that they can do this to you and get away with out consequences.
@mogulmama I see this a lot on the support subs, and people really don't understand how boundaries work.
Giving out a NO list means absolutely nothing to these assholes.
They view it as a challenge. "No kissing baby? Just watch me! I do what I want!"
Boundaries without consequences mean NOTHING.
Boundaries are FOR YOU.
Boundaries say "If you do this - I will do that."
Then when they do it (because they're assholes), you have to follow through. You HAVE TO, because otherwise they realize that your words are empty threats and they can walk all over you, like they do to everyone else.
Very few people have the balls to follow through. Very few DH (Dumb Husbands) will back up their wives. They're still trapped in the "make Mommy happy, get Daddy's approval" mode of childhood.
Women are mostly raised to "be nice." It's very hard not to have a trauma response (Freeze, Fawn, Flight or Fight) when they invade your space. AND you'll be hopped on pregnancy hormones. . .
Instead, you have to remain calm and take action. Hang up the phone, cancel the visit. Pack up and leave with your baby, or show them the door and tell them their visit is over.
All while your mother in law is screaming at you and your own husband is telling you to "be reasonable!"
That's why people go No Contact. Because it's easier to never see them than it is to constantly remain vigilant and be hovering over your baby. Especially when you've just given birth and you're in a weakened state.
Giving out a NO list means absolutely nothing to these assholes.
They view it as a challenge. "No kissing baby? Just watch me! I do what I want!"
Boundaries without consequences mean NOTHING.
Boundaries are FOR YOU.
Boundaries say "If you do this - I will do that."
Then when they do it (because they're assholes), you have to follow through. You HAVE TO, because otherwise they realize that your words are empty threats and they can walk all over you, like they do to everyone else.
Very few people have the balls to follow through. Very few DH (Dumb Husbands) will back up their wives. They're still trapped in the "make Mommy happy, get Daddy's approval" mode of childhood.
Women are mostly raised to "be nice." It's very hard not to have a trauma response (Freeze, Fawn, Flight or Fight) when they invade your space. AND you'll be hopped on pregnancy hormones. . .
Instead, you have to remain calm and take action. Hang up the phone, cancel the visit. Pack up and leave with your baby, or show them the door and tell them their visit is over.
All while your mother in law is screaming at you and your own husband is telling you to "be reasonable!"
That's why people go No Contact. Because it's easier to never see them than it is to constantly remain vigilant and be hovering over your baby. Especially when you've just given birth and you're in a weakened state.
@mogulmama Seriously, do parents once they find out they're gonna be grandparents suddenly flip into psycho mode? Or is it just mine...
@music1 Im due mid december and I have a feeling this baby will come around thanksgiving and FIL doesn’t want that to happen at all cause he’ll be in another country.
like thats not up to me..
then he said maybe ill have the baby on his bday, the first week of november, and i said thats too early because the baby’s lungs wont be fully developed…his response was “oh since you cant have him on my bday, can you name him after me instead” like no, if anything he’ll have a better chance being born on my birthday considering my bday is 6 days after his, which again in my opinion is too soon.
like thats not up to me..
then he said maybe ill have the baby on his bday, the first week of november, and i said thats too early because the baby’s lungs wont be fully developed…his response was “oh since you cant have him on my bday, can you name him after me instead” like no, if anything he’ll have a better chance being born on my birthday considering my bday is 6 days after his, which again in my opinion is too soon.
@mogulmama You almost wonder if he just has a sick sense of humor like really bad dad jokes or something, sorry you have to deal with that. Love the name you picked BTW so cute.
@mogulmama Wow he sounds entitled af
@mogulmama What is the name?
creator123
New member
@mogulmama What?! Based on your post, I thought maybe the name would be long or unpronounceable or weird in any way. Vincent is a totally normal name. What is your FIL’s issue??
Even if the name you chose was ridiculous, it’s still up to you, btw! But like… Vincent?? People think they have the right to share an opinion on everything!
Even if the name you chose was ridiculous, it’s still up to you, btw! But like… Vincent?? People think they have the right to share an opinion on everything!