@startemple I could have written this post myself but we’re in bed together after her first cry which is usually her first sleep cycle 
Don't be discouraged by all the rosy posts on this sub
- Thread starter lesnock
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startemple
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@startemple Yes. You are doing a great job.
knowledgeisnotignorant
New member
@lesnock It's always good to have realistic expectations, so parents don't think that allowing your kid to cry for 2 hours at bedtime for 3 nights will magically lead to sleeping through the night forever and ever =) I thought that before and the reality is MUCH more complicated.
When you have reasonable expectations and have figured out an approach that works and is consistent, the outcome can really be quite marvelous. Definitely takes more than a few nights though. We were in the 2+ week group for sleep training and that was 1+ year ago. Not a day goes by where I don't put a decent amount of thoughts into my kiddo's sleep, and we still apply sleep training methods all the time.
When you have reasonable expectations and have figured out an approach that works and is consistent, the outcome can really be quite marvelous. Definitely takes more than a few nights though. We were in the 2+ week group for sleep training and that was 1+ year ago. Not a day goes by where I don't put a decent amount of thoughts into my kiddo's sleep, and we still apply sleep training methods all the time.
ragamullin
New member
@lesnock My wife and I are struggling when to actually pick her up to feed her at night when she wakes up.
We're about 10 days in to sleep training using the ferber method. The first week was amazing. No real night wakings. Now all the sudden for the past 3 nights she's woke up for atleast an hour right in the middle of the night.
First time it happened I thought she might be hungry or cold because we used thinner jammies that night so I went in after 45 minutes of her crying/whining and dressed her warmer, gave her a bottle and she was out the rest of the night.
Last night she cried/whined for an hour but finally went back to sleep. But my wife and I contemplated hard getting her up and feeding her. But we don't want to make that a routine.
Any suggestions?
We're about 10 days in to sleep training using the ferber method. The first week was amazing. No real night wakings. Now all the sudden for the past 3 nights she's woke up for atleast an hour right in the middle of the night.
First time it happened I thought she might be hungry or cold because we used thinner jammies that night so I went in after 45 minutes of her crying/whining and dressed her warmer, gave her a bottle and she was out the rest of the night.
Last night she cried/whined for an hour but finally went back to sleep. But my wife and I contemplated hard getting her up and feeding her. But we don't want to make that a routine.
Any suggestions?
@ragamullin I’ve been through this too, still am. We sleep trained and many nights in a row he did the hour long cry so I just brought one feed back. I don’t mind getting up once (the 10+ I was doing wasn’t on) but now he goes to bed at 7 and if he wakes before 2 he has to put himself back to sleep, after that I’ll feed. 2am because that seemed to be the trend with exceptions for teething/illness.
We’re 8/9 weeks into sleep training and that 2am feed has become around 5am and I’m hoping it’ll keep moving later to his 6:30am wake time. So I’m letting him naturally move it himself.
Initially we did Ferber but the checkins didn’t work so just did CIO. Took us the full 14 days to really get into a rhythm and he’s a “power down” baby so still cries about 5-15 each night.
Check out the 5/3/3 rule from Precious Little Sleep too. Is a great guide if you don’t know where to start.
We’re 8/9 weeks into sleep training and that 2am feed has become around 5am and I’m hoping it’ll keep moving later to his 6:30am wake time. So I’m letting him naturally move it himself.
Initially we did Ferber but the checkins didn’t work so just did CIO. Took us the full 14 days to really get into a rhythm and he’s a “power down” baby so still cries about 5-15 each night.
Check out the 5/3/3 rule from Precious Little Sleep too. Is a great guide if you don’t know where to start.
@ragamullin These are the toughest kinds of situations and they usually leave me like a deer in the headlights. It's easy to second guess yourself, no matter what decision you make. I think whatever you decide is ok. That's not very helpful, I know.
Most sleep training books would say: the goal is no feeding during the night. But it's not reasonable for the baby, and it's not reasonable for the parents, to just quit that cold turkey. So it's permitted, but you should try to do a bit less each night. If she takes 3 ounces, give her 2.5 after a couple nights, then 2 after a couple more and so on until she's at 0, at which point she will likely not wake to feed. If you're breastfeeding treat it in terms of seconds: 30 seconds less every other night until you reach 0.
If, on the other hand, you decide that what success looks like to you is no prolonged crying at bed and still feeding during the night, then just aim for that. Just because night feedings continue doesn't mean she isn't sleep trained.
Most sleep training books would say: the goal is no feeding during the night. But it's not reasonable for the baby, and it's not reasonable for the parents, to just quit that cold turkey. So it's permitted, but you should try to do a bit less each night. If she takes 3 ounces, give her 2.5 after a couple nights, then 2 after a couple more and so on until she's at 0, at which point she will likely not wake to feed. If you're breastfeeding treat it in terms of seconds: 30 seconds less every other night until you reach 0.
If, on the other hand, you decide that what success looks like to you is no prolonged crying at bed and still feeding during the night, then just aim for that. Just because night feedings continue doesn't mean she isn't sleep trained.
@lesnock I feel it's hard to gauge online because I think once parents succeed, they tend to not post as much? I feel like we see a bias towards negative because most people are more likely to scroll the vaults of reddit when things are going wrong, when they're looking for answers, etc.
It feels like it's much more in the minority that people will come back, do the good work and post their positive experience.
Anyway, all this to say, I agree don't feel discouraged! Our results also landed somewhere in the middle. We tried out "very gentle" approaches to start. It seemed to only make our little man even more angry. It's like he knew we were there and understood we were purposefully not giving him what he wanted. After two weeks of that, we finally decided to do full extinction. Took 3 nights total. The longest bout of crying was 20 min. So, we were lucky in that regard.
He's great now. Goes down to sleep no problem. Will even gesture for his sleep sack sometimes to let us know he wants to sleep. Our current issue now is early wakes! He used to sleep til about 6:30/645am, but would hang out in his crib, quietly babbling, until his dwt at 7am. But ever since he turned 13 months, it's been waking up at 5:45am on the dot! He will still hang out, but we can't quite make it to 7am anymore. It's....hard on us. So if anyone has tips for that, would be so so appreciated!!
It feels like it's much more in the minority that people will come back, do the good work and post their positive experience.
Anyway, all this to say, I agree don't feel discouraged! Our results also landed somewhere in the middle. We tried out "very gentle" approaches to start. It seemed to only make our little man even more angry. It's like he knew we were there and understood we were purposefully not giving him what he wanted. After two weeks of that, we finally decided to do full extinction. Took 3 nights total. The longest bout of crying was 20 min. So, we were lucky in that regard.
He's great now. Goes down to sleep no problem. Will even gesture for his sleep sack sometimes to let us know he wants to sleep. Our current issue now is early wakes! He used to sleep til about 6:30/645am, but would hang out in his crib, quietly babbling, until his dwt at 7am. But ever since he turned 13 months, it's been waking up at 5:45am on the dot! He will still hang out, but we can't quite make it to 7am anymore. It's....hard on us. So if anyone has tips for that, would be so so appreciated!!
seekinganswersinlife
New member
@lesnock Where are these posts that you describe in the first paragraph? I just scrolled the last 50 posts and what I see is “in hell” “im dying” “hopeless” “I’m so lost”…. We get maybe 1 “This actually worked for us!” post every month or so, but I’m not seeing a huge amount of posts with an overly simplistic boastful narrative like you’ve suggested.
@seekinganswersinlife I think people stop posting once they find success. That’s our situation - we did CIO this past weekend with our 4 month old, last night was night 4 and he put himself to sleep and slept 12 hours with me going in at 2am for a night feeding. Our lives last week were completely different from what we are now experiencing. Baby is able to self soothe and knows that’s how to get himself to sleep fastest. Longest he’s cried for was 25 minutes the first night, each night went down.
archangellover
New member
@seekinganswersinlife I agree with this- I was so confused by the post. I have the opposite problem in that I read this sub too often and I’m left waiting for my babies sleep to go to absolute hell because the posts are all dire and leave me thinking it’s going to break soon,
freedomusa
New member
@seekinganswersinlife I’m my experience it’s more replies to posts than the posts themselves. I often see people advocating sleep training and talking about how fast it worked for them. As a parent on day 21 tonight, I agree with OP that it can be hard to read.
seekinganswersinlife
New member
@freedomusa I agree with you there. But OP said posts, and I just don’t see them.
lostconfused
New member
@seekinganswersinlife To be honest I am one of those people described in the first paragraph. My child took to sleep training amazingly. She does have problems here and there with early morning wakings so it's not all perfect all the time but otherwise she's been pretty good ever since.
I wanted to put up a post about my success, but I was afraid it would not be helpful to anyone.
I wanted to put up a post about my success, but I was afraid it would not be helpful to anyone.