@committhyway Love organicallymaddie and follow her on YouTube. Her content has been so helpful with becoming a new parent and feeling comfortable setting boundaries with my newborn. None of what you're feeling needs justified because it is YOUR child.
Don’t like “sharing” the baby
- Thread starter linley
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- newborns postpartum life
shadowthehedgehogxx
New member
@linley You’re struggling because it isn’t natural for a brand new baby to be passed around, they’re supposed to be against mom. It’s your instincts.
I get wanting to be nice and let them spend time with him but he’s 8 fucking weeks old. He isn’t going to remember this and it’s only serving to screw up his routine and cause you stress. I’m just going to say it; their excitement is understandable but he’s 8 fucking weeks old. Their behavior is selfish. It doesn’t do anyone any good except their personal feelings, it’s actually causing problems for you and baby.
You are allowed to say “no” and “I’m not comfortable with that” and not hand baby off.
When MIL tries to throw you out, “I actually don’t want to leave my newborn with others yet, I want to spend time with him”. And then just do it.
You’re going to have to get comfortable with people being mad at you and pulling the “but MY FEELINGS” card. Get used to being viewed as a bitch sometimes.
Your instincts are telling you not to let them walk over you and treat LO like a baby doll. Do what’s best for you and your child, they can figure out how to manage their feelings themselves.
That many people at 8 weeks is too much imo. It ideally needs to be 2 weeks AFTER first shots.
I get wanting to be nice and let them spend time with him but he’s 8 fucking weeks old. He isn’t going to remember this and it’s only serving to screw up his routine and cause you stress. I’m just going to say it; their excitement is understandable but he’s 8 fucking weeks old. Their behavior is selfish. It doesn’t do anyone any good except their personal feelings, it’s actually causing problems for you and baby.
You are allowed to say “no” and “I’m not comfortable with that” and not hand baby off.
When MIL tries to throw you out, “I actually don’t want to leave my newborn with others yet, I want to spend time with him”. And then just do it.
You’re going to have to get comfortable with people being mad at you and pulling the “but MY FEELINGS” card. Get used to being viewed as a bitch sometimes.
Your instincts are telling you not to let them walk over you and treat LO like a baby doll. Do what’s best for you and your child, they can figure out how to manage their feelings themselves.
That many people at 8 weeks is too much imo. It ideally needs to be 2 weeks AFTER first shots.
@linley This is normal. Set some boundaries with family. Even with my second I’m not very interested in letting others hold her. I had a friend do an overnight with her 11 week old and I just was dumbfounded. Over my dead body would that ever happen. But to each their own. You are a wonderful mother!!
jayhackett03
New member
@linley I feel the same way! Take your baby back and don’t feel bad for a second. Family can bond plenty without physically holding your little one. Babies are little people and I’ve never understood other people “having” to hold them. I’d just say I “need him back right now” and if they ask why just say because I do but that’s just the kind of person that I am lol
emerywealth
New member
apologetic85
New member
@emerywealth Same. My dad said that to me this weekend while facetiming my parents. I said “ok I’ll keep that in mind” but to myself I was thinking “but I don’t want to go anywhere without my baby (6week old!!)”
thezebralives
New member
@linley I feel this! Babe is 3 months old and I still feel this.
Whenever we go to my in-laws they just take everything over…. Rock her to sleep, change her diaper, I’m just there to feed, they want to burp her after. It’s like… I’d like to feel like the parent a tiny bit?! I’d like to mother my baby.
Also don’t you want to see your son be a dad?! It’s like a fight for the baby. SIL steals babe from MIL “MY TURN”. They’re all possessive of my LO and it’s driving me up the wall.
Whenever we go to my in-laws they just take everything over…. Rock her to sleep, change her diaper, I’m just there to feed, they want to burp her after. It’s like… I’d like to feel like the parent a tiny bit?! I’d like to mother my baby.
Also don’t you want to see your son be a dad?! It’s like a fight for the baby. SIL steals babe from MIL “MY TURN”. They’re all possessive of my LO and it’s driving me up the wall.
@thezebralives I don’t ask I just take my baby. I do try to hand my baby over for some snuggles but when I want my baby I take her. When it’s time to change her diaper I just take her and do it. I love taking care of her. My in laws will be watching her a couple days a week when I return to work and they’ll have plenty of time with her. But for now she is still mine and caring for her is my greatest joy.
thezebralives
New member
@oluyara I need to do this more often, and I wish I did when she was small. I was in such a fog and so passive. And just let them do it. Which looking back, I regret not standing my ground more newly fresh partum.
Like you said, she’s mine and if we want to feel like the parent we should be able to without question.
My in-laws have some idea that they’re “giving us a break” … I’ve never complained or asked for a break haha.
Same way they won’t be babysitting until absolutely needed … I like being a mom and soaking in this new era.
Thanks for your insight
Like you said, she’s mine and if we want to feel like the parent we should be able to without question.
My in-laws have some idea that they’re “giving us a break” … I’ve never complained or asked for a break haha.
Same way they won’t be babysitting until absolutely needed … I like being a mom and soaking in this new era.
Thanks for your insight
@linley This is totally normal. Personally, I am not someone who is shy of confrontation and so I really don't care what others think; if I want my baby, I'm getting her. I don't really care if they have traveled far or not, she's mine and I'm not letting her be uncomfortable. If she doesn't want to go to someone then she doesn't and if she starts crying then I take her back. One of my in laws even said when she held my daughter and she was crying," oh mommy thinks she gets you back just if you're crying." Uhh yeah, bitch lol mama does think that because that's what fucking happening.
@linley i’m in the exact same boat, FTM to an 8 week old as well. i try my best to be ok with this since i know everyone is excited, just as i would be, and im grateful that baby has all of this love rather than people judging or rejecting us because baby wasn’t born in wedlock or whatever. and i will say nearly everyone has been great with knowing to give my baby back the moment he starts crying, except my boyfriends mom! He will be obviously hungry, ready for a nap or just pooped, and she will take a while to give him back while i’m hovering and giving obvious body language that i want him back. she will also just kind of pick him up without asking me to hold him. it frustrates me so much, but i also don’t want to create any animosity whatsoever between us. i don’t even bother asking my boyfriend to say something to her for me, because she can be super controlling with him and will snap at him for any little thing. it’s so frustrating and makes me want to hold my baby hostage from her, which she doesn’t deserve because she’s a new grandma and is just excited. it’s such a fine line to walk, all while juggling being a new parent and the postpartum hormones. Just know you’re not alone, we’re in this together!
katrina2017
New member
@linley Yes but my relatives and friend only visit a few hours at a time so more bearable. And for friends I say that they can hold after all the vaccines(true).
My neighbour has offered to babysit and I have lots to get done and lots I want to do but I cant stand leaving LO with anyone except DH(and that took a while).
My neighbour has offered to babysit and I have lots to get done and lots I want to do but I cant stand leaving LO with anyone except DH(and that took a while).
@linley “I appreciate so much that you all are here. But I’ve realized that while I’m awake I really need more bonding time with my baby. When I need to sleep or shower I’ll let you know and that will be the best time to hang out with him and would really be the most helpful. I’m sure you understand because you’ve done this yourself!”
@linley I needed to hear someone else say this! I feel the exact same way. My baby is the same age and I have a hard time sharing her, but I do it for the same reasons. I do feel it’s getting a little better though and it’s getting easier to share her. I do spend a lot of time with her because I’m on maternity leave but I enjoy spending time with her and want to make the most of it while I can. Your feelings are valid!
@linley Yes! Right here my baby is already 5 months and i still struggle with this. I have anxiety and ptsd so i think it has a lot to with that + hormones. I still feel uncomfortable but honestly just will wear her most times in baby carriers if i really dont people there to hold her, or i will lie and say she needs to breastfeed since i breastfeed her. It does get easier with certain people whom you trust but never ever feel obligated to let someone hold your baby. If you feel uncomfortable with someone dont be afraid to say straight up no or make up an excuse. One thing i heard that really helped me feel more confident about saying no was “if you as their mother wont defend them who will”
definitely will be going back to therapy soon haha.@stas Anxiety dreams are the worst! I’m scared of going to therapy so I think you’re very brave for doing so!
I’ll get back to it next year, I just don’t want my neatly (currently) suppressed feelings resurfacing and getting in the way of bonding. I’ve done a few years worth but I definitely need get back to it haha
I’ll get back to it next year, I just don’t want my neatly (currently) suppressed feelings resurfacing and getting in the way of bonding. I’ve done a few years worth but I definitely need get back to it haha