Don’t like “sharing” the baby

[linley]

Anyone else struggle with allowing others to handle the baby? I’m a FTM of an 8 week old, and we brought him to my in-law’s this weekend for my husband’s family to meet him, and I’ve really struggled. I feel like I have to let everyone have their time with him, because they live 4 hours from us so they don’t ever get to see him, but I feel like I haven’t had any time with him the past 3 days and I’m having a really hard time. I haven’t had any time to just spend with him, i haven’t been able to hold him a whole lot, my mother in law kept telling us to go out and she would watch him, but i don’t WANT to go out and leave him. I’ve been feeling really down and in a bad mood the entire time, and i think it’s because i haven’t been about to have him to myself, and i don’t know if that makes me crazy??? Like i feel physically sick to my stomach because i just want to hold him, but right now my stepdaughter has him and for some reason i feel like i can’t just take him back, i feel obligated to let her keep him

 

[godownsme9780]

@linley This is normal! My in laws live far away and stayed with us three ish weeks after baby was born. I had a very very hard time watching people hold him and call him “their baby”. It gets easier eventually but the first little while is HARD.

I said some hurtful things due to these feelings when the hormones got the better of me. It’s a very vulnerable time and you’ve been through a lot.

If you can, maybe talk to your partner about how you’re feeling? Let him try and communicate to his family you just need some alone time with the baby?

 

[vee]

@godownsme9780 The “my baby” thing bothers me lol I don’t get why people say this…

 

[1guy2k12]

@vee My MIL said it for the first time last night about my 8mo old (first sleepover away from us). It was definitely weird, I think even she regretted it.

My MIL would be super annoying if she wasn’t so lazy. She will always give our baby back so I’m never too stressed. Before our baby I would have said she was annoying because she was lazy.
I’m so grateful for it now. I kind of hate sharing my baby and how everyone assumes I want to get rid of her for the night. First night away from her wasn’t exciting, we just got takeaway & put up curtains cause our baby hates the drill.

 

[vee]

@1guy2k12 Wow it took her 8 months! The sleepover must have brought out some feelings for her. My MIL said it once when baby was about a month old and hasn’t since so I hope she realized it was weird. I didn’t know what to say and just laughed and gave a confused look. I hate how people assume I want to get rid of my baby too! MIL offers/insists to babysit and let me spend some time to do what I want but I want to take care of my baby. I know she means well and wants to spend time with the baby but I’m not even ready for that yet

 

[1guy2k12]

@vee I think part of it may be a generational thing maybe? I know my MIL had her kids in her early 20s. I was 31 when I had my baby. I think at my age, having prepared mentally, as much as you can ever be prepared for a change anyway, for a baby, everything was a lot easier than I thought it would be. When I was 20 I think I probably would want and need some time myself, so MIL might be projecting her own experience.
I try to be as charitable as possible with her weirdness. So many MILs are awful, mine is just a bit odd haha. I’ll take it. If she tries to take my baby I just say “noo I’m okay thanks though!” And cuddle my baby and she’s slowly figured out I’ll hand her over when I’m ready.

I’m glad you get it. And that your MIL didn’t continue with the “My Baby”tm I wish they’d just do dishes instead but maybe I’m greedy

 

[vee]

@1guy2k12 That’s a good theory. My MIL had her kids in her 30s so it may not be the same for her but hopefully she just continues to not say it any more haha she’s great and we get along well but things like this have been bugging me with the baby. I feel like sometimes I’m greedy too but I don’t care, she’s my baby lol

 

[johnblessed]

@godownsme9780 My mom always asks me “how’s my baby?” I don’t really mind but I get confused sometimes, I’m like do you mean me? Or my baby? Just because I am her actual baby lol

 

[hokeith]

@linley Yes but only with my MIL idk why!

 

[christiancharacter]

@hokeith I feel this and tbh she’s the only one I could trust to care for him overnight so idk???

 

[hokeith]

@christiancharacter I only trust my mom like 0 anxiety about leaving the baby with her but for some reason my MIL makes me cringe when she’s with the baby… maybe cause the weird things she whispers when holding the baby lol plus her sight is not good so I get nervous when she’s walking w the baby

 

[joy13]

@hokeith My mil says so many weird things to the baby about the flavor of my milk and other weird stuff. Idk why she’s like that.

 

[hokeith]

@joy13 lol mine whispered once “I can’t wait to have secrets just you and me” like what ??

 

[joy13]

@hokeith Whyyyy are they so weird

 

[valentino184]

@joy13 Mine always talks about how creamy mine looks. Like, she’s said it multiple times. It gives me the ick so hard.

 

[christiancharacter]

@hokeith See those are good reasons tho. My MIL has had childcare experience but I think just cause of the in law aspect it bothers me lol. I can’t trust my parents. When he was crying for a few min they just wanted to give him back to me instead of trying to soothe

 

[dualwields]

@hokeith Same!

 

[joy13]

@linley This is completely normal and maternal instinct! Just insist that you want to hold your baby and set some boundaries with others. Don’t feel bad that they live far away. They’ll all have plenty of time with the kiddo after you two bond. Your baby was in you for 9 months it will take longer to feel like separate people!!!

Also o felt exactly the same and could’ve written this myself 10 weeks ago.

 

[sylivesteralmas]

@linley I have had to bite my tongue when my own mother called my baby, “my baby”. I know it’s coming from a good place but she is MY baby. I also found it very hard to see other family members hold her and see her uncomfortable or hear her cry; I immediately wanted to get her back. It’s better now and I know everyone loves her and I feel happy to see that she is loved by so many.

Edit to say that you will also start appreciating when others offer to hold your baby so you can get breaks to do things that make you feel like yourself.

 

[committhyway]

@linley

haven't had any time to just spend with him, i haven't been able to hold him a whole lot, my mother in law kept telling us to go out and she would watch him, but i don't WANT to go out and leave him.

I despise this! This “help” is not for you, it’s for her.

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