Don’t like “sharing” the baby

@linley I had rules when we took the baby to family events. 1) we do NOT play “pass the baby” my son was born during Covid but even if it wasn’t. I hate people treating babies like dolls
2) I don’t need a reason to take my baby back. I don’t care if you think he is comfy or sleeping or that you can soothe him. He is MY baby and you play by MY rules.
 
@linley Totally valid feeling. You could spend some more time with baby let your husband know how you are feeling. And you should not be obligated to have everyone hold him just because they live far away. Maybe everyone else can hold him for a total combined x number of hours, that you choose. Personally I struggle to let my in laws hold baby because they haven't been around him much. We live in the same town. My family on the other hand I'm more comfortable with them hold him while I get some chores done like washing his bottles or my pump parts or eat in peace. I just barely started letting my sil hold him. My MIL holds him too but I feel uncomfortable because she tends to cross our boundaries like kissing which I've already expressed to my husband that he needs to talk with her 😕 I got so sad when my husband was consistently holding baby more and then when I let him know he made sure that he allowed extra time for me and baby to just be together. Whether that was him doing chores or getting food while baby and me snuggled.
 
@linley It’s okay to take your baby back and say you want some time. And I think it’s normal to want to have time to hold your baby often. She’s your baby and of course you want to have regular time to be close. And just because they are in from out of town doesn’t mean you should ignore your own needs or your babies needs to please them. I read somewhere that anger and outbursts like this can indicate a need for boundary setting. As a parent you need to learn to set some boundaries with your family!

I don’t mind having some help with holding my baby but I get upset when she’s clearly upset and people don’t know how to calm her or meet her needs but they don’t give her back. I’ve had to step in even when I don’t feel comfortable doing so for the sake of my baby.
 
@linley I totally understand, i have a 3w old and i live with my in laws, and the momentos of the day/weeks that they actually get to hold him, i feel a little territorial 😂 as soon as he starts crying i jump in saying he's hungry, so all they say is that he eats to much.. I do that with everyone actually, except his dad.
 
@linley Yes oh my god. My family lives close and I would get jealous anytime someone else was holding her, even my partner! It’s better now. You just have to give it time and don’t feel the need to let other people hold your baby all the time. You birthed her, it’s your baby.
 
@linley The first few weeks of my baby’s life I would feel very anxious when any of my in laws were holding him. Like forcing a smile and holding myself back from snatching him. They weren’t really doing anything but I felt extremely protective. It’s gotten better but there are still some moments and comments that drive me up the wall.

My whole pregnancy my husband’s mom could always say “our baby” or “my baby”. Once, his grandma asked how we would all be sharing the baby. Since having him the “our” and “my” baby comments have gotten no better and even just recently I sent a couple pics of him to the in laws family chat and my mil and fil started arguing over which of the two of them he belonged to…
 
@linley This is so normal. I’m currently on the last day of a 4 day holiday with my husbands family and our 3 week old and the first night I had a meltdown over everyone holding him in particular my FIL who kept hovering and wanting to hold him 24/7. If I wasn’t feeding him I didn’t have him basically. It’s so normal
 
@linley I feel the exact same way and my baby will be 8 weeks old on Thursday. I refuse to go on date nights because I don’t want to leave her with anyone besides her dad or my parents. I legit do not trust anyone else to care for her and if I don’t have to leave her, I won’t. I think it’s totally normal.
 
@linley Yes! I’m 3 weeks pp and my mom and MIL are here with us. I love that they are here for me and LO but I miss him so much. Plus side to this is that, there is someone to cook and take care of the baby during the day so I get good sleep. I get to keep him with me during the night. I also spend time with him when I feed him and take 30 minutes extra to play and interact. I completely understand that feeling of missing him. But I am glad I get to rest and recover faster
 
@linley My in-laws are visiting soon (around the time we’ll have an 8 week old) & I am already feeling this anxiety. I let my husband know they’ll be sitting down holding the baby, no walking around & they can’t just walk in & demand to hold the baby. Also we’re doing no kissing the baby but MIL keeps saying she can’t wait to smell the baby… which means her mouth will be ENTIRELY too close to a newborn & I know we’re going to have to nip that really quick, and that it will make her mad
 
@linley I say I’m having baby withdrawals and take her for a few minutes even though I have her 24/7 so I would say it’s definitely normal and difficult! I feel you!!
 
@linley This is normal. I used to feel so uneasy when people other than my wife and mom held my first baby. I have found it to be easier with my second because it gives me time to spend with my first
 
@linley Yup!!! This was my first time going out in nearly 9 weeks since having him and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. We were only gone for 2 hours and I wanted to text my MIL for updates.
 
@linley This is so normal! Mine is 6 months and I’m just now starting to feel comfortable with other people holding or watching him. I’m pretty sure it’s just a parental instinct since our babies are so fragile and vulnerable when they’re little
 
@linley I'm only 26 weeks here but I'm already starting to mentally prepare myself for setting these boundaries with family and friends 🫣 Scariest part of becoming a parent 😅😬🥲

Especially fearing my MIL and partner's family in general. 100% they will think I'm a bitch for not letting them hold, kiss, or steal my baby until I'm ready 🙄🤷

Atm, I ideally plan on letting our parents hold the baby in the hospital, then very little close interaction until after shots. After that, completely depends on how we feel. I'll be baby wearing a lot to avoid them asking lol
 
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