Does this sound like a reasonable and or normal to you life of a stay at home mom to a 2.5 year old?

[mikumiku]

@xeonome So basically you work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with hardly ever a break while your husband gets to freely lounge around after work? Nah. He needs to pull his weight and he needs to help you with his child.

I feel like a lot of men (not all, the bad ones) try to say "oh well WE work all day and WE are making all the money so we need to relax. you sit at home all day". You are upkeeping the house and taking care of something that is 100% dependent on you. It is so mentally and physically demanding. Please talk to your husband and have him help more. It's not fair to you.

 

[jemoess]

@xeonome I’m sorry but this seems like some crap from the 50s or 60s. Just bc your husband works outside of the home doesn’t mean he can’t help around the house and with your kiddo

 

[jimbobby2021]

@xeonome I find it wild that you are child/house care 24/7 while your partner is on…never?

Is he a parent to this child? Bc the normal is that SAHP is like an office job - 40 hours a week that deserves its breaks and downtime. And you both had the child. So outside of those 40 hours a week, you split the care /house care 50/50. This means 2-3 mornings, evenings, nights and one alternating day on weekend, one of the parents is 100% on childcare, while the other is off - go leave the house, read a book, see friends, get a hobby or sleep in with noise-cancelling headphones. And then you switch.

And yes you adapt the schedule and day-to-day split based on other commitments, but overall you work to get that time off to yourself 50/50 so you get to recover and recharge.

So no, if your husband is actually that child’s parent…that set up does not sound reasonable at all.

 

[raleigh36girl]

@xeonome Besides your husband not helping out at all. Do you need to run the dishwasher twice a day?

 

[hedidit]

@xeonome You clean too much and too often. Take more time for yourself during those hours.

 

[iamthankful]

@xeonome Kinda sounds like a lot. I’m a sahm and my child is the same age as yours. I do all the household chores too, but I do all the laundry in 1-2 days so I don’t have to do it all week. At night I load the dishwasher and in the morning I empty it. I usually take my toddler out to the park, library etc every day from about 10-1. When my husband gets off work, I go to the gym or make dinner. My husband takes over with the child when he’s off work, so I’m free to do what I need to do from about 6:00 until I go to bed. I agree with the others that your partner should be helping more. It just sounds to me like you need rest.

 

[xeonome]

I have already burnt out twice. I had to be hospitalized for psychosis from exhaustion. 1st time was because I did all the bay raising and feedings bathings etc by myself because my husband needed to sleep for work. and 2nd time because I miscarried and my mother in law died all in the same week.

I would get help from family but I went 0 contact before marriage or starting a family because I am a munchausen by proxy survivor and did not feel safe having any of my family involved with our family. Because I was starved I am on disability because my pancreas doesn't work.

I'd say maybe once a month I break down and cry because I feel overwhelmed.

My husbsnd always says if I need help ask because he isn't a mind reader but if I ask my husband for help with anything he shouts and complains the whole time making the whole family suffer so it isn't worth it. My husband tells me if I made more than 34 dollars an hour which he makes then He would be the stay at home parent because that just makes sense.

 

[naturefanatic79]

@xeonome Being a stay at home parent is a full time job with no rest periods. Your husband is a piece of garbage.

 

[hordunhayor]

@xeonome I make $72 an hour and my husband still helps with baby and housework. We both have full time jobs. Your husband Is a piece of shit. What you are doing is not sustainable and you’re going to be hospitalized again. You need couples therapy or something if you plan on staying with this man.

 

[evanlooksuptothealmighty]

@xeonome Sounds like your husband is taking advantage of the fact that you are an abuse survivor and continuing the cycle. My dad did the same thing to my mom.

This is not healthy, and I think you know that otherwise you wouldn’t have made this post. You deserve better than to be treated as a glorified live in nanny/maid. Worse than that even, at least nannies and maids get time off.

 

[olivialiam]

@xeonome I would look for a woman’s shelter and think about an exit plan from this marriage.

 

[jason19812]

@xeonome Sorry to hear about your miscarriage and MIL. But wtf if you’ve been hospitalised from exhaustion before wouldn’t your husband help willingly without having to be asked? I’m sorry but your husband is a loser.

 

[skyykatt]

@xeonome I'm finding it hard to believe you're not just trolling. No one is this oblivious to lack of help or support from a partner. Also you seem to be putting on the dishwasher and laundry 3 plus times a day, this sounds excessive for a family of 3.

If this is genuine then I think you already know you're doing too much, you're just looking for people to tell you what you already know, so you can feel justified in everything being too much.

How much of the amount you do day to day an expectation from your husband V a self imposed routine to make you feel "enough"

I'm a sham, family of 3, yes I have routine, I'm actually pretty good at keeping my home in order and clean, plus everyone fed. No it's not easy, but I have support and genuine help from my husband on a daily basis, he does all breakfasts every day before going to work, and once his work day is over we are pretty 50/50 when it comes to care of the babe, I do do more house work and dinners, but he doesn't do none. I have time to read a book, chill out in the evenings etc.

 

[imlou]

@xeonome Oh my god…

 

[35jesuswept]

@xeonome Your husband needs to do more. Full stop. Why does he get to jerk around with hobbies and your brain is too fried to read? Not only are you on kid duty during the week, if he’s building a cottage on the weekends, you’re also doing all of the care then, too!

As for your days, nap time should be earlier and/or shorter so that bedtime can happen earlier. Mine is almost 3 and has dropped naps. She goes to bed at 8PM.

I think you also need to “sacrifice” some daily chores. I’m assuming in a small living space your appliances are small so I can see needing to do multiple times and every day, but also can your husband do them after dinner since you literally do everything? If I cook, he does dishes. We alternate who does bath vs. bedtime. Has your husband even bonded with your child? He sounds so uninvolved. Do you trust him to spend a day alone with the kid?

You should plan a day or night for yourself out of the house, even if that’s just sitting in a Starbucks with a book. Tell your husband and then go. Unless you left out that he is controlling, manipulative, or abusive in some form I don’t see a reason that he can’t give you this type of alone time at minimum once a week.

 

[taragreen001]

@xeonome Ya sounds like you are doing an amazing job at everything, and your going to burnout soon, your husband needs to help you at home

 

[linhlinh9988]

@xeonome Wtf no that’s way too much, my husband takes the baby in the morning and the evening when he gets home from work when I’m home with her all day

 

[drsimonjr]

@xeonome Your husband needs to be helping more throughout the week. When my husband gets home from his own full day of work, he either finishes chores/cooks or has 1-1 time with toddler so i can take care of things. Working together, by 8 pm kid is put to bed and we get to relax and enjoy our unwinding time

 

[tradesman]

@drsimonjr This looks similar to us except we’re lucky my partner wfh so he feeds the baby lunch I’ve prepared too. Neither of us are generally ‘resting’ between getting up and the baby going to bed but we try and make sure we’re getting a variation in what we’re doing