@nicholas29 For me, I do find it triggering in a couple ways. One, I find myself having like flashbacks to some pretty horrible experiences I lived through at their age. Just the thought of how old they are getting can bring these up and I think we probably all get a sort of “at your age I…” kind of feeling. It’s hard to ignore. I just try to make sure I don’t put that on them because they are not me and I can’t expect them to understand where I’m coming from as a child who went through a lot of traumas growing up.
I also find it so difficult not to invalid the things they are going through. In my head I’m thinking, man you have no idea how good you’ve got it. And they don’t, but I just hope one day they can look back and realize they did. This also is a factor in bringing back awful memories… it almost makes me think of the worst because I can’t help but search for comparisons.
However, being a teen is rough and I can’t begin to imagine the challenges they face in a technological society. I was there when it before and after it began, but I can’t even imagine how hard it must be to try to keep up appearances in person AND online.
The last thing is the absolute anxiety and pressure I feel to provide a great life. Average doesn’t feel good enough for my babies. And I was still a baby essentially when I started and I have been absolutely dead set on making things good for them the best I can. So naturally when my teens are unhappy, which I’m pretty sure all of them are at some point or another, some more than others, I can’t help but take it personal. I’ve worked so hard for you to have all the things that I never had kind of feeling. And I’m like terrified that they will look back one day and think god my parents suucked, kinda the way I do. I know it’s not the same and that hopefully won’t happen but it’s a pretty constant cause of anxiety for me.
Some days I’m angry at my parents for not being better, and other days I understand that every person if fighting a battle and they sure were fighting their own. Some days I understand why they were the way they were..
I’m not in therapy yet but I plan to sometime soon. For context I’m 35 and my kids are 16 and 14. My oldest is currently in therapy and is doing well with it.
