Does it ever get better?

[jaceelarue]

@littlemarlo I was still with my ex during the first year of my sons life, but his addiction took over our lives so most of that time felt like I was alone. I feel you with so much of what you said, and it does get easier. The no sleep is fucking real. I also don’t have any family that helps, and when I split up from my ex I moved back closer to my home town but there weren’t many people around to help like I thought.

There is a lot of wonderful advice on this thread already, so the only thing I want to add is (if you can) reach out to old friends or acquaintances who have kids, try and reconnect. There are other moms out there who need help too- maybe you could do a child care swap so you can get a little free time to catch up on sleep.

When I moved back to my hometown I started off staying with a friend, then rented an apartment and looked for roommates. I was so sure that no one would want to live with me and my one year old but I ended up getting two amazing roommates, we’re all women in our early 30’s and we have an awesome living situation. They are super understanding about my wild toddler and even help with childcare sometimes. I work full time and also go to grad school- I needed to build a village to make those things happen. It seems impossible but I promise, there are people out there who will help, you just need to start to ask (easier said than done, I know). My roommates all share the load of cooking and cleaning as well. It’s the only way I can survive right now with no family to help.

Also, “how we show up” by Mia birdsong is a book I was reading when I separated from my ex. It changed my life and gave me hope to build a new life. Good luck to you mama, I hope you get the help you need

 

[nak6]

@littlemarlo Breaks my heart. I feel for you. Things will get better if you have faith/hope. Take it day by day and do your best. You obviously are a good mother in my eyes for just reaching out and asking for help. Keep your head up. Things might seem hard but it’s a part of life’s journey. God bless

 

[purposefulllife]

@littlemarlo I was a single mom for over 26 years. My oldest is 26 now and my youngest is 18. 2 different fathers. I was arttracting narcissists, so needless to say i didnt want to be abused so i chose single mother hood. I also had zero family to help support us in anyway and i didnt want to bother my friends with mt daily crisis’. Yes it’s time consuming, financially draining, exhausting, lonely and so so rewarding. I also went to college twice and got 2 diplomas and worked the entire time while raising my girls. I just helped move my youngest into her first place last week. I am so proud of whom they have become.

You can do this. You are resourceful and intelligent. Us women are stronger than we think. Hugs.

 

[ohmygal]

@littlemarlo My first comment here, wish me luck...yes. It gets better. They sleep throughout the night. Then they grow up and start asking you for things. So, it gets better for sleep, but not for other things. I like to think children are a two person job. It takes two to make them, and two to raise them. So you will be overburdened because you don't have help. I wish you well, because kids are hard to raise but so rewarding. Sorry for the rant.

 

[wasumaad]

@littlemarlo I just want to say… you’re an amazing mother, you’re doing amazing, your kids won’t resent you, especially as they grow older and start to understand how much you really do. I was raised by a single mother in a similar situation as yours and I love and appreciate her so so much. Your baby is well taken care of and the fact that you’re concerned if she’s getting what she needs when you’re giving 110% tells me you’re a great mother with a lot of love. Hang in there.

Really truly the best thing you can do for them is to take the pressure off of yourself to “have it all together”. None of us do. It’s okay. Our babies still grow up to be healthy strong and happy.

 

[misschris2012]

@littlemarlo It will get better you just have to meet a man who supports you and does your job and his it will allow you free time to relax and recharge

 

[littlemarlo]

@misschris2012 I’m not dating, I don’t want to date and I don’t want any men around my daughter to be so honest.

 

[littlemarlo]

@misschris2012 Nor is it some guy’s responsibility to do mine and his job?

 

[misschris2012]

@littlemarlo There are some men who enjoy helping is all I'm saying it can help maybe

 

[littlemarlo]

@misschris2012 Like the cheetah girls said, “I don’t wanna be no Cinderella waiting in a dark cold dusty cellar waiting for somebody to come and set me free”

 

[britni91]

@littlemarlo No
Especially when they become teens, worse ever

 

[littlemarlo]

@britni91 Okay well you just sound like someone who shouldn’t have kids because you’ll just hate it no matter what.

 

[jamestvresearcher1985]

@littlemarlo Computer science is a good call, make sure to try and get practical experience before you finish it. Gives a huge advantage to have your mind in the practical application of it sooner than later.

 

[charlief90]

@littlemarlo I’m not sure how it gets easier for a lot of you. I think it gets harder as they get older. They do sports, they have social lives, they go to school. The kids get far busier and then you have even less time. I work full time and I get home every night after 10 because I’m sitting waiting for someone to get out of practice or a game. Then they want to hang out with their friends and you have to drive them around for that. Then they have homework, conferences, extracurricular things, etc.. It only got harder for me when they got older. Prior to them going to school was way easier

 

[littlemarlo]

@charlief90 I look forward to all of that though, I can’t wait for them to go to school and sports and go sit at practices with them or take them to their friends. There’s time within all of that that I don’t get right now. I can barely even work because I don’t trust daycares so once she’s in school, it’ll be easier for me to have even an hour to myself or to work, or shower, or nap, etc. extracurriculars are something I can’t wait to do and pay for for her, I wanna see what she’s interested in and I’d love to be the mom cheering for her in the stands. Everything you don’t seem to like doing or think is harder is actually the stuff I can’t wait to do.

 

[chrispharmd]

@littlemarlo Hi I am in the exact same position. Kinesiology major instead of computer science. Message me if you want a friend.

 

[lura60]

@littlemarlo Nope. You just learn to clean less . Lack of sleep leaves you punchy enough to make up fun kid games and enjoy them. Leave the dishes in the sink and stop folding laundry. Spend all the time you can with her before she goes off to school. She will remember and appreciate your time more than she will a well vacuumed living room.

 

[lovingmyhusband]

@littlemarlo Look into respite care so you can take a nap, Mama.

 

[aisaka11]

@littlemarlo I have been a single mom since day one of my baby coming into the world and I can tell you this. She’s almost two now and yes it is absolutely the most stressful thing to be a single mother however. Once they start eating the solids it gets a bit easier. And for me sometimes it would mean having to wait on the dishes or just take a beat from whatever I’m doing to just lay in the floor with her and see her.
Now cereal or rice in milk really helped my baby sleep through out the night a lot easier. She loves her sound machine it was a life saver. When she would refuse to sleep her swing would comfort her a lot.
It really does suck seeing everyone getting to live their lives while it seems like you’re never going to get that chance but you will.
Unfortunately in this world we live in the village doesn’t really exist anymore however you’re doing an amazing job Momma !!
I didn’t personally bed share because my little is a CRAZY sleeper
It’s exhausting but eventually things will start to even themselves out.