Do you consider it "taboo" for a boy to see the diaper changing of his baby sister?

[jessy78]

@knorvy10 There is certainly not a problem. Little boys and girls should see diapers being changed. In fact, it is probably best that kids who are blessed with an opposite-gender sibling see their diapers being changed, be bathed together, or otherwise be around with the other is being bathed. They should get used to seeing the other gender's genitalia when they are too young to think about sexual things. That way they will not think of genitalia as sexual objects. If he sees his little sister being changed he will more likely think of a vulva not as a sex organ but as a place where poop accumulates.

When I was young I "helped" my mom change my little brother, and I understand that when I was in diapers my older brother helped change my diapers. Even when I was older I had no problem with a brother coming into the bathroom when I was bathing, and they had no problem with me coming in when they were naked.

I am a nurse and I have trained young student nurses (male and female). It is not a scientific survey, but it was my impression that students with an opposite-gender sibling were more able to adjust to doing things like bathing the other gender "down there."

 

[josephtheprotector]

@knorvy10 I have a funny story about this. This was a long time ago, but my oldest son was 5 when his baby sister was born. I had her home and was talking with my son. He asked how you know if it's a boy or a girl.

I weighed my options here. I could tell him that girls don't have penises but that's nightmare fuel for a 5 yr old so I said next time i change her, I will call you.

When she needed to be changed, I said now watch. I got finished, looked at him, said you understand? He said yep. Didn't come up again.

 

[prettydesperatemom]

@knorvy10 No. Who would think about that while changing a diaper from a baby?

I'm curiius though: if he were a girl and had a baby brother would he be sent away too?

 

[alfonsodelarano]

@knorvy10 Couldnt agree more, if anything it would be good for the boys development to get an understanding of how diaper changes work, i can see no harm in that.

 

[eagleken]

@knorvy10 No, it's not taboo, at all.

This is a growth spot for your SO. It's tough enough coming to grips with the fact that your parents did things differently, let alone completely wrong. As if that wasn't enough, his parents will eventually see you're parenting differently.

You're going to have the unenviable task of anticipating other differences and talking them out as they come along. Keep in mind that your child will definitely not be raised the exact same way you were, so try to be open to giving up some ground on issues that won't harm the child. Basically, give him room to come to you with concerns; it's a two-way street.

This absolutely will happen again, so you and the SO should work out unified philosophies for punishments and rewards, acceptable media consumption, substance use around the child, openness about nudity and sexuality, rules for grandparents, etc. You won't possibly be able to address it all in one sitting, so the best way to handle the things you haven't considered is to establish a framework for talking it out and converging on a parenting method that's unique to your immediate family. When something pops up, both of you should roll with it (assuming no-harm), but make it known you want to talk about how to handle the issue in the future. With that communication framework, you'll respond much more nimbly and your relationship won't have as much strain.

It's not easy, but you got this.

 

[drewimus]

@knorvy10 not a parent, also a youngest child, this post was recommended for whatever reason

but I don't think this is an issue, as a child my family had a lot of close family friends with kids our ages. often when we stayed places or went away with the families the sons my age and I would be bathed together, up until we were probably 3 or 4, same with my cousin's. no issues have ever come from this.
obviously some situations might be different, but on the surface I see no issue

 

[phelipa]

@knorvy10 Ok, so here's my take on it. This is all based on my personal views and life experiences, so take it with a grain of salt.

I have 2 daughters and my ex has 4 kids from a previous marriage (2 boys, 2 girls). I was molested by my biological father. His daughters were repeatedly sexually assaulted by their stepfather, their older half brother (their mother's first born) and their similarly aged male cousin.

So, while I'm aware I have double standards based on my own personal prejudices, I would not feel comfortable changing a baby girl's diaper in front of a boy, but I know I would not have a problem changing a baby boy's diaper in front of a girl.

I understand that women can be perpetrators of sexual assault, as well, and that men can be victims. I dated a guy who was sexually assaulted by a woman while he was intoxicated. Its just as messed up as when men do it to women.

As a hardcore feminist, I understand the need for equal treatment. I would love to see all victims get the healing support and justice they deserve. That being said, I have my own trauma to battle before ever trusting my daughters around any cisgender males. I did all the diaper changes for my girls.

In conclusion, do I think its taboo to change a girl's diaper in front of her older brother? Absolutely not. Prepubescent children seeing other prepubescent children naked is not even an issue unless adults make it one. Can I empathize with his mother's decision? Very much so, though I really wish I couldn't.

 

[theartguy58]

@knorvy10 Depending on his age… younger ages they don’t really notice or care about the difference however after like 6 or 7 they start to notice more become more curious especially as they learn more about their own anatomy paired with some of the inappropriate things their friends at school may expose them to or they are exposed to online etc. So it’s not worth the risk. I’ve heard many stories about sibling SA so it’s a serious thing that happens and I believe parents should protect their kids from that even being a possibility. So if that means big brother needs to exit the room while you change baby sisters diaper then so be it or vice versa then so be it. Also I never let my older kids change the diapers of my younger ones. Nothing wrong with being cautious and eliminating risk.

 

[wolframn]

@knorvy10 I have one son so this isn't something that comes up much. But he does has little cousins. He doesn't need to stand there while his cousins (2 boys and 1 girl) are getting their diapers changed. To me, regardless of age their privates shouldn't be on full display and be having a conversation about them.

 

[utookmyname]

@wolframn If you teach him what they are in a matter of fact way, the interest goes away.

 

[deliverance4u]

@knorvy10 That seems weird and unhealthy.

 

[hannahjoy]

@knorvy10 Not at all.

 

[giftofmine51]

@knorvy10 No. It is valuable to see these sorts of things happening in a natural way. It is only adults who sexualise these ideas. It is inherently innocent and a healthy curiosity.

 

[inessa]

@knorvy10 No. My children take baths together.

 

[nezumi]

@knorvy10 No.

 

[phrangm]

@knorvy10 no my other kids are in their teens and their little brother is 2 and they have helped with diaper changes and looking after their brother since I work graveyard so no i don't see a problem with it

 

[nathansoz]

@knorvy10 You seem to assume a whole lot about intention, which could very well be reason for taking offense.

Maybe there is more to your MILs actions than the ideas you proposed? Trauma or experiences neither you or your SO know about. Or just her own upbringing, passed to her, and then to him.

With that said, I don't see an issue under normal circumstanses that children see their siblings naked. Though my 10 year old boy runs whenever theres a poop diaper.

 

[richdixon]

@knorvy10 I was 6 and my sister was 10 when my brother was born. We helped bathe him, changed diapers, etc. He ran around naked (as toddlers do).

 

[grandma57]

@knorvy10 No. Back when we were kids it was normal for children to be naked around the house and even at the beach, pretty much up until the point where they asked not to be, on their own. Nobody made a big deal of it, so there were no insecurities.

 

[katrina2017]

@knorvy10 A diaper change is just that, a diaper change. There is no reason the babies sibling should have to go away. It isn’t sexual (obviously) and the implication that it is from some people is so incredibly disgusting.