Do you consider it "taboo" for a boy to see the diaper changing of his baby sister?

[jcp1988]

@knorvy10 I have 2 kids, 6F and 3M. When my daughter was 4 and her brother 2 I was REALLY ill when their dad was at work and she changed his diaper and got him dressed for me. They'll now run into the bathroom while the other one is peeing because my son has a small potty he still uses.

My daughter has been told she can lock the bathroom door for privacy, but she's still the type of kid who will just take her clothes off in the living room when she gets home from school to be in her underwear. Nudity was never made a big deal for them. They know the difference between their genitals, and that nobody is allowed to touch them.

 

[lovelyashley]

@knorvy10 It's bizarre.

 

[brett23]

@knorvy10 No. I hate it when adults sexualize children. So messed up.

 

[lolwhat]

@knorvy10 So I had to deal with this when my first daughter was born. Her brothers (10 and 6 at the time) were just wanting to hang around her all the time. I go to change her and the 6 year old says:

"she has different parts!"

Ready to have the talk I just replied with "yep, it's because she's a girl bud".

He just said "okay!" and ran off to go do something else.

I can understand why some people may be uncomfortable with it, I just think it's a normal part of life and I shouldn't have to treat it any other way.

 

[jzblunt90]

@knorvy10 I change both my kids in front of each other. They are opposite sex and ages 2 and 3.5. They also bathe together. My kids have also seen me and my partner naked. Bodies should not be shamed. Obviously as they get older they will be taught about privacy but for now, in these years where they are so innocent and during the years where they develop their first ideas about the world, they will learn that bodies are nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[thepractice]

@knorvy10 I’m coming in late to this party, but anyhow... It’s unusual (in my experience) that your husband was raised that way. I mean, maybe if he was much older than his younger sister (like 10+ years difference?) I could maybe understand. But for our family, and all our friends’ families I can think of, older siblings were generally called upon to help with changing diapers of younger siblings, regardless of either’s gender (assuming they were old enough to handle it). Kids would also often be bathed together, though I think we started tapering that off around six or seven years old, maybe.

When they are younger, it’s also not unusual for your kids to walk in on you when you’re going potty, or getting into/during/out of the shower, and see you in all of your glory. Again, until they are a little older (7, 8, 9 years?), there’s not much point in making a big deal about privacy or body differences. Kids don’t tend to focus on those things unless you make a big deal about it. And when you do start teaching them about not barging in, it’s better to frame it in terms of it just being impolite, and not make it about “shame” or nakedness.

Anyhow, as far as your husband goes, if that’s how he grew up, you can’t blame him a whole lot. But maybe you can gently nudge him into realizing that he’s the exception and not the rule. That might be easier when the ‘rona lockdowns are over — maybe visiting friends with young children will help him see those types of interactions as normal.

 

[h3lpm3j3su]

@knorvy10 Bf changed his sister's diapers when she was a baby. It shouldn't be a sexual thing, it's just taking care of something that has to get done.

 

[hopeingod714]

@knorvy10 it's definitely not taboo and he most likely took offence and got defensive becuase he doesn't like the idea of his own thoughts being connected to sexualising children. it can be difficult to explain it in a way that isn't saying 'it's not weird, you're weird for thinking it's weird' but thays the straight up truth.
it may take a while for him to come to terms with it, and finding a way to go about the conversation can be difficult

 

[copypasta254]

@knorvy10 Super weird to sexualize it but it is possible that she meant it more for privacy like your husband said? Was there a conversation as to her reasoning? Like, did she specifically say that it was for his sisters privacy? I think you're probably on the right track about shame though. She likely projected her feelings about privacy and her own vagina or vaginas in general onto the kids. Its still wrong but the root could be non sexual in nature I feel.

 

[namenotallowed]

@knorvy10 Maybe your BF mom had some past trauma and sees it as taboo...maybe she grew up that way...but yeah...not taboo at all.

 

[jasssattar]

@knorvy10 My husband tools bath with his younger sister until he was 8 and she was 4. His mom said it was maybe a little too long but they loved to play with toys together. Why sexualize what doesn't need to be. I am a woman so it's not exactly the same but I showered with my mom until about 8 as well cause I liked to. I still have nice memories of her she would loofah my back and then I would loofah her back and have fun playing with the suds. I can't actually remember what she even looked like cause I was 8 and didn't focus on people's privates yet. I say to each their own. Do whatever is most comfortable for you and your kids. I change my son's diaper infront of his cousin too. He's one and she's 3 1/2. No issues, and she sees he looks different but hasn't asked or mentioned anything about it.

 

[bjsorensen]

@knorvy10 I change my baby boy (4mo) around my girls (daughter and sister, 4) all the time. At first I was expecting some "what is that? Why is he different?", but so far they never asked. To them is just the way the baby is and that's that, I guess.
BUT today my sister told me that "the baby was going to grow and be a girl" or something like that but in spanish (?) I corrected her and told her he was going to be a boy. It was a bit odd since they use the right pronouns for him so I thought they understand he was a boy.
Right now I'm just amused thinking maybe she thinks his balls are going to fall when he grows haha but maybe it's time to have a little chat since apparently babies don't have genders for them, or at least I don't think they really understand what they are supposed to be.

 

[dropout_theologian]

@knorvy10 I mean my brother helped our mom change my diapers (I'm the little sister). Turns out that's how he learned the difference between boys and girls. Lol I understand he even changed my diaper and got me dressed in the morning once all by himself. So I don't see a problem with it.

 

[jerry2020]

@knorvy10 Tbh with you, when my baby sister has her diaper changed or did i always left, no harms done there is there? Giving her privacy and teaching her some things dont need to be seen by everyone, we have a huge age gap and i dont see it as anything sexual, some may but theres no need for me to watch her change her diaper

 

[jim32]

@knorvy10 My mom did the same and for a good reason. We are Mexican but live in the US. Sadly my mom grew up in mexico with a very abusive father and my stepdad had a dad who would rape his own daughters. Along with that my mom was also raped by an uncle who was paying for her college. She never trusted me alone with my baby sister even less watching her get changed. It really fucked with me as I got older. I had a daugther and I couldn't give her a shower for the first year of her life. Even now she's past 2 and I still struggle seeing her naked or even touching her when I have to change her.

 

[fidem]

@knorvy10 My kids bathe together all the time at 3 and 5; almost 4 and 6. I see no issue with it. They don't feel weird or ashamed, so why put that in their heads?

 

[lillydawn]

@knorvy10 Idk how old your son is, but I was 7 when I'd help change my brother's diapers. Did I have a lot of really embarrassing questions at first? OH, YOU KNOW IT! But I was fascinated during that time in my life about being a mom and babies and I pretty much designated myself his Nanny. He was MY baby now!

My oldest sister has the same dad as me, and we're 3yrs apart. Growing up well below the poverty line, we took baths together, we have always been fine changing clothes in the same room. None of it was it sexual.

There's also a TON of books produced every year written FOR YOUNG KIDS that helps explain things and can help make it not as awkward to facilitate conversations answer questions. Think along the lines of the book "everybody poops" (or whatever it was called?).

My personal opinion is destigmatize bodies being sexual early on. Obviously autonomy, boundaries and all that need to be implemented at all times. Kids shouldn't be shamed for being curious about other kid's bodies. The more taboo you make it, the more curiosity gets piqued, and the less rational they become about how to solve this curiosity can end in really awkward instances and even more shame for them. Trust me, you dont want to be the parent who gets the "your kid pulled down a girl/boys pants" talk. I had to be the one to start that conversation and I do not recommend -54/10 experience. First time moms are the worst.

 

[lookingforanswers88]

@knorvy10 I'm an older brother and there was never shame seeing a baby naked. It wasn't made a big deal of: you just take care of the child and put on a fresh diaper. With multiple young children in the house, I regularly helped with changing and feeding. Reading this, I'm grateful that my mother never made a big deal of it or shamed me or my siblings (based on gender) in any way. If you make something like this a big deal...it has the potential to become one. If you don't, it isn't.

 

[talaw96]

@knorvy10 I have a 3 year old girl and 1 year old boy. Bits are treated like not a big deal and no one gives a fuck what is seen. And because of that no one even notices anything.

 

[talaw96]

@knorvy10 Also.. it may have been a privacy thing to him and he took it that way. But his mom was being weird about it. My mom did the same thing.. it's all about sex. Just fucking boomers being stupid.