Do you all accommodate any kids activity/sport you can? Or do you draw a line even if you COULD make it happen?

[sandraovercomer]

@dennisbon Our kids aren't involved in any activities because of this. My husband travels a decent amount and it's so exhausting to even think of doing this since it would be almost 100% on me. I regularly have meetings until 4:30-5:00 so it isn't possible to run them to events once school is over if I'm supposed to be working still.

When I was growing up, I went to one riding lesson a week and wasn't allowed to work because my mom wanted me to focus on school. Elementary school isn't as high-pressure as high school, but my 4th grader is still spending 20-30 minutes a night reading, looking over spelling words, and reviewing graded papers.

I say go back to rec as it seems to be the best of both worlds for your family.

 

[gottmaninst]

@dennisbon Both my girls are in girl scouts and cheerleading. That's it. That's all we do. They wanted to do dancing and gymnastics: cheerleading. One of my coworkers is a cheerleading coach and she trains them. It's not too competitive. It's perfect. Girl scouts because it's Girl scouts. I did Girl scouts so yeah my kids do it too. I can't afford to do more sports financially and time wise. I want them to participate in extracurricular activities but not for it to encompass their entire lives. They're only kids and they should their childhood. Some kids competitive sports are so expensive and stressful. I don't want that for them.

 

[dennisbon]

@gottmaninst The scheduling is the main thing that got to me, but the money is no joke! $750 initial fee, $200 between pics, required backpack, jersey, and specific socks. $600 in hotels. Plus gas to drive 500 miles round trip and a day off of work (game started at 10:30 am on a Friday- we weren’t even given the weekends or locations a month in advance). To me that is an insane amount of money to spend on an 8 year old’s play time. Rec was like $200. YMCA has even cheaper options for members.

 

[gottmaninst]

@dennisbon Exactly . I signed up both girls for rec cheerleading. It was $300 for them. One of my coworkers spent $1500 on plane tickets for her daughter's swimming tournament in Los Angeles, CA. This didn't include the hotel room.

 

[dennisbon]

@gottmaninst WHAT? Like.. I can’t spend that much on a family vacation. That’s like our total Christmas budget including extended family gifts. I don’t think my parents ever dished out $1,500 on one kid discretionary expense ever. They don’t have swimming tournaments locally or within a day’s driving distance!?!? Madness.

 

[noelie]

@dennisbon OP, thanks for asking this question. My daughter is only 15 months so we have some time until this becomes an issue, but my husband and I have already had some discussions on this.

We have nephews (my husband’s brother’s sons, 9 and 12) who are both in the same sports at the same time (soccer in the spring/summer, basketball in the fall/winter). Being at different age levels, they’re in different programs, and it. seems. AWFUL. My BIL and SIL are constantly split up, having to take 1 son to practice somewhere and the other one taking the other son somewhere else. Their Saturdays (sometimes full weekends) in the fall/winter are consistently filled with all-day basketball tournaments, sometimes at different places for each kid. The sports completely consume their lives! I don’t think I could do it.

My husband was always in multiple sports through high school and I pretty much only played rec basketball for fun, so we have different views on the importance of sports/activities. I think I’m more in OP’s camp where I see more importance in quality family time.

It’s interesting to see everyone’s perspectives!

 

[dennisbon]

@noelie Oh man, I hope you can find a balance. You have plenty of time! I would be so stoked if track was the thing that stuck. They’re both incredible runners. It offers variety. In my area it doesn’t start until middle school, and the bus takes them to/from tournaments. I’d be just as happy with soccer continuing if it was the school teams. I just worry about them not making it and blaming our lack of intense training at age 9.

 

[dueceman88]

@dennisbon My parents only let us do two activities growing up and we loosely follow that (with the exception of swimming lessons, which feels like a life skill, if they did swim team I think it would change). So our 9 yo does tennis and 7 yo does tennis and rec gymnastics. They are both having fun and we still have some flexibility and family time, chores, and homework. Competitive sports at this age feel like kind of a nightmare to balance with 3 kids (toddler doesn’t do activities) and 2 ft working parents. Plus I think about the activities and sports I ended up loving and still do and all of those I started in middle and high school and could see my kids being the same.

 

[julieann52]

@dennisbon I would not do all that and my kid wouldn’t be happy.

 

[righty]

@dennisbon Honestly I’m torn myself because I work in the evenings. I would love to put my son in baseball, basketball or the scouts. Right now my older kids are doing karate and one is also in gymnastics. But I don’t know if I can commit to it if it’s like everyday (at 7 and 5 years old). That’s just too much. I’m shocked at how late the activities are too, 7pm? 8? Aren’t they supposed to be in bed by then?

 

[dennisbon]

@righty Right!?!? That part drives me up the wall. Especially when the activity starts at 7, but it’s a 30 minute drive with traffic/construction. So we’re leaving at 6:20. Getting home at 8:30. Then they have to shower, brush teeth, etc. And without fail procrastinate bedtime because they need time to wind down after the activity and settle into home. Understandably. Today’s complaint was they were worried about lightning coming into our house. We forgot to play Uno. Then they needed a 4th night light. Then they wanted us to sleep in bed. Then they’re having a social hour in their room at 9:45. We were past that phase for a solid year, but late night activities bring it all back.

 

[righty]

@dennisbon It’s like they get a second wind past a certain time! My daughter does this too, she’ll want to sleep in her brothers bunk, then talk his ears off.. then get thirsty.. then all the sudden has to poop

 

[dennisbon]

@righty I totally remember all of the same antics sometimes I wait to wash dishes until they’re in bed since I’m in earshot. They eventually get so bored of waiting for me to go away so they can mess around that they sleep.

 

[robert77]

@dennisbon My kids were allowed to select ONE extra curricular activity per season ... not that any of my now adult kids were ever interested in anything like that, but we worked such crazy hours back then and with 3 kids, we had to be practical about time management.

My youngest's school has after school clubs and sports opportunities. They are in an afterschool club that meets once a week for an hour after school and they are involved in one train and play sport outside of school once a week. If they stay in the sport, I'm sure it will be a bigger commitment, but even in middle school, I just can't get onboard with the time commitments and travel some sports programs entail for a kid who is mediocre at best. If I had a little protégé I might change my mind, but my time is valuable too so we cap how much extra our kids are involved in to try to remain sane. lol

 

[warmtribute]

@dennisbon I think this is just so, so dependent on your kids. I absolutely don’t think you’re just “a lazy homebody,” but I do know that if your children are especially gifted and passionate about the sport, then continuing competition soccer is a commitment that will be important to their potential careers in the sport. I know it seems crazy to say that when they are so young, but the average age for Olympic training to start is 15, believe it or not. Children as young as 13 are not unheard of or unusual in the pre-Olympic training programs. So I think the question is, are your kids at that level of skill, commitment, and passion? If they are, then it would be best for them to stay on high-level competitive teams. If they are not, and/or all the soccer makes them and you mostly miserable, then clearly rec soccer would be the way to go. I might recommend talking to other “high-level sport” parents - the time and money commitment is insane, but they will be able to give you the reasons why they sacrifice for the opportunity for their kids, it could almost certainly help you come up with a pros and cons list

Edit to add: those ages I listed are specific to soccer, kids in sports like gymnastics, ballet, and figure skating often begin intensive training by the time they are six.

 

[rustyw]

@warmtribute Can speak to this. My son is a competitive gymnast. He started on the team at 7. He's almost 9. He competes in USA Gymnastics sanctioned meets. He is extremely talented. He started going to parent/child "gymnastics" when he was almost 2. Played at that type of gym till 5. Then he went to the "real" gym and did recreational classes, and then was invited to the team at 7. He is so incredibly passionate about the sport. It is incredible to see him compete. It is a huge commitment. He practices 9 hours a week (M/W/F) with the team and does a one hour private lesson on Sundays.

OP we don't have to supervise though. It is an open gym and we are allowed (as it should be) to watch. Usually, we drop him off and come back. It gives my husband and I some alone too which is nice.

I understand what you mean, and it does seem crazy. If we said he couldn't do this, he would be devastated. He has friends on the team and we do play dates. He has school friends and neighbor kids, runs around outside. He's in the gifted program at school and we make sure and also prioritize his education. We also make sure we have plenty of family time on the weekends. Right now, meet season just started and he only does 6 total including the state championships. Once he moves up levels (if he does, it's not a guarantee), he can qualify for regionals and if gets that far, nationals.

I can't tell you how it feels to see your child get a crazy hard skill, gain confidence, be proud when he does well, gets a higher score, sees the dedication pay off when he stands on that podium. He understands being a part of a team of dedicated athletes that support and care about each other's successes. It's not just athletics. It's determination, structure, discipline, grit and growth. He's grown as a kid being a part of this sport. We love seeing his passion for it.

Anyway, I know we are one of those outliers. He may decide it's too much as the hours increase for practice and there are more meets etc. We're seeing how it plays out but right now this is what we're doing. Right now it is worth it to us as his parents.

Edit: OP you are not lazy! This is insane levels of commitment and totally not the norm. I don't know a ton of people in our shoes. I can completely understand how you feel. When we did the team orientation before we decided to do it, I almost fell out of my chair when they told me how many hours a week, the money, etc. I get it. Also, we're not wealthy, but I think it doesn't hurt to mention that he is an only child.

 

[dennisbon]

@warmtribute See, I just don’t prioritize them becoming an elite athlete young. I don’t think it’s hampering their opportunities or dreams. He’s 8. There are so many future opportunities and goals to be had. Spending 4+ nights/week for half the year means less of a lot of things. Fewer family meals, fewer play dates, less time to explore other interests, less time to just unwind or make whatever plan comes to mind.

He has skill, commitment, and passion. But our lives are so much more than that. What about our family game nights? What about leaving town to do something fun? What about the playdates and other interests? What about his sister who has to spend just as much time as the grownups at these events? I think 8 is so young to give it all to one interest that statistically won’t be a career.

I’m not trying to be judgmental at all. Or controlling. It just takes a lot from him and everybody in our family. When he’s 13 or so and more independent it seems more reasonable. If he was going to do his own thing anyways why not? But right now he still wants to hang out with us. We still have to help a lot with just about every aspect of his care. He can’t just get on a bus after school and get picked up. We have to supervise every practice and game. I didn’t grow up in a sports family so maybe I just don’t relate to the benefits.

 

[sojchd]

@dennisbon I can’t offer much, but my partner plays a sport at a pro level. If his parents hadn’t prioritized it for him since a young age, he wouldn’t be where he is in his career. But I was with him during the draft - all of the other kids he played with at a college level who didn’t get drafted, also had parents that prioritized their sports. Thousands upon thousands spent, summers gone, family vacations only surrounding sports, and their kids finished at a college level and no pro aspects. Which is exactly why I will not do that - if my kids want to follow in their dads shoes they will have to play rec until they get to high school.

 

[dennisbon]

@sojchd This is a really balanced approach! What a unique perspective. You know, I’m willing to sacrifice everything I have for my kids. But I don’t necessarily have the resources to make EVERYTHING the kids might want possible. Priorities have to be chosen. There’s limited time, money, and energy. If I could do everything else they need, stay sane, AND give him this right now- no brainer.

I like the point you made about college. We’re already $1,500 into this at 8. Even if prices remained the same that would be $15,000 by time college rolled around. Plus like you’re mentioning- soccer would be our entire lives. Limited opportunity for vacations, other activities, etc with this level of commitment.

 

[rustyw]

@dennisbon Hi OP, I made a comment above this as my experience having an "elite" athlete. My son is a competitive gymnast and he is 8. If you'd like my perspective at all