@steve337 I love this. The nice thing about having home hobbies is that they’re easier for kids to bring to adulthood. I was shocked and bursting with pride when sporty 8 YO discovered his shared love of gardening. Like happy tears. One day he was bored and I told him he could try and help me dig clay if he wanted to. He helped me in the garden about 3x/week for 2 years since then. He’s now trusted to deadhead flowers without supervision and can more or less plant things himself. Like how cool- he gained a healthy lifelong hobby that gets him outside!
They have the most adorable little neighborhood crew too. Lemonade stands, trampoline games, nerf wars in the yards. We swam with them all the time before this. I got him a kid FitBit because he loves competition and tracking things. He was clearing 12k-16k steps consistently with NO soccer in session. Sometimes they’re like naw- I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything this night/weekend. Totally valid. I get that way too even though I’m usually quite active. We still limit screen time on those days, but there are lots of Lego sets and marble runs. They help us make banana bread or pancakes. We have plenty of social interaction still but those family moments are the ones I treasure.
I feel like competitive sports are so individualistic. I bring him to go and do something and he tells me about it. Where when we go and do something he asks to do as a family we all participate and share something together. Roller rink, beach day, climbing trees (retrieving kids from trees for us), fireworks, bonfires, going to the movies.
@dennisbon It is such a fine line. We are aiming for the rule someone else mentioned if 2 activities each something physical and something artistic. We have some flexibility but generally can’t do much if it starts before 6pm between my husband’s commute and our hours. I think we would try to be flexible for something one of them is really passionate about or excelling in. We are dipping our toes into cheerleading and multiple practices a week is another level of chaos. We have 3 kids so we need to keep in mind being able to accommodate for all of them and their choices so I don’t think we would ever be able to allow 2-3 activities a kid that all have multiple practices a week.
@dennisbon Have you considered asking your 8y/o now that the season is over if they would prefer to play in a house league next year or continue with the competitive schedule?
@marlow7 It’s not just what he says he prefers. It’s more about our ability to reasonably accommodate that. Rec- no problem. We can do 2 nights/week. Traveling- so much time away from home. Dinner/homework/bedtime all become challenges. And keeping up with the house, family time overall suffers. Our schedules aren’t super flexible. Only one parent is available at night to do this running around and his sister has to tag along, the other gets home past the start of dinner time. We can’t afford to move to the more central area of town, outsource some things, get a dishwasher, eat out constantly, whatever would make this doable for us without things being constantly overwhelming for all of us.
He says he wants to do competitive now. But he was also melting down during the majority of the session when school and club overlapped. Complained a lot about having to go during the school year. The season ended mid-summer and that’s when he said he wanted to do club again. A lot more chill and flexible.
I think you have your answer, OP! He might want to do competitive because everyone else is doing competitive, and he thinks that's what he should also want. Taking a break sounds healthier for him.
@dennisbon I'm pulling my hair out because my son's bio dad got him hyped for select baseball, assumed responsibility for all practices/games/tournaments. Mind you, all these things take place out of town 2 nights a week & every weekend. After just ONE practice...crickets. Once again here I am doing all the leg work. Oh & cherry on top being he's now asking me to drop his child support (he's 23k behind) because he's paying $200 a month for this team. I have to laugh so I don't scream.
@katrina2017 Omg. That’s AWFUL. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. My SO was the one who signed him up for this at my extreme hesitation. He was the one doing ALL of it besides for the weekends because of our work schedules. Of course they flipped now with his new contract and it’s all on me. But at least that was a discussion. He’s definitely on the same page as me now. It was borderline impossible for one kid. Now the 1st grader is in rec and he’s like no way are we doing this for 2 without some miraculous inflow of cash and flexibility. Hang in there. Hopefully the season is over soon and your kid is ready for a break too. And your ex gets some common sense.
@dennisbon Personally I did soccer like this starting at 8 and I really hope my kids do it too. Mine are 2 and still cooking. Currently we do swim lessons weekly and often dance or soccer during the week.
@bartgroot96 See I don’t mind one-two days/night per kid. But 4 for just one plus the birthday parties etc. I don’t get how people juggle it all. Do you ever struggle to feed solid meals and keep up with housework with so many evenings booked? Do you remember your parents struggling to keep up?
I have a feeling this is my hatred of feeling busy/overbooked. We do plenty, but I like it to be on our terms.
@dennisbon I am the third of 4. Honestly. My parents made it look easy. E did a lot of carpooling. My dad cooked and did a lot of chores. My mom is a doctor but worked til 4 when we were little.
Personally I don't mind a cluttered or messy house. My second child isn't born yet (37 weeks) so who knows how I'll feel in 5 years.
@bartgroot96 Wow, great for them! Not only did they pull it off, but they showed you great examples of team work and delegation.
Lol.. the first sport I was ever in was 3rd grade softball. My mom was friends with the coach. The coach’s oldest daughter was assistant coach and her other daughter was my age. But way, intimidatingly popular. We hardly knew each other and I was VERY shy. My mom decided to plant me at their house for a week while she went on vacation. “You’re staying with Hannah’s family. They’re starting softball this week. You’re on the team. Bye!” Anxiety out the ears. I’d never even gone to a softball game or put a glove on. First practice I got a black eye when I missed a catch from the older sister.
She forgot me at school after activities a lot too… I might need to talk to my therapist about this
@dennisbon Ex husband of wants both of our kids on extracurriculars. That's five nights of driving and Saturday games. I'm very frustrated: the time commitment he doesn't have to make because he lives five states away.
@jenniferb Yikes, no thanks. If your ex isn't able to physically share the load, you have the final call there. Luckily I split the cost AND time with my ex. If I was on my own I probably wouldn't do it, even if he offered to pay for it all.
@dennisbon Did your 8 year old enjoy the competitive team? Some children really thrive in those situations. AND they can take on more responsibilities to ensure they can continue participating at a higher or more competitive level. For both my brother and I, we were always responsible for getting ourselves ready for our practices and games, even as young children. My brother was one of the only 2nd graders that could put his own football pads in his uniform pants. I would string my own dance shoes and ensure my costumes were ready for performances by around 5/6 as well. Were we always perfect? Nope! But for the most part, we wanted to do it so we did what we needed to do to ensure we could. If your child wants to continue with the advanced league, have them be responsible for for their participation. Like I know a child can’t drive or anything yet but an 8 year old can get their own clothes washed and sports bag packed.
@arrows I like the point of him doing more to accommodate. We’ve tried to reinforce that finding his things is his responsibility (he’s constantly stashing socks/shin guards/jersey god knows where even though I remind him daily that it needs to all be in his bag.)
The bigger deal is school work/household expectations/etc. He LOVES the soccer part. But he has a really tough time with the driving, limited down time, having to spend some nights only on the essentials and maybe an hour of downtime. LOTS of tantrums, meltdowns, grumpy/sassy comments, poor listening compared to normal. Like everybody has days but it’s a clear pattern. I feel like that part also adds to the whole family difficulty. The logistics are tough any way you cut it. So many hours driving and sitting at practice and running back home. I just don’t think we’re ready for it all as a whole.
@dennisbon My kids each get one thing plus swim (which they have to do until they’re good enough to be safe). Cost is definitely an issue for us so usually the second activity is just once a week. My oldest (6) has done t-ball and rec soccer but I don’t think he’s gonna get that into sports. I think he’ll be a more music/drama kid, but we’ll see. My 3 yo chose dance and she will get to be in a recital so I’m sure that’s a whole thing, but it’s low pressure at her age. Something with a 3-4x a week commitment would only happen if the kid REALLY wanted to do it, AND showed commitment, AND we could afford it, AND could keep school as a priority. That’s a lot of ifs. I love activities to a certain extent but I value our mental health more.
@elite_jedi This answer is really thoughtful and balanced. As far as those ifs go I hope that we can make it happen, but right now the timing isn’t the best. I totally agree with the mental health side. As a whole family unit it’s really rough on us. SO is finishing a union apprenticeship so money and job availability will go up and up. I’m studying with the goal of a bachelors in business administration in 18 months. The end goal there is better paying opportunities and more flexible positions to choose from. We’re doing everything we can to improve family life as a whole! I truly think 8 YO loves this and he’s sooooo committed. But resources are tight- time and money. It makes getting school work, bedtime, mealtimes, and family time in and that’s so difficult.
Sorry to ramble. Your post just really made me feel better with your qualifications. Honestly a year and a half would only mean sitting out one season and doing rec. We’re on a positive trajectory and it very well might line up differently then. It’s not my convenience vs kids passion. It’s our ability to provide healthy everything else vs pursuing their passion to that extent. SO and I have talked about a weeklong skills camp or something along those lines for 8 YO next year so he knows we’re still invested.
@dennisbon I’m so glad I helped! It is nice that with soccer it’s not all or nothing. There’s still rec and camps so he can progress his skills to play in middle/high school if he still loves it. Your family has so much on your plate! And remember happy parents are good for your kid in the long run.
@dennisbon Did kid WANT competitive club soccer or did dad just sign him up? I think the biggest difference is if it’s something the kid is passionate about or not. Maybe casual soccer 1-2x per week is the same to him as the more intense stuff.
