Do you all accommodate any kids activity/sport you can? Or do you draw a line even if you COULD make it happen?

[dennisbon]

@r123 Kid definitely wanted it. He is soccer obsessed. 2 years of rec, 2 years of winter indoor practice, wants to practice outside year round in WI. Organizes games at recess daily. Watches YouTube videos of tricks.

That being said I think the negative impact of over scheduling is bigger than the positive impact. Maybe I’ll see if he can play up if he needs more of a challenge in rec. I know he wants it. But 8 year olds aren’t the best at self regulating and prioritizing. He’s consistently stressed out and on edge compared to pre-comp days.

 

[katrina2017]

@dennisbon Our rule is one activity per kid at a time, and no competitive activities (elite gymnastics, travel ball, etc) unti 12. We have a large family and that's what we needed to do to keep our sanity and not go bankrupt.

For us, we choose not to count school sports or clubs in this because they do not cost $$ and there is no transportation/scheduling to worry about.

Currently we have one that plays several sports (football, basketball, baseball, golf), one that only plays volleyball but plays year- round, and two that play football and basketball at a competitive level. They also all play instruments but those lessons are from family and more sporadic

 

[dennisbon]

@katrina2017 This is totally my vibe. I knew you get competitive teams existed. But I naively thought at the younger level it was like honors English class. Similar level of commitment- more advance instruction. Oh no.

I’m from a big family and I think that’s a big reason that seems foreign to me. Although we’re sticking with 2, I noticed a lot of habits and mentalities I have came from my parents strategies to balance. For example I never grew up with the whole PB & J as a backup option for dinner thing. Or got asked what I wanted for dinner. Uhhh yeah. Can you imagine doing that for 6 kids every night?

I also remember being very conscious of what was going on logistically at home. I’ll get home with brother 1. Mom works until 4. Then she’s getting baby sister and brother 2 from daycare. Then dad would bring one to piano after getting home and starting dinner. I’d watch dinner while he did the drop off and picked the other up from school baseball. My parents would watch Law and Order after asking about our days and if we had homework. The end. Maybe a holler “did you brush your teeth?” By 11 I really was on the sideline and didn’t mind. I was totally mindful of the activities I wanted to do and usually chose really flexible things.

I think part of the benefit of only having 2 to me (besides the obvious chaos and financial side) IS to be able to give more. But I also want more time and energy for us to be our own individuals. Spending most of that “extra” time and energy having almost every night of the week booked with a sport never even crossed my mind. It was more like “cool! I’ll get to have more of those awesome 1:1 moments and life will be more peaceful.”

 

[katrina2017]

@dennisbon This is a struggle for me as well, just from a different perspective! I grew up extremely poor, with a single parent addicted to drugs so I never got to really do any activities. Because of that we've always tried to make it a priority to let our kids do (and have) the things that are important to them, but we also have a larger than normal family (8 total, 4 at home still). The only way I could really figure out to balance it was to limit some of it by age. And honestly, the little kids always had the best time playing under the bleachers with their friends while brother played football - they didn't miss out on anything by waiting their turn and we got some peace at home by not running around crazy all the time.

 

[katrina2017]

@dennisbon Also competitive teams are honestly just miserable unless you are one of those parents that lives vicariously through your child. We've done it a few times because we had a college level athlete and he really had to do it to stay "in the game" recruiting-wise, but it is just a horrible drain in every single way and it really takes a toll on the other children too i think.

 

[pijow]

@dennisbon There’s a lot of good perspectives on both sides here. I am a former competitive athlete and coach, here’s my take.

It sounds like maybe forgoing competitive team right now is the best decision for your current situation and family priorities. But I wouldn’t shut that door indefinitely.

Competitive sports can be great, depending on the commitment/cost, kid’s interest & ability and anticipated longevity. For example, how feasible/likely would it be for your kid to play age 8-18 plus 4 years college?

As a competitive athlete, I had a very demanding practice schedule for years, which really wore on my mom. Dinner in the car, limited family time, etc. She embraced carpooling, but it was still a lot. However, I am SO grateful for everything she did. It was such a labor of love. Sports shaped who I am. I did burn out a bit, but regained my passion in college and coached as well. I still do the sport recreationally now for exercise and stress relief.

Your kid will be disappointed, but if they are really passionate, they will find ways to practice on their own and still enjoy rec team. Re-visit in a year or two to gauge interest and family priorities.

 

[dennisbon]

@pijow Thank you for your perspective! This is absolutely what I’m aiming for. Not squashing the passion or any chance of being competitive. Just taking a step back until it makes more sense for our family.

 

[yoshs]

@dennisbon I personally think organized sports, mainly those newer club/travel leagues, are a scam. All these travel clubs etc are all just about the money. I've heard them described as the social life for parents. Your child is most likely NOT going to get a college scholarship for soccer. And the thousands you spend on these weird club sports could just as well cover the cost of college in some cases. It teaches you how to be a team player is also a load of bologna because I know plenty of people who did sports who can't work on teams at all.

Unless your child is able to explicitly communicate that they want to do xyz sport at xyz intensity level or some kind of prodigy, then just let them be kids. Find simple ways to get physical activity in as a family and you'll all be better off for it. Take them to less heavy time commitments to get exposure to different activities and test out their interests.

Seriously though everyone, please let kids be kids. Everything doesn't need to be an intense orga ized sport.

 

[amyf]

@yoshs Completely agree. Sports have changed drastically in the last 20-30 years since I was a kid. There aren't even causal rec leagues offered in my area- only highly competitive club/travel sports. My husband and I greatly value our down-time as a family, and I have no desire to "keep up with the Joneses" with club sports.

I also teach in a middle school, and it's actually criminal how the club/travel sports have impacted school sports at the middle school level. The only kids that make the school team are the ones who are already on club/travel leagues. I feel the kids on club/travel should not be allowed to try out to give other students a chance.

 

[dennisbon]

@yoshs I can definitely see the social club for parents. The parents on the teams have been VERY nice. But they’re noticeably more yuppie than the rec/winter kickstart parents. A lot of gossiping through the entire game or playing on phones then snapping a pic for Facebook. I notice nicer cars, more conversations about expensive this and that, exotic vacations, etc.

They’ve been very kind to me and I’ve gotten to know a couple well (the ones who mainly want to talk about the kids and the game!). But I wouldn’t be surprised if some parents do it to try and fit in with that crowd.

 

[efani]

@dennisbon I had to draw a line, if I could reasonably fit it in we would do it. When they got a little older they could do any activity they wanted if they could walk or there was an activity bus if we could not fit it in easily. I also told my kids to pick which games, performances, whatever they absolutely wanted us to attend and we prioritized those ones, but they knew would not be able to attend every single one. Honestly I think it taught my kids some good critical thinking skills and problem solving. They have never felt unsupported by us, but they knew it was not sustainable to run ourselves into the ground trying to do it all, all the time. It taught them how to compromise and to think about each other needs as well. There were many times all three kids had something at the same time. There is only two of us. They would work together on their schedules to identify which ones were the most important for us to be there.

Don’t get me wrong if I could make it happen I did, but I commuted 90 minutes each way every day, and my husband had a heavy on call job. We had to have transparent empathetic conversations with the kids about what was feasible abs what wasn’t.

 

[dennisbon]

@efani I love this. You’re really insightful and I love that you turned this into a positive life lesson. I appreciate that you brought up work schedules too, because that’s definitely a factor over here. I don’t have a long commute, but my hours aren’t flexible whatsoever. No WFH or coming in early/staying late to make up time. SO’s hours are sporadic being a carpenter’s apprentice. He’s had 60-90 minute commutes for 3 different job sites since June. All with different hours and none of them permanent since projects are meant to be completed. During layoffs he handles a ton, but in situations like this I’m doing 90% of the heavy lifting at home. I would need complete flexibility work when you want, stop when you want to accommodate all of this and take care of them properly.

 

[efani]

@dennisbon I promise it does get easier I have two teens still at home and my daughter just moved out, once my oldest started driving we made a deal that if she helped drove her brothers places we would get a car for her use. We paid the payment and insurance and she was more then willing to help out for that lol. My second is driving now too and he has the same deal. It has made it a lot easier to fit in all the extra curriculars.

 

[dennisbon]

@efani That’s great! My youngest sibling is still in high school and just started driving. It’s like my parent’s whole world opened up they’ve been shuttling kids around for 28 years. They thought middle/high school would be easier, but the younger ones got super involved and got jobs. I swear every evening I called them for a year they were driving so and so to this event.

 

[unclemendy]

@dennisbon I limited my kids to one school activity and one non-school activity at a time. So, sports team and Scouts, for example. My then-husband and I had rather inflexible jobs and no local family/free childcare to take kids to activities.

 

[dennisbon]

@unclemendy The lack of extended family/free help makes a massive difference! I notice a lot of families switching off parents taking them, grandparents taking them, even aunts or family friends. I feel your pain there. Our family is all 300-2,000 miles away. Every time his mom flew in to visit I wanted to kidnap her and force her to stay

 

[michaelo]

@dennisbon Soccer mom from another middle class family here — take the middle ground, find a low ranked competitive team or an eager rec team, that maybe does a tourney here & there, but HELL no, do you need to be that competitive at ages 6&8.

They can practice their foot skills at home if they are dedicated. Then, they can still have the opportunity to play their skills on the field, but stay balanced in a lot of other things. I cannot recommend this enough!! My oldest has been in soccer for since age 3 & we know all sorts of soccer players, I do not see the advantage with the kids who were that intense as youngsters IF they still play. And notice the IF, believe it or not, many do stop playing and that is hard no matter what, but it stings even harder if you’ve put that much time and money in…

 

[sisters18]

@dennisbon I think the current trend of travel/highly competitive activities for kids under 10 is really concerning. As a teacher, I've seen how exhausted these kids are during the school day. Unless your kid has a fiery burning passion for soccer, I say wait until middle school for those kinds of activities.

My nephew does 4 sports a year, all are travel/competitive teams. He's 7. He has no free time ever and I feel awful for him but his dad is determined to make these things happen

 

[nauris]

@dennisbon Honestly, I think the home time (before the club sport) sounded ideal for everyone. The push for that level of sports early is so strong right now, but is it the best for all around development? I doubt it. Good people are well rounded. The calm, rich and routine family time is a good thing! Also, the kids still did activities just not CLUB SPORTS. I personally think club sports are ruining kids sports. It becomes too competitive, too early. Also, now rec sports are dying off because of this, so now everyone has less options.

 

[js39409]

@nauris You're right. Club sports are negatively impacting youth sports and the kids themselves. Kids that participate in club sports have higher rates of injury, and they have been seeing increasing rates of repetitive injuries in kids because kids are specializing in one sport and playing it all year long.

https://www.uclahealth.org/news/injuries-among-youth-athletes-are-on-the-rise-but-why