Do you all accommodate any kids activity/sport you can? Or do you draw a line even if you COULD make it happen?

[dennisbon]

@jester5510 I would love to get the kids into music lessons! I recently started teaching them guitar off of YouTube, but I’d like to get them into something formal. Variety would be really interesting to see. Both kids are very athletic and competitive. I bet they’d enjoy so many different activities. I took them to a basketball court and they loved it.

 

[joanfiz]

@dennisbon If your kid really, really loves that I would be willing to do it for one sport per kid. I would also work to carpool with another family / alternate which parent goes while the other stays home with the other kid and gets quality time and the chores done / other options to balance out your schedule.

 

[dennisbon]

@joanfiz Unfortunately we don’t consistently have the ability to rotate parents. SO works construction which could mean no work for 2-3 months, then 6 10’s plus a commute like he’s doing now. When we do revisit I’ll absolutely look for carpool opportunities. Right now even if we had that network, the kids are very clingy. They want us at every practice and game. They insist I record their entire games for their dad to see later. And give us play by plays if we even blinked and might have missed something. They definitely want us there every time!

 

[joanfiz]

@dennisbon That level of overtime sounds rough for everyone! Fingers crossed that he's off work during the sports season - I'd push for him to take them most of the time when he's off, and you go to every other game or something.

I can totally understand that the kids want you there, but you'll need to work with them on that and explain that part of how your family makes enough time for their sports is by having one of you stay home and get chores done. You could ask them to pick out the games you'll attend, and promise to go to the championship or whatever is most important.

 

[dennisbon]

@joanfiz Absolutely! When he’s laid off he does 100% of this. And I don’t attend every game. I probably should have that talk with the kids. I’d love to see your practice every time, but we need clean underwear and dishes.

 

[cubikman]

@dennisbon I didnt play any sports as a kid bc we lived 1 hour from the school in a rural area. My parents and their siblings didnt play any sports. Sometimes I was sad I could participate in sports, but I turned out fine and found other things to do. Your kids will be fine. I have so many well off colleagues who have their kids in multiple sports etc it seems so stressful.

 

[dennisbon]

@cubikman I’ve thought about this! Do any of these kids live in the country? Because I’m a drama queen about 30 minutes drive each way. What if it was 40 minutes!? Plenty of those kids still lead healthy, vibrant lives. 4H, four wheelers, snowmobiles, fishing, hunting, etc. I want a balance of the 2. I’d feel bad if we couldn’t do any sports. But 3-4 nights per week per kid is insane to me. I can’t do that and do all of the other things.

 

[leighalynn]

@dennisbon I only have a 4 month old baby but I'm just speaking from my experience as a child who played club soccer. I think it just depends if he is passionate about it. I would have been so upset if my parents told me I couldn't play anymore. but of course I understand the logistics now that it was incredibly inconvenient and my parents probably sacrificed more than I realized at the time. I'm grateful that they did

 

[js39409]

@dennisbon Offering my perspective as a child of parents (well, one parent) that placed a lot of value on athletic excellence: Don't do it. Well, don't do it yet, and if you do, don't break your family for one child's athletic "career".

There is not a single reason to push a child into the intensity of traveling sports that young. If your child wants to dedicate a lot of time to a specific sport, is showing promise in that sport, AND (most importantly) it's within your family's time and financial budgets, it's okay to do those in middle/high school, but never do them at the cost of the other sibling being miserable.

My younger sister and I were more athletic than most, but she was much better at team sports. My parents started her in traveling softball when she was in middle school. I played one season of traveling softball. We both had fun that one season, but I wasn't interested in continuing as it wasn't my primary sport and I didn't enjoy spending my entire summer at miserably hot ballparks. She kept playing for several years, even after starting on the JV team. We had only just gotten to a place where we were able to go on larger vacations as a family, but that was quickly squashed because our entire travel budget was spent on hotels for tournaments in crappy suburbs every other weekend. My sister did well and had offers from some small colleges, but it was her performance on the varsity and all-state teams that attracted the attention of recruiters, not her time in traveling ball. She also didn't play softball in college because she wanted to focus on academics.

For my family, we only have a singleton, so I won't have to worry about where a sibling fits into those plans. But I do not have any intention of doing club/traveling sports that require travel until middle school when we could be traveling for school sports anyway. If my child is interested in sports that require travel, we will decide based on what our time and financial budgets allow. She will be welcome to do as many afterschool activities as she likes as long as they don't negatively impact her academics, don't conflict with each other, and are affordable. I don't personally have the capacity to do more than one activity that would require travel at a time.

Add: our afterschool activities are part of our childcare as our district doesn't have standard afterschool options. She will be able to pick from some free play options, music lessons, dance/gymnastics, organized sports, etc. as she gets older.

 

[teresabeloved]

@dennisbon I think it is totally appropriate for you, as parents, to set reasonable boundaries on what your family can afford to support (both in time and monetarily) and follow your kid's lead from there. For us, that means no more than two sports a season but that could be less for you when your finances and 6yo are taken into account. More than anything, I'd recommend a chat with your husband. It sounds like he either didn't appreciate the commitment required for travel ball or has a different philosophy altogether on what is reasonable.

As an aside, I saw you comment elsewhere about being good with one night/week. I don't know how realistic that is as even the most relaxed sports in our area require at least 2 nights/week in season. But so goes youth sports today. :/

 

[dennisbon]

@teresabeloved I really like summer sports since we don’t have the school shuffle. 2x a week summer rec each is perfect. Thanks for reinforcing that. I hope we can be those parents who have time for all of that, but right now we’d definitely not!

 

[kalter]

@dennisbon My son is 9 and because my husband and I both work full time, our family rule is he can only do activities he can get to by himself. He’s done soccer 2x a week since he was 6, which is walking distance. He’s also tried various activities like swimming, chess club, baseball where he either took the bus or went with a friend. Personally, at this age I think soccer is already enough so not going to stress myself out driving him around to do more.

 

[dennisbon]

@kalter That sounds so nice to me! We’ve never done after school activities. Even rec was driving each kid somewhere 2x/week. I say was because for the first time since November we are soccer free. I’m signing them up for a once/week self defense course 5 minutes from the house soon. But this will be 100% easier.

TBH I need to get more comfortable with independence! We’re just starting to let him walk to the park on our quiet block at 8… and we creep out to watch him from around the corner. Every kid is different though. He regularly doesn’t pay attention while crossing streets or monkeys around.

 

[kalter]

@dennisbon Yes, as they get more independent it’s a real game changer! But totally agree every kid is ready at their own pace. Activities are great but not at the cost of family time, homework, time to relax and unstructured play with friends. I think the main reason my son stopped the other activities wasn’t that he didn’t like it, but if his days were all too scheduled he had no days to just play with friends after school. For us, that’s just as important as learning a new skill or sport.

 

[sifiso]

@dennisbon I mean if the kids both like it, then it would be great if they could continue. I think that for athletes at that high level, they would feel really sad if they grew up and then missed that chance. Practicing for that long would give them the chance they need for them to go as high as they’d like.
Time is crazy and I know a family who also had a child like this; I didn’t know they were so invested, but now he’s on his way to getting signed to the LA Galaxy and he’s trying to get scouted to get an athletic scholarship for college. And they’re all really happy for him!!
But if the kids look like they’re being roped into it or that they aren’t taking it as seriously, it’s ok to not do so as much yourself and instead pull it back and focus on it for fun.

 

[darren927]

@dennisbon Ask the 8 yes old what they want. If they say yes well your about to become the crockpot meals queen, and ff queen. I feel like when you have kids this should be one of those conversations that needs to happen, yes you should be supportive yes you have to give up your normal. BUT it only lasts so long then next season if they don't wanna do it again awesome if they do that's awesome to. I played basketball, ballet, dance, I had computer club, science club. But I did all that for 1 year and I was like nope I'm good then switched to basketball.

 

[dennisbon]

@darren927 See I’m fine with adapting to some extent. But where do you draw the line? Of course I want to give the kids everything they want and hope for. But there are financial, time, and sanity restrictions. Plus what the kid wants vs how it impacts them can be totally disconnected. What I observed was lots of tears over no downtime, lots of anger from feeling rushed or being told no about other fun plans “buddy, we really have to eat, shower, and go to bed. We were at soccer for 2 hours. It has to wait for tomorrow”, wavering in and out of wanting to go to practice, etc from February-June. Once school let out he enjoyed it a lot more. And insisted he wanted to do competitive next year.

Crock pot meals absolutely. We did rely a lot on sandwiches and picnics between games. But it threw off the whole family in a lot of ways.

My parents told me no to horseback riding lessons. And a nature camp I wanted to do. I didn’t get to volunteer with my friend in Africa. We weren’t poor by any means. I just had to pick activities that fit in our family’s means. I did dance, soccer, science club, guitar club, track and field, Girl Scouts, etc. I have mixed feelings. I want to be supportive, but I think being supportive is more of giving everything you can realistically give rather than what your kid asks for.

 

[darren927]

@dennisbon I get that. But he is old to say and he understands the commitment and his loss of down time. So this is that important lesson that he will need to learn. And I will to when my son starts showing an interest in 7 years. But if he says this is too much at the end of the season then that's it. If next year he wants to do it because he has friends doing it, I'd probably shoot it down he'll still have zero down time. But really discuss it with him, but doing it because it's what we want them to do is stupid and I hope we as a generation put a stop to it.

 

[goldielocks]

@dennisbon Since you said he enjoyed it more in the summer, are there any soccer camps he could sign up for next year? Seems like a good compromise - he can get more intense sports participation, but limited to the time of the year when he (and the family) have more free time.