Dating as a Single Dad is Frustrating

[rosine]

I (28M) have been single since 2018. Daughter is 9 and her mom and I separated in 2017, who has been re-married for 5 years. She’s told me she’s concerned I’ve been single for so long and that I have her “blessing” to go out and meet someone new. Like I haven’t been trying.

Majority of girls I’ve matched with on apps or talked irl have been turned away as soon as they realize I’m a dad. It’s mentioned in my bios, but most don’t read it. Some have even told me if I wasn’t so involved in my daughter’s life, they’d want to form a more serious relationship with me. I’d rather be single forever than be with someone who disrespects my daughter like that.

Even dates with single moms have become a struggle because the ones I have gone on dates have either been intimidated that my daughter is older than they’d think or that she’s special needs. Again, I don’t want to date anyone who has those viewpoints anyway, but man, I feel like the dating pool is much harder now than it was even a year ago.

I’m over being upset about having been single for so long. I’d rather be single and be in my daughter’s life than be with someone who wants nothing to do with her. But wow, it just sucks seeing my ex’s and people I know get into relationships as single parents so much easier than the experiences I’ve had. Don’t know if it’s a me problem, dating culture in general, or both.

 

[cheminsky]

@rosine You sound like an amazing dad because so many, especially your age, do not prioritize their kid as much as your prioritize your daughter. I’m a single mom of a 2 year old and am now realizing that dating as a parent is very different than dating as a single person. Finding someone who’s, first of all, ok with you having a child is hard, but then having them be ok with them not being your top priority is even harder. I’ve also been told location can affect dating

 

[kaylyn23]

@cheminsky Looks like a match has been realized here…

 

[thenewblack]

@rosine You just haven’t found the right person. I understand your frustration, and respect it. But I respect more that you’re doing the obvious right thing by your daughter. The relationships can wait if they have to. You only have your daughter in your care for so long. Keep your head up!

 

[thenewblack]

Also, tell your ex to take her blessing and go to hell.

 

[typingsound]

@rosine I can feel your pain. I'm a 43 y/o single father of 3 children. My wife and oldest daughter died in a car accident and its hard to date. I was told that I put my kids ahead of me and my own happiness. I do! My kids come first, they lost their mother and their sister. Because of this I feel they need me more than I need a woman. I just told my sister the other day I feel I would be able to have more of a dating life if I was a dead beat dad. That's the world that we are in today!

 

[shutupandrock94]

@typingsound no disrespect, just my two cents, I think you are setting yourself back when you have this mentality. It doesn't have to be a competition between your partner and your kids and yourself. you're equally human being as your kids. one day your kids will grow up and so you grow old, then they're likely off to have their separate life and what are you then? just don't start off as a competition, rather, be more acceptant to one another, there's always gonna be bad days, to you, to your partner or your kids, but just love yourself as much as your kids. Us parents have feelings of our own too. I am sure your kids want you to be happy too. Not all women can treat other man's kids as their own, and that's not a sin too. just set up your standard and boundaries on both. you spread the happiness, your kids will grow up and you shall give yourself a fair chance to find yours too.

 

[metraclarke]

@typingsound I just told my sister the other day I feel I would be able to have more of a dating life if I was a dead beat dad. That's the world that we are in today!

As a widowed Father of 3 for 11 years who actually lives this life you are living too and isn't spitballing what it might feel like to have a deceased partner and be left with children to raise, I feel your pain. I ran into the OP's challenges a lot like you did. It CAN BE FOUND but it's not easy to find.

Edit: Stick to your boundaries. I don't know what kind of support system you have but if it's anywhere near mine, with very few days off, it's a far cry from co-parenting. It's hard for WOMAN as a widow but it's definitely a 'different' experience as a man/widower. You are expected to compromise a lot and if you don't, you are 'setting yourself back' or some other crap.

Her kids (if she has any) may even be asked to be put before yours since " Not all women can treat other man's kids as their own, and that's not a sin too." I've literally ran into women like this and truthfully, just like men who feel this way about widows/single mothers, those women have NO BUSINESS dating a widower.

None. I stand on that.

Hang in there man. Good luck to you.

 

[katrina2017]

@typingsound Deadbeat dads are the worst.. only dumb women go after them and end up with their lives ruined and another “baby mom” to that bum. I would love to meet another single dad who has full custody, that way his money won’t be flying off elsewhere and stay within the family and helping his family he has !!!!! It’s rare to find such men (with full custody). I’m sorry for your loss!

 

[ta_dah]

@typingsound You need to put yourself as #1. If you don't do that and you're unhappy, you're no role model for your kids, who will be over joyed when they see you happy with someone else.

 

[joe14]

@rosine As a single mom of three that co-parents with my ex, I find it hard to date too. I think it’s all kinds of factors. Location, dating pool, hell even some peoples values are just not what they used to be. It does feel harder. You aren’t alone in this struggle.

 

[gerryspeck]

@rosine It's crazy, I'm a Single Father of 2 and have my kids most of the time. Dating as a Single Father is so hard especially in the Dating app world.

 

[katrina2017]

@gerryspeck Lower your standards then.

 

[gerryspeck]

@katrina2017 Why would I show my Daughters its ok to just find someone to find someone? I raise my kids better then thst or they will end up with one of the many scumbags out there.

 

[lovinggodlovingpeople]

@gerryspeck You go dad! Those girls are lucky to have you setting an example for them!

 

[gerryspeck]

@lovinggodlovingpeople Thanks!!!!

 

[theodor98]

@gerryspeck

Thanks!!!!

You're welcome!

 

[pmjordan]

@rosine Need a dating/friendship app specifically for single parents so much !!

 

[hiltopp]

@pmjordan Try Stir

 

[aspeck]

@hiltopp It’s garbage