Daddy sleeping in

[nessofonett05]

What do we think of this? My husband has sleep apnea and believes he needs tons of sleep.
(He does wear the cpap and has for years . He also has always been a high needs sleeper).
He goes to bed at 9:30pm. On weekdays he comes out of his room at 6:45am.
On the weekends, he will come out of the bedroom between 7-7:30am, then want to eat breakfast without being bothered by our toddler. I’ve been up with the toddler since either 5:45-6:15am.

What do we think of this arrangement?

I’m also pregnant with baby 2 so I think something will have to change soon.

EDIT: I feel like I should say that my husband does a lot around the house in other areas not related to sleep. He does 75% of cooking (he cooks m/w/f/s) and pretty much all cleaning , dishes, laundry for the home (I do my own laundry), and drives our son to daycare.

 

[spantax]

@nessofonett05 In our house, Daddy sleeps in one morning and Mommy gets the other morning.

Sleep apnea is really rough, feeling exhausted all the time. Is he getting treatment for it (breathing machine, exercise to lose weight, etc)? Does he have a physically exhausting job or not get enough sleep during the week?

Perhaps if Daddy gets the peaceful mornings while Mommy deals with the toddler, then Mommy can get the peaceful evenings while Daddy puts the toddler to bed.

Communicate and negotiate.

 

[maryanna1]

@spantax Yes! I sleep in on Saturdays, he sleeps in on Sundays. Usually the one awake will leave the house with the kiddo to get breakfast or play somewhere or something - allowing the sleeper to get a REAL lie in (instead of trying to sleep over kid cacophony).

 

[nessofonett05]

@spantax Thanks. He has been seen for his apnea. I think he just always been high needs sleeper. But I think some sort of negotiation will have to happen for when baby 2 joins us.

 

[lostgirlsp]

@nessofonett05 The negotiations should take place before baby no 2 joins the family. Tensions will be high when you are both sleep deprived. If he drinks or smokes I think that really contributes - if he could quit it would make a big impact. Also, the cpap machine does really help.

 

[chriver]

@nessofonett05 I am also a high needs sleeper. I have not gotten enough sleep since my kids were born 5+ years ago. if he IS being able to get enough sleep, then he needs to give you time to go take a nap during the day while he takes one/both kids since he is presumably fully rested.

then want to eat breakfast without being bothered by our toddler.

He can't have everything. He can't get a full nights rest (and im assuming you do any/all night wakings) AND also get to eat in peace with no kids around. He has kids, he can't live life like he doesn't. Sometimes he won't get a full nights sleep - my kids are 5 and 3, and last night my 3yo was up basically every hour. I'm exhausted. That's part of the life. It needs to be a balance - you need to have nights when you get a full night sleep and he doesn't. Or work something out - my husband sleeps in more than I do because he is more affected by lack of sleep than I am, so he sleeps until 7 or 8 and then he takes the kids and I get a break when he wakes up because I physically cannot sleep in. Figure out what works for you on that one.

 

[booklady]

@nessofonett05 A cpap can be life changing. My dad refused it for many years out of pride. The day after he got it he couldn’t shut up about how great it was. That was decades ago. He still can’t shut up about how great it is lol

 

[mdnich]

@booklady A CPAP was a deal breaker for me to move in with my husband when we were dating. It's not just about the person with apnea, the person sleeping with them deserves decent sleep 1000%

 

[rob85262]

@mdnich The CPAP saved my marriage. My husband was grumpy all the time, did shit all, constantly tried to sleep in until noon, and kept me up all night with his snoring/not breathing. The sleep study tech allegedly said “your wife must be a saint” for putting up with his snoring.

 

[argem17]

@rob85262 Same. My husband is 2 weeks in and he is nearly 100% better than before. He has napped without his machine and says he feels like crap without it. Apparently my husband would wake 60 times a night. Took 3 years and 2 babies for him to finally be convinced to see a doctor about his snoring.

 

[rob85262]

@argem17 Right!? The sleep study was inconvenient….but mostly for the person staying home with the 3 kids, me.

 

[kievonn]

@booklady Op said he has had one for years

 

[harttysoul]

@spantax This is exactly what we do!! My husband wasn’t a fan of it at first but I made a fuss and now we’ve been doing it for a while and it’s a great system! It does change depending on what we have going on for the week or if he’s working a lot or he occasionally works night. But it’s a great system that we both are happy with now.

 

[paparazi257]

@spantax This is how we do it. Sleeping in or not, one of us gets a lazy Saturday morning til 10 am and the other gets Sunday. It works well for us.

 

[alex_alex]

@nessofonett05 I can’t speak to the medical need but I think wanting to eat breakfast without being bothered by the toddler is a problem to address. Like yeah, we all want things, but we’re parents. I think that needs to be taken off the table. That’s not related to his apnea.

 

[caxyxn]

@alex_alex That jumped out to me as the issue. Like if needing sleep is a medical need and OP can accommodate that, sure, but as soon as her husband wakes up, he should be taking the toddler.

 

[bettyperson]

@alex_alex Oh my gosh. Yes. My husband is always complaining about not getting what we wants.

Ex. He wants to take a 30 minute shower when we are on vacation and we need to go find food to feed the kid. This is after a 30 minute shit and doing f*** all to get himself or the kid ready while I’m trying to look/plan/follow the kid around/do anything but shit and avoid us. That’s after a 10 hours of sleep night while it took me 3 hours to get the kid to go to sleep and then 3 wake ups that he did exactly zero of.

Well I’d like to take a shower at all but I got 4 hours of sleep and been chasing the kid all morning while trying to get everyone out the door for food before the 3 year old becomes hangry. But yes, let’s let you complain about how you can’t take a 30 minute shower.

I hate him sometimes.

 

[jesuslover20021234]

@bettyperson Wasband refused to acknowledge any schedule except his own. He's still a controlling jackarse but not in my home.

 

[bettyperson]

@jesuslover20021234 Believe me it’s something on my mind. It’s not feasible right now but I want to…

 

[chris3210]

@bettyperson I hope you are able to find the means to because reading your comment made me so angry on your behalf. Sure, mine takes 30 min bathroom breaks and maybe a longer shower here and there but he does more than his fair share of parenting and has always been a high-touch planner for trips and vacations.

Your husband seems to want to take mini vacations from the family and just like.. why tho. (Rhetorical question. My answer is: he’s a jerk — probably an oversimplification but either way, you don’t deserve that shit and he should grow up.)