Christmas gifts for coparent that you don’t actually like

[sabrinawellard]

Does anyone else have a coparenting relationship where you’re friendly on a surface level/amicable for the kids sake ONLY? Under the surface, I still can’t get past the horrible things they’ve done. If I weren’t legally obligated because of the children, there would be no contact at all.

Yet every year I feel obligated to buy a gift for them and whoever they’re dating at the moment. Maybe it’s because of the friendly facade, maybe it’s because of all these social media posts like “make a gift for my kids bio/step/whatever with me” and seeing everyone else have these healthy coparenting relationships that I feel pressured to. Maybe it’s out of my love for my children, but then I wonder if they’ll really be traumatized if I don’t send gifts to coparents house on Christmas? I doubt they would be.

Maybe I’m a bad person for caring about it, or maybe I’m normal and all these tiktok coparents aren’t actually besties too. Either way I’ll still take my kids shopping, wrap up the gifts and fake more niceties when dropping them off. I really really look forward to not having to see the person I dislike most in this world on Christmas every year one day.

 

[astrid90]

@sabrinawellard A small gift that the kid picks out, yes. Something from you to your ex? Absolutely not.

 

[nguyencuong9102]

@sabrinawellard I do not buy a gift for my coparent. Definitely not necessary

 

[vanhiep240594]

@sabrinawellard If it were not for the sake of the kids, I wouldn’t even send a card. Once the kids are grown, I expect to only see or hear from the ex at weddings and major life events for our children.

That said…

Our kids are really invested in gifting their mother, so I let them choose something (within reason) each year. We choose something, and we wrap the gifts together, and we share together the experience of giving. That to me is worth the actual expense as well as the emotional cost of having to think charitably about someone who has done me so much harm over the years.

But I do look forward to the final time I’ll have to do that. Not gifting my ex will be a great gift to myself.

 

[rylick]

@sabrinawellard I let the kids guide it: since our divorce nearly 8 years ago, they always wanted to buy a gift for their other parent and his SO. So while shopping for other family members, we’d pick something up for them, too. It’s typically something pretty small/cheap, but the kids get excited that it’s something they picked out. You’re not a bad person at all for not doing it and/or not caring about it. What works for some doesn’t work for others.