@roseforchrist I experienced something like this when a close childless friend kept asking how come my baby didn’t sleep through the night (whereas another friend of ours’ younger baby did)saying things like “it’s not normal. I finally told her how hurtful it was and to make her understand cause she’s fat, I said “it’s like being constantly asked how your weight loss is going and how come you aren’t succeeding, you only need to want to, everybody knows it’s simple, calories in/out, and they keep on asking every single time they see you whereas you are trapped in a nightmare and you re doing your very best just to survive each day”. She shut up after that. I’m just saying, comparisons can be powerful. I would say “tell her to stop” but I’m sure you have tried that, so maybe you can find something that will resonate with her more strongly? Childless people get offended when you tell them they can’t understand because they don’t have kids.
@libbyhayden I'm so sorry you had to experience that, I think I'll have to give that a go. She's mostly very supportive but this all stems from when her husband moved the goal posts (he promised once she started a new teaching job they'd try, and now he's in it he said he wants to wait until they buy a house which is understandable but I think she's trying to live through us till she gets what she wants)
Your right in that she doesn't like being told she doesn't understand. She's babysat her cousins twins since they were babies (now 10) so she thinks she's an expert on all things babies and children - quickly came unstuck when she babysat my son and realised all of the things that worked with the twins didn't work with him (even though we told her multiple times it wouldn't).
@roseforchrist I hate it when people talk about having a kid like it's a pokemon to be added to your collection. "Gotta have 'em all", as if the one they already have isn't good enough for them. I can't understand the reasoning. You're right on this, not your friend, it's way better to take good care of one, than to be lost and helpless with two or more.
@roseforchrist I was an only child and, contrary to what research typically suggests, I never lamented my lack of a sibling. I was a private kid who liked having control over my things and spaces. I used to think how awful it would be to have a brother or sister butting in or breaking my things or trying to get me in trouble with my parents (as my two nephews are constantly trying to do to one another).
As a parent of an only child now, I can only picture him having the same mindset as he grows up. Maybe he won't, but it doesn't matter anyway. This kid took 5 years of trying and multiple miscarriages to exist, and I'm pretty much out of ammo according to tests I've had done (and my wife and I are pushing 40 anyway, which is a no-no for having kids unless you have no choice).
@katrina2017 Its actually really nice to hear you had such a positive experience being an only child. My partner is an only child and often says how lonely he was, which does make me worry about our son and if he'll truly be happy.
But, just like you, we also had trouble conceiving. 5 years of trying, two miscarriages - one of which ended as an ectopic pregnancy. I know that isn't as bad as some women, but it took a lot out me mentally and physically. I'm still in my 20s, so people keep telling me that there's still time for another, but if it took me 2 horrifically failed pregnancies to get 1, why would I want to go through that again?
