@priyana15 Thissss. Also Jesus if I had to choose one or the other I would MUCH rather regret not having a child.
Childless friend keeps telling me I’ll regret not having two
- Thread starter roseforchrist
- Start date
raffadalbo
New member
@roseforchrist Oh man, I feel you! I worry that a second would break me. It’s soooo frustrating having people tell me over and over again “you don’t know it’ll be that bad next time!” And I reply “I also don’t know if it will be worse..” I think, for some reason, people find the idea of not being obsessed with motherhood offensive. Or incomprehensible. Maybe they’re just mad we can admit that sometimes children’s aren’t worth it.
@roseforchrist Doesn't sound like a best friend to me.
chuckman0323
New member
@roseforchrist Isn't dealing with a husband the same thing as having a 2nd child?
(Totally kidding...sorry husbands!)
(Totally kidding...sorry husbands!)
stargreen808
New member
@roseforchrist Sorry your friend isn’t listening. It sounds like she’s making something that’s about you all about her instead. Maybe try some of these on for size:
“Oh, I don’t discuss family planning with anyone but my husband.”
“This isn’t a topic I’m willing to discuss anymore.”
“I see you really want to talk about this, but I’ve already told you this topic is off limits with me.”
“Can we change the subject, or do I need to go?”
“Oh, I don’t discuss family planning with anyone but my husband.”
“This isn’t a topic I’m willing to discuss anymore.”
“I see you really want to talk about this, but I’ve already told you this topic is off limits with me.”
“Can we change the subject, or do I need to go?”
vividrichard
New member
@roseforchrist I think she is pushing this because her husband won’t let them have kids until later and she is hoping you will get pregnant again so she can share the pregnancy lexperience with you when she gets pregnant.
A lot of my girl friends want to be pregnant at the same time as others so they can share the experience.
I found this out because my husband and I got pregnant and 2 more of my friends also happened to get pregnant at the same time. This was 100% a happy coincidence but now I get asked if I’m going to have a second kid because my friends who didn’t get to experience being pregnant with friends want to.
Sounds crazy but it’s true!
((Edit to say that of course you are valid in only having one! Just wanted to suggest a reasoning behind her intense behavior. I had to draw hard boundaries with some of my friends who wanted me to have 2 and one even cried when she realized I was serious about not getting pregnant again. Babies bring out a lot of emotions into people.))
A lot of my girl friends want to be pregnant at the same time as others so they can share the experience.
I found this out because my husband and I got pregnant and 2 more of my friends also happened to get pregnant at the same time. This was 100% a happy coincidence but now I get asked if I’m going to have a second kid because my friends who didn’t get to experience being pregnant with friends want to.
Sounds crazy but it’s true!
((Edit to say that of course you are valid in only having one! Just wanted to suggest a reasoning behind her intense behavior. I had to draw hard boundaries with some of my friends who wanted me to have 2 and one even cried when she realized I was serious about not getting pregnant again. Babies bring out a lot of emotions into people.))
@vividrichard One of my oldest friends has been angry and distant with me since I got pregnant, because her partner won't agree to have kids yet. It does cause intense feelings. I live in hope we'll be friends again on the other side of our 30s.
@roseforchrist Ugh. Love it when childless people tell me what’s good for my kid and me. / s.
This reminds me of when a childless (and he and his wife are actively planning on never being parents) told me I’d need a nanny for at least 30 hours a week even if I didn’t work outside of the home because I needed “me time”. I didn’t even know how to respond because how do you pack into his head all the experience he’s lacking?
This reminds me of when a childless (and he and his wife are actively planning on never being parents) told me I’d need a nanny for at least 30 hours a week even if I didn’t work outside of the home because I needed “me time”. I didn’t even know how to respond because how do you pack into his head all the experience he’s lacking?
rhemapower
New member
@roseforchrist I only have one, and I am very tired of hearing I’ll regret it. I didn’t have a rough pregnancy, I was just so tired. My little is almost nine months, and it’s such fun with her despite it being solely me because my dear husband works. I don’t want to tempt fate and hate my next pregnancy and birth, but simply, I just don’t want to. We have the right to that because, unlike what everyone else seems to think, we have control over our bodies. Do what’s best for you and do what’s best for your child, because they sense it now, and they will appreciate it later.
katrina2017
New member
@roseforchrist Tell her that she's just parroting crap she's heard and she'll realize what an obnoxious thing she's done once she has one of her own
operatoractual
New member
@roseforchrist I grew up an only child. My mom doesn't regret shit. I haven't fully decided if I'm going to have more. Probably not. But uh no. Two kids is two times the stress
@roseforchrist Tell her exactly this. If she's a friend, she will stop.
dukemichael93
New member
@roseforchrist Honestly, you are a better person than me. My reaction would be to ask why I would regret it? And just put that person on the defensive for a while. Or, to say you were expecting her to have one so yours would have a playmate (if that is her concern). But, that is me and my reaction after people badgering me about what they have decided is good for me. You could also just firmly say, for my health and well-being so I can be there for my child, this is what I need to do. Please feel free to make a different choice with your life. And I totally agree with being firm that the matter is closed. Sounds like you need help and support, not unasked for advice that isn’t helpful and doesn’t take into account your actual situation. Good luck!
katrina2017
New member
@roseforchrist That’s exactly why we chose to be OAD. Although we both have loving families we don’t live near them and did everything on our own. It was definitely hard but I just always told myself “things won’t always be like this”. Our son is almost 12 and things get easier, in certain ways. I couldn’t imagine starting any of that process over again at any point. People will say whatever but they’re not the ones living your life. It might be worth it to mention to your friend that you would really appreciate if they would stop saying these things. Every life is different and people need to stop thinking they can speak for others on this topic.
childofgod43
New member
@roseforchrist In the small group of parents that I got to know through a birth class while pregnant, the only 2 people who want more (one has had another, another is actively trying and battling infertility issues) are the two women in that group who have a HUGE social network of family members, actively participating grandparents, are independently wealthy, and have FULL TIME childcare, and have put their babies into childcare full time since they were 3 months old when their maternity leave was done.
I can tell you that I would have slightly considered having another one if my family were financially stable, I had someone outside of my husband and I to watch our daughter during work hours, and a dual income, while having four actively helping grandparents and possibly even siblings or cousins who wanted to pitch in? Dang, that sounds like it would be a breeze to have another.
I can tell you that I would have slightly considered having another one if my family were financially stable, I had someone outside of my husband and I to watch our daughter during work hours, and a dual income, while having four actively helping grandparents and possibly even siblings or cousins who wanted to pitch in? Dang, that sounds like it would be a breeze to have another.
bcraig_6973
New member
@roseforchrist Before I had my baby I was like yes I get to be sahm for few years and do stuff with my child. Sahm of 5 months I pooped while holding her lol. She is going through a I need to see you there phrase .
That aside I will tell you friend” hey you won’t change my mind at all. This is a personal choice that my family and I made together. Since we don’t agree and this is about my body / family, let’s not discuss this ever again. If I change my
Mind or need your opinion on it later on I will bring it up. Agree to disagree and Let’s move the topic to something more positive “
That aside I will tell you friend” hey you won’t change my mind at all. This is a personal choice that my family and I made together. Since we don’t agree and this is about my body / family, let’s not discuss this ever again. If I change my
Mind or need your opinion on it later on I will bring it up. Agree to disagree and Let’s move the topic to something more positive “
@roseforchrist Yea motherhood looks like sunshine and rainbows when you’re childless and wanting kids. I too wanted multiple kids before having my daughter. No one really ever prepared me for what it really was like having a child. That being said, I might have told someone they might want another before ever having one myself. I was naive and didn’t really understand how those types of statements can be hurtful or annoying because you really never know what someone goes through when they have kids.
lucyfursangel616
New member
@roseforchrist My mental health was not okay (postpartum or for years). My argument ender is “Which does a child need more; a sibling, or their mom?”
@roseforchrist Tell your friend that they are welcome to move into your home to help raise #2 they so desperately want. I said that to my mom and she stopped bringing it up. Hope it works for you.