Check out this thread to read how difficult 1 to 2 really is

[warmonkey]

@robnox This happened to my doctor. She said one was the sweet spot. They decided to have the second and it turned out to be a pair.

 

[solaymend]

@aforgivenman Yes that’s why I don’t trust people when they say they’re glad they had more kids (as a reason for me to have another).

It’s really hard to get an objective perspective when the child already exists. I don’t know anyone who would wish their child, whom they already know and love, out of existence. So of course they don’t regret it.

But if they could go back in time, before that child even existed… maybe not having another would have been the better choice.

 

[dianne46]

@aforgivenman My brother openly admits he would have preferred to stick to only one child and regrets giving in to his wife's pleas. He obviously says he doesn't regret the child themselves and that he loves them, but he wishes he had stopped at one.

 

[servewithlove]

I think some of the most eye opening comments in that thread are the dads talking about the toll a second kid took on their marriage. Some of the marriages became worse and others ended in divorce. I can see how that can happen as there's stressful moments with 1 kid let alone two. If my wife and I had less time for each other, less time for ourselves, and more stress that comes with 2 kids it would easily stress our marriage to it's max.

 

[keyslammer]

@servewithlove A big predictor of divorce is having 2 under 2 (or two kids with really close ages). There have been a few studies on this.

 

[littlefox]

@servewithlove Oh my god this thread outlines my nightmares. Honestly I’ve been on the pill since my baby was born (waiting for vasectomy) but I think I may just get a copper IUD after reading that.

 

[diamondp]

@littlefox Yup! I got an IUD inserted 3 months after giving birth to my only. As soon as I had him, it was a hell no on a second lol

 

[gabulldawg15]

@servewithlove Sounds like hell

 

[jtruth]

@servewithlove My read is that a lot of people complaining are the ones with pretty tight age gaps. It seems that people with 4+ years seem a lot happier and saying that actually their first was independent already so not so bad..

 

[thunderchow]

@jtruth Back on the fence I go, since we'd always said we'd have at least a 4 year age gap before my husband started suggesting OAD mid pregnancy...

 

[987abc]

@servewithlove I literally just saw a mom post this on insta reels . That the transition from 1-2 is harder than 0-1

 

[ashiedu]

@servewithlove This was really helpful. I just still can fathom having more than one. We all just go the coughing/cold/flu bug and it hit me and my son the hardest. I couldn’t go into work today because I was so sick which I never miss due to finances.

 

[servewithlove]

@ashiedu Sorry to hear that, hope you all feel better soon. Yeah the whole sickness issue is another reason for me wanting to be one and done. With two kids it's twice the sickness and siblings can spread illnesses back and forth. One finally get's healthy and then the next one get's sick...

 

[ashiedu]

@servewithlove Thank you! Im hoping we all get better soon

 

[delarhymes]

@servewithlove I didn’t quite pick up what exactly you were talking about at first and thought you meant age and started freaking out bc my baby is just about to turn one and be in the 1-2 year age range LOL

 

[nathan_r]

@servewithlove So just wanted to say this, but that Reddit thread is almost the opposite of what I hear my friends saying with 2 kids in real life. That does not change my OAD stance because even if the second child was “easier”, I still do not want it. However, don’t make a life decision based on what a single Reddit thread says. I know a lot of two child families that are genuinely thriving right now, even if that still means I’m OAD by choice.

 

[natalijaasbj]

@nathan_r Yeah I think it varies a lot by family, and the ones it goes poorly for are the ones most likely to respond.

 

[rdhanes]

@servewithlove I'm going to bookmark that thread just in case I ever feel regret about getting a vasectomy. Holy crap am I ever glad to have an only child.

 

[abraham7777]

@servewithlove The comments about how you have to wait a few years until the 2 can entertain each other made me cringe. My husband and his older brother are two years apart but his brother has been a narcissistic bully since birth - he's the reason their family had to cut vacations short or my husband couldn't have a nice toy because his older brother would just destroy it. My husband is sometimes resentful at how his parents spent so much energy managing their awful eldest that they basically ignored their other two kids.

They're in their 40s now and the brother is still awful. Definitely NOT a "best friend for life."