@deanerenata32 Go to planned parenthood (if available in your area) and get the implant for your daughter. Get the hpv vaccine and get her the free condoms they’ll offer.
I recently took my 15 year old niece after she came to me and said she probably needs birth control. It was a super positive experience and I know she protected from an unplanned pregnancy.
They’re going to have sex and there’s nothing we as adults can say will change that. Providing your daughter with the ability to keep herself safe is awesome parenting. Keep up the good work dad!
@deanerenata32 Due to the fact that your daughter is underage, I feel that you should have advised her tell her mother. Or said that you would tell her. (Unless you feel this would endanger your daughter in some way eg. She would get hurt/hit/abused by her mother).
@prodigalheart I told daughter that mom needs to know. She said she was going to tell her but she was afraid mom was going to yell at her, ground her, guilt trip her, or otherwise turn it into a punishment. But she said she was working up to it.
@deanerenata32 You did the right thing! She was probably going to do it regardless and now she was at least safe about it. She is getting safe information from you versus getting what could potentially be very unsafe information from her friends or porn. She is lucky to have you and it’s amazing that she is honest with you about it all.
@deanerenata32 Ehhh, mom is just upset (probably at multiple things in the scenario) and directing it towards an ex. I mean, what did she think you were implying when you called about the birth control pills? Obviously we only know your side — but sounds like she was in denial.
@deanerenata32 Teens and very much of anything is a recipe for things going sideways. I second this about redundancies for birth control. You may even want to have a talk about what would happen IF she got pregnant as well. How would she look after the baby and finish school. How earning potential drops through the basement (all in 14yo terms) and with that her life choices narrow considerably.
Which leads me to think that perhaps the mother realizes she may be on the hook to care for another baby if daughter gets pregnant.
@deanerenata32 Your kid trusted you enough to ask for help with getting protection. You would have broken that trust if you had talked to your ex about it.
Does your ex *really* think that you would have stopped the teenagers from having sex by denying them condoms? Because the evidence of many years suggests that the only thing that would have been different is that they would have been less likely to have reliable protection. They might have tried to depend on "pull out" as a form of birth control, which is generally not super effective.
You're a good dad. You did the right thing. Your ex is delusional.
@deanerenata32 Monday morning QBing but I guess you could have had a conversation with your ex when you learned about this. I guess it depends on how well you still get along or if you have the same beliefs.
My son is 14 and my daughter is 12 so this day will be here before I know. Maybe I don’t want to know.
@sandgroper101 Suppose that OP talked with his ex, and his ex said, "no, absolutely not, do not give condoms to our daughter." Then what?
I think OP probably threaded the needle better by setting himself up to ask forgiveness rather than asking permission.
Edited to add: I know it is scary to think about your own kids having sex, but they are absolutely going to do it at some point. Your choice isn't whether they do or not, but whether you are there to give them support in protecting themselves or not. And whether they trust you, later, if they do get into trouble.
@deanerenata32 Good job, Dad. Ex is likely most upset that daughter came to you to confide in, should instead be grateful that daughter feels open and honest w one of you. Keep the lines of communication open w daughter, keep reinforcing the consequences of pregnancy and promoting safety.
