Careers: Don't leave before you leave

[pranontheme]

SO, I was in another thread talking to someone about careers and how we weren't sure how to manage some big projects and opportunities in the 1-2 years horizon at work. It reminded me of some advice I heard years ago and thought if it stuck with me so much, maybe it might speak to some of you ladies.

In full disclosure, it's from Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg, which since it came out in 2013, had it's highs where everyone loved it and then for some reason, everyone decided they hated it a few years later. It's only one version of advice and it's not one-size-fits-all, but the clip I'm sharing below I think might really helpful to many of us here.

The main idea of this clip is that we take our foot off the gas pedal when we're thinking about having kids. We make career choices knowing we are planning to start a family soon, except who knows how long that's going to take? Maybe it's because we're worried that new job is so hard and time-intensive, except after you do it for a year it won't be so bad... or we feel professional guilt about being put on projects when in theory you may have to step out of them a year later. Whatever the reason, so many of us do it w/o thinking and then make very real career sacrifices we don't even realize we're making.

So, considering everyone here is WTT, don't let WTT get in the way of your careers by accident!

-- (Only 2 min long)

 

[jesusrawkz]

@pranontheme Thanks, I needed to hear this.

I'm on the tail end of finishing a course I've been studying for the past 1.5 years and a job opportunity has come up. They're notoriously hard to come by in this industry, especially towards the end of the year.

I was thinking of leaving it until after kids came along because of all those reasons... "What if I get this job and I fall pregnant straight away, they would be so disappointed in me"

I'm going to give it a go!

 

[pranontheme]

@jesusrawkz Do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[cmfsd]

@pranontheme I really needed this advice today! There’s an open position that would be a step up into a management role (which I want) but knowing that we want to try in May I was thinking of not applying because it would be tough the first year with new responsibilities...but it would also be more money!

So I’m going to apply!!

Related to the book: one time at a meeting I was really tired and sat on the perimeter of the room and other people at the meeting were encouraging me to sit at the table because there was room and I made a joke saying “oh that’s okay, I’m leaning out today” - but no one got the reference! And I had to explain it which made me sound like a lazy slacker I still think it’s a pretty good joke!

 

[pranontheme]

@cmfsd There's no version of a new-parent story where more-money isn't a wonderful thing. Have you SEEN the price of daycare?

My husband and I are straddling WTT and TFAB...starting next month, but we're making a point to kill it at work now. The raises we're working for we joke "pay for baby"...except it's totally true and not much of a joke.

 

[matteus4god]

@pranontheme The reason people "hate" it is because it told women to change what they were doing, start to act like men, instead of asking men to lean out/be more like women.

There's a happy medium - be heard, ask for what you deserve, don't be out til you're out etc etc while also telling men to go home to their kids/pick up more of their share of housework, lean out and listen, pick women for projects they deserve etc etc.

 

[pranontheme]

@matteus4god I'm aware of the criticisms. I wanted to acknowledge her book/advice isn't' one-size-fits-all, but this particular piece may be very useful to some women here.

 

[prettysouthern]

@pranontheme I think there is some excellent points here, but honestly the last minute or so I personally think is the most important: we all have a choice. Sometimes the choices seem super limited, sometimes the choice is just your perspective/attitude, but we all have a choice, and nobody can take that away from us.

It can be hard to separate what choice is truly ours and what was heavily influenced by others—parents, society etc, or what is considered “normal”. You really have to understand yourself and what would make you happy. And you’re not always going to make the “right” choice. But it’s yours to ultimately make!

 

[pranontheme]

@prettysouthern Absolutely!

 

[marcusg10]

@pranontheme I like this. Thank you.

I go through periods where I'd love to start a family and then I go through periods where it terrifies me because it seems like it would destroy my career aspirations.

I have a steady career in a good field, but I'm also a writer who does stand up and sketch comedy. Ultimately, I'd love to do something with my writing. That takes sacrifices, including possibly moving to a much more expensive city. Part of me believes that if I don't "make it" before I have kids, I never will and I will always be unfulfilled. My husband has similar aspirations with his music. Sometimes I step back from my writing and performing, thinking that throwing myself into it too drastically would make the heartbreak even worse when I realize I can't do it forever. But I know that fear will just keep me from doing my best.

A professor I admire once told me "if someone tells you that you HAVE to do something a certain way in life, they're probably wrong." That's stuck with me. I got cancer at 26 (in remission now) right after finishing grad school and realized that the strict timelines and "have-tos" I thought existed as an undergrad are total bunk. Sure, have a plan, but don't put the breaks on your life because you think things have to be a certain way. I just watched my childhood best friend, who is an attorney, have her second child at the age of 28 and then almost immediately get offered a promotion that no one her age has ever been offered in her department. She's such an inspiration as far as children/career goals go.

 

[aspirational]

@pranontheme As others have said, I really really needed to hear this at this exact moment. Thank you for sharing!!

 

[angeleyescj]

@pranontheme Well I needed this about five months ago haha oh well

 

[annee]

@pranontheme Awesome post, I am dealing with this right now. Its scary but Im just going to keep pushing through, i have the support at home, im just not sure what pushing through looks like right now.