Anyone in constant state of disbelief or shock that it's taking this long?

drobbyb

New member
I remember on cycle 1, I had fully convinced myself it worked. I had quite the appetite, some nausea, bigger boobs, and overall just felt. It had to be it, I'd never felt that way before! Boom, period. Ok fine, obviously let's keep trying this was just the first time. By month 6, I'm like...ok....what gives? Is something wrong? Maybe we didn't time it correctly, we should be more strict, let's continue to do every other day no matter what. Cycle 8....nothing still, deep levels of frustrations and failure, but it's ok in addition to every other day, I'll do OPKs and BBT. Got it now we've narrowed it down, we've got this! Failure, after failure, after failure. That's ok...I'll go see a doctor, see what he says. I've got a period like clockwork, am healthy, maybe we aren't doing this right. Everything looks good by the doctor! Ok great that's exciting, nothing is wrong, let's keep going! More failures. I've never had a late period, or even gone so far as to be able to test. Ok fine, let's try this Clomid/Letrazole timed IC, this will be great, they can confirm if eggs are mature and about when I'll ovulate so I can match my OPKs and BBT. Big plus, chance of multiples! Now I can really get a chance at catching up to the vision we had for our family without feeling like time was lost. Same thing, failure after failure, always on the dot.

Now on cycle 16...at this point, I don't trust my body, my brain, or myself at all. That glimmer of hope of motivation to move towards something great as died. Our hopes and dreams, gone. I've never seen a positive in my life. Is this even possible for me? Will I ever? At this point, I cannot imagine a world where this dream of ours will come true. I'm truly in shock, disbelief, denial. How could something like this happen to anyone? We've been told to protect because it's so easy to get pregnant, but it hardly feels that way at all. We're told to put your career first, then start a family. Was that why, am I being punished, or did I wait too late?

Brought to you by cramping, a temp drop, and a BFN this morning. Welcome, Aunt F***.
 
@drobbyb I feel this so much “why am I being punished” 😭 after 12 cycles we finally got pregnant, only to have a miscarriage at 18 weeks. Now we’re back at square one. What a cruel thing, no one should ever have to go through this. Sending you a big hug ♥️
 
@apaulo I’m so sorry for your loss. We have the reverse situation that we got pregnant straight away, miscarried at 16 weeks and now over a year later we have not fallen pregnant again. It’s unfathomable how this journey turned out, our baby boy would have been 9 months old now.
 
@drobbyb I had been trying for two years, me and my husband and I were going to start IVF in June. Scan found a thick uterine lining. Now, I've been diagnosed with uterine cancer, and I've got to have a total hysterectomy. I'm only 34. Life is shit. Hope you get your baby soon 😘
 
@drobbyb Yeah, it's awful. My best friend will also be giving birth the same month I'm having my womb removed. Fortunately, they think they've caught it really early, but my whole life has been turned upside down within four weeks. Life is so bloody unfair sometimes!
 
@drobbyb Well, I was getting used to the fact that it probably wouldn't happen naturally, but then my hopes went up when we got accepted for IVF. I was having really painful period pains on cycle day 1, and the NHS were awful and told me it was normal to have period pains. Had a private scan and found a polyp, 2 week cancer referal, and a womb biopsy later with a doctor looking straight in my eyes saying 'I promise you it's not cancer' to a week later 'oh actually it is and you will have to have a full hysterectomy'

I'm in a world wind. Waiting for appointments, trying to plan my life, knowing in a month I'm going to see my best friend having a baby and trying to be happy for her whilst also grieving for a child I never had. Knowing I'll never know what mine and my husband's baby would look like, what it would be like. I'm pretty much in a nightmare. All I can do is take it a day at a time 😕
 
@zahrajoi Jeeezzzz...That is rough. You are so strong. I don't look up to many people in life, but you sharing what you have here...I really look up to. I know it's not easy and you may make it sound easier than it truly is, but I appreciate your approach as you are teaching me to be better, more accepting, and patient. Thank you kind stranger.
 
@drobbyb I hope you get everything you want, and I'm sure you will. Life is full of surprises, but with the help and support from each other, we can get through it. Sending you love. 💓
 
@zahrajoi I am so sorry you are going through this. Truly the only upside to this is, you caught it in time. And you are going to still be around. Just think of it this way, your guarding angel was looking out for you because you have huge milestones you still accomplish.
 
@zahrajoi That's terrible, I'm sorry to hear that. You are such a good person to wish for other's to get their baby soon 💜. I hope your operation and recovery goes well, and that you find ways to cope with your absolutely shitty situation.
 
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