Anyone else nervous about taking leave?

[none001]

My job offers a generous leave for dads, and people are generally encouraging about others taking it. It feels a little different with my team, though.

I can sense my manager’s and my senior teammate’s anxiousness about me leaving.

I’m also super anxious about leaving. I really like my job and the projects I get to work on, so taking 8 weeks away from that just sounds really hard. I probably have an unaddressed and unhealthy view on work.

I’m super excited about my son coming (less than a month!), but I’m afraid about how I’ll handle this new being in the life side of the scale of work life balance.

Any tips that other work addicts have for prepping for leave? I really wanna be present for my son and my wife during and after the leave.

EDIT: thanks everyone for your stories and advice. They were really wonderful and encouraging to read after work today. I’m still nervous, but feel much less so after y’all’s stories of each second with your kids being super worth it.

EDIT 2:
Our boy was born 2 weeks ago!

My boss and teammates are giving me space, but I’m fighting the urge to check in on work.

I’m having a blast with my new lil fella and glad I get to help my wife while she recovers. I’ve just noticed a couple of things not moving along on a couple of info sources that I forgot to delete from my phone, and it’s taking a lot of effort to resist parachuting in. I am very glad my team isn’t calling out for me though!

 

[taj]

@none001 Your job is offering leave as a benefit. You earned this and deserve it. If your job decides to treat you unfairly because you took leave, then you may have a case for wrongful termination.

I was similarly anxious and took all 12 weeks. Very toxic work environment and I was told it would set me back promote-wise. I was promoted my 3rd week back.

You'll never get the 4th trimester back, and it's the time you can take the most load off of your partner.

Take every second you can.

If they can't run without you, they need to hire more people or pay you more. Their functionality in your absence is not your responsibility.

 

[ilovejesus3]

@none001 30 years from now, you won’t remember the details of the work you are doing now, but you will remember the time you spent with your child. This is a no brainer.

 

[steph23]

@ilovejesus3 Great advice.

 

[jewhite95]

@none001 I’m in a senior leadership role and it’s really difficult for me to step away without things falling apart. I manage teams in Europe and Australia so I have an unhealthy work life balance too.

I’m currently in week 2 of my leave and I can’t tell you how liberating it feels. All the things the stressed me out have melted away. Those problems will be there when I get back and they seem so insignificant now. I’m living in the present now and you won’t really know what it’s like until you experience it for yourself. Oh and the team didn’t fall apart without me.

One thing to consider is speaking with your manager about splitting up you leave if your partner has to return to work. For example, if she only has 8 weeks, can you spend the first 4 weeks with her, then your next 4 weeks after hers runs out. If your partner doesn’t work though then fuck it. Take the full 8 weeks off and don’t feel bad about it. You make yourself “available” for certain things but let them know you’re not actively monitoring all emails.

 

[paidiske]

@none001 Your work will still be there waiting for you when you come back. The first couple months with your newborn will never come back. You get one chance at that. Enjoy the hard earned break and your new family.

 

[labryan]

@none001 3 things. One: you will never look back in your life and say "Man I'm glad I gave up time with the kiddo so I could go back to work."

Two: Working somewhere that does not support having a family and a healthy work life balance is not worth it. Being surrounded by coworkers that put work above all else will never be healthy if you truly want a happy home life.

Two.5: If the tables were turned, the company would literally have zero hesitation and remorse in letting you go. Don't have any remorse for utilizing your benefits!

 

[goingon4him]

@none001 Some people work hard to provide for their families and give them a better life. Realistically though, younger children just want that quality time with their parents. It's important for their development and it's time you can never have back. Not really at this baby stage but as they grow, they'll certainly notice if you are always prioritising work to them.

Work will have to deal with whatever you're entitled to. Make sure you have proper handoffs in place, set boundaries and realistic timeframes for your expected absence to the team and any adjacent teams that usually contact you. Letting them know you will deal with anything you can prior, but anything with an expected date that goes close to or beyond your due date may best be handled by someone else to ensure everyone is clued up and informed.

Try to keep yourself relaxed and not overburdened. It's a stressful time and you don't want to be at high stress levels at the very beginning. Work does get harder once you have a baby to care for. It's important to learn to manage that and effectively de-stress so you aren't bringing it home.

If you got hit by a bus tomorrow, your work would be able to deal with it. They can deal with you taking time out with your new family. The best you can do now is ensure the relevant mechanisms are in place for people to be able to deal with things without you. If you are the only person responsible for key tasks that cannot wait 8 weeks, then make sure someone is trained up and has a relevant procedural document to support them while you're gone.

 

[notperfectjust4given]

@none001 I took 3 months off. I was ready to come back after that 3 months but it was well worth it

 

[ssl]

@none001 I was nervous about taking 8 weeks off. I thought I would for sure work while on leave. I’m 1 week from going back to work and I didn’t work at all. Completely stayed away from work and I’m so happy I did! You can’t get these early days back and they are amazing, wouldn’t miss them for the world

 

[katrina2017]

@none001 It’s a benefit that your employer offers you, and you should take it. If your manager didn’t do a good job planning around your absence that’s on them, not you

Be with your family, you’ll never have this time again

 

[bella007]

@none001 Lots of good advice here. Just wanted to add that, as a mom, trust me. We really need you.

 

[none001]

@bella007 Thanks for this. Yeah, I’m super stoked to help my wife so thanks for vocalizing that’ll be felt by my favorite person.

 

[afriend333]

@none001 I’m not sure how your work offers leave but if you’re not comfortable leaving for 8 weeks straight you may have the option to take 4 weeks after the birth and another 4 weeks when your wife returns to work.

 

[converedbtbojc]

@none001 Eight weeks may seem like a lot of time to be away from work, but it will be over in the blink of an eye. Do your best to hold the work/life balance line during this time period because you'll never get those first few moments with your wife and child back.

 

[zertey]

@none001 It sucks bc you have a conflicting incentive right? Want to do good for my team, want to do good for my family. My co-worker said these words that really helped me.

"Hello, as y'all know I will be taking eight weeks of earned paternity leave. During this time my work phone and work notifications will be off. I encourage everyone to work with me now to avoid any potential issues during my leave, I will be excited to return to the office in February."

This set my mindset. Jacob was off. I needed to get everything I needed from him before he left or I'd be high and dry. My manager and I actually viewed this as a good thing because we had been behind on knowledge share and it forced us to be better as a team. It's counter-intuitive that a bad employee makes themself hyper-critical to the team, a good employee spreads knowledge and shares his job with others.

Then actually do it. Turn your phone off, log out of teams, and feel the freedom my man.

 

[gbu]

@none001 I’m starting my ten weeks off parental leave in January. I’m in the construction industry so it is very rare/not as “macho” for dads to take any time off yet alone ten weeks. I’m pretty anxious about it right now and fear for my job coming back (I shouldn’t, there are laws in place to protect my job and ensure I get it back). I even talked to the wife to say maybe I should bring it down to 8 or maybe 6 weeks instead but I think I’m at a point now where I’m just looking forward to spending time with my daughter and my wife. There’s always a job somewhere else.

 

[none001]

@gbu Right? It’s really spooky. I’ve had that convo too (like can we get away with me taking 75%? Half?).

Let’s do it, though. Let’s take the whole thing.

 

[duane37]

@none001 If you think your coworkers are going to struggle without you there, imagine how bad it would be for your spouse without you!

 

[davidqaoud]

@none001 The way I justified it - you’re company offered you that perk in hiring you, just as they did 401k match potentially and health insurance. Would people pat you on the back for denying either of those benefits? Or would they call you crazy for denying money that is essentially owed? Now look at your time the same way as your other forms of compensation. Not to tough to justify it through that lens.