Anyone else nervous about taking leave?
- Thread starter none001
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- dads new dads new parents
sapientiauk
New member
@none001 At my last job, they offered six weeks leave. I was nervous so I took four weeks fully off and then another two part time. I knew that others were going to work harder with me gone, and felt that wasn’t right to do to them since I was the manager of the team.
Eight months later, I was laid off via automated email with fifteen minutes notice.
All of that is to say, your family will be there forever. Your job won’t. Take your time and enjoy it. I get what you are feeling because I felt it before, but it is the right choice.
Eight months later, I was laid off via automated email with fifteen minutes notice.
All of that is to say, your family will be there forever. Your job won’t. Take your time and enjoy it. I get what you are feeling because I felt it before, but it is the right choice.
@sapientiauk Shoot, that really sucks. I’m sorry to hear they did that to you.
@none001 If it makes you feel any better about your situation, at least you get some leave via the company. I had to buy additional PTO, and I'm only taking 2 weeks of it so I still have something for the rest of the year. There was no company sponsored paternity leave, and the state paid leave would be financially crippling(single income home).
Onto the real advice - "In 30 years the only people who will remember you working late is your family". Now apply that here, and make your family the #1 priority. Your SO will need you, your new child will need you, and you will need to focus your time on your family. It's going to be a great time in your life, and nothing can buy back that time, so I would suggest giving work a serious back seat and focus on what is best for your growing family.
Best of luck to you and have a great time with it! You got this!
Onto the real advice - "In 30 years the only people who will remember you working late is your family". Now apply that here, and make your family the #1 priority. Your SO will need you, your new child will need you, and you will need to focus your time on your family. It's going to be a great time in your life, and nothing can buy back that time, so I would suggest giving work a serious back seat and focus on what is best for your growing family.
Best of luck to you and have a great time with it! You got this!
lilmissinformed
New member
@none001 I’m sure you really like your job in part because you really like the people you work with. And you like the people you work with because they’re good people. And the good people will support you on parental leave
I had the same feeling and the day I got back after my 8 weeks it was like I never left.
I had the same feeling and the day I got back after my 8 weeks it was like I never left.
justcoolforyou
New member
@none001 Ok, I yell about this to everyone who will listen.
There is such thing as male privilege, and you should work to undo the idea that just because of someone's gender, they are better or worse at work because of it. Everyone should be assessed on their skills/abilities, not conditions of their birth.
That said - you are about to have a family and now is the time to lean into it. People LOVE a hardworking Dad. People love a man who works but also has kids. People love to hear about a new Dad who loves his kids.
There is a slight against young men in the workplace that they are perceived as less mature and distracted (they just love their videogames and cartoon shows!) but once you have a kid, suddenly you are more respectable and serious. After all... someone who can have a kid can't be a child themselves, right?
I'm telling you - I was in the process of being fired when my first child was due. I took two weeks completely no contact, and this was a huge company with a 24/7 hustle culture and before parental leave included men, and when I came back people treated me like I suddenly knew what I was talking about and was worth listening to and if I was late with something they just said "Oh, he is probably tired with a newborn at home!"
Later, when my older kids were born (and I was in a much better place professionally), I was worried because I was a key member of the team and a lot was legitimately riding on me, so I figured either everything goes tits up and that's a problem, or everything goes fine and it turns out they don't need me as much as they think. The fact of the matter is that neither really happened - they got on ok without me but also realized they really did better when I was there.
The thing is, especially with your first child, the early part is just a series of "OMG WTF AHHH" moments. It is hard, it is a shock to your system, it is a complete upheveal of your life. Its a great time to be 100% present. Take the time - its worth it, and I promise it will only enhance your career.
There is such thing as male privilege, and you should work to undo the idea that just because of someone's gender, they are better or worse at work because of it. Everyone should be assessed on their skills/abilities, not conditions of their birth.
That said - you are about to have a family and now is the time to lean into it. People LOVE a hardworking Dad. People love a man who works but also has kids. People love to hear about a new Dad who loves his kids.
There is a slight against young men in the workplace that they are perceived as less mature and distracted (they just love their videogames and cartoon shows!) but once you have a kid, suddenly you are more respectable and serious. After all... someone who can have a kid can't be a child themselves, right?
I'm telling you - I was in the process of being fired when my first child was due. I took two weeks completely no contact, and this was a huge company with a 24/7 hustle culture and before parental leave included men, and when I came back people treated me like I suddenly knew what I was talking about and was worth listening to and if I was late with something they just said "Oh, he is probably tired with a newborn at home!"
Later, when my older kids were born (and I was in a much better place professionally), I was worried because I was a key member of the team and a lot was legitimately riding on me, so I figured either everything goes tits up and that's a problem, or everything goes fine and it turns out they don't need me as much as they think. The fact of the matter is that neither really happened - they got on ok without me but also realized they really did better when I was there.
The thing is, especially with your first child, the early part is just a series of "OMG WTF AHHH" moments. It is hard, it is a shock to your system, it is a complete upheveal of your life. Its a great time to be 100% present. Take the time - its worth it, and I promise it will only enhance your career.
@bluecomet Good points here. There will be people who don't understand, or who judge, or who are jealous about the time off you can take that they couldn't (due to policy or personal circumstance). But a lot more people (and some will be the same from the group above) will remember what it's like to have a newborn.
It helps to not need the job too. Fuck your manager trying to guilt you. It's not up to them. If you want to come back from leave and quit immediately because they've disrespected you, that's fair game.
It helps to not need the job too. Fuck your manager trying to guilt you. It's not up to them. If you want to come back from leave and quit immediately because they've disrespected you, that's fair game.