@youcantsitwithus I am just finding out about this approach after implementing the eat/play/sleep routine with my almost 3mo old. I'm not sure j understand the part about changing their scenery because sometimes if I know my baby is due for a nap based on the suggested timing for his age, he will cry and fuss if he cannot go to sleep. We'll be out for a walk or in the park and sometimes the motion helps him sleep but sometimes he's inconsolable. How do you deal with something like that with this approach?
Anyone else following the Possums sleep approach?
- Thread starter youcantsitwithus
- Start date
@youcantsitwithus Hi im At my wits end...my little one is 17 weeks old (I know young) but I have my eldest who is very spirited and finding it hard to juggle the two of them. I am using huckleberry. We find his sleepy cues very hard to spot so I have purchased possums. Haven’t had a chance to read yet but I hear a lot about it being pro breastfeeding. I am combi-feeding (around 3 bottles and 3 breastfeeds a day). We generally have a wake time of 7-7:30 unless we’ve had a particularly horrendous night. He tends to wake excessively at night coupled with short naps, anywhere between 20-50 minutes. If we don’t try to put him back to sleep his mood gets excessively worse throughout the day. Very hard to stimulate him as best as I possibly can around managing house chores and during a pandemic (we are also in lockdown right now)!!! We do lots of activities at home and try to go for aT least one walk a day. Is possums mindful of bottle feeding parents and do you reckon it could help with my situation?
@youcantsitwithus We really want to start this method (8 week old son) as well, but I still have some questions that I cant find clearly (despite buying the video):
1.at night he can sleep for 5 hours easily when he's laying next to my wife. If we out him in the co-sleeper, he'll wake up within the hour (even if we put him there after falling asleep on the boob): I can't imagine this means he's had enough sleep just because he wakes up earlier in his co-sleeper.
2. Apparently wanting boob is his primary cue for both sleeping and food and cuddling. The article (pubmed) writes about parents only listening to secondary cues and that they should drop the 'sleep goggles', yet I see you writing about these sleep cues. I'm a bit confused as to which is true.
3. My baby only sleeps on my wifes boobs or in my arms. He just doesnt want to be put away to sleep in his crib/stroller/anywhere. How do I manage this?
4. Waking up at a set time with sunshine is difficult if you live in a rather northern place, we sometimes have to wait untill 9:30 untill we see the first sunshine. Does this matter?
5. Is using swaddling good or bad (I imagine good because it helps him aid in getting to sleep ie parasympathic trigger?
Thank you so much in advance!
1.at night he can sleep for 5 hours easily when he's laying next to my wife. If we out him in the co-sleeper, he'll wake up within the hour (even if we put him there after falling asleep on the boob): I can't imagine this means he's had enough sleep just because he wakes up earlier in his co-sleeper.
2. Apparently wanting boob is his primary cue for both sleeping and food and cuddling. The article (pubmed) writes about parents only listening to secondary cues and that they should drop the 'sleep goggles', yet I see you writing about these sleep cues. I'm a bit confused as to which is true.
3. My baby only sleeps on my wifes boobs or in my arms. He just doesnt want to be put away to sleep in his crib/stroller/anywhere. How do I manage this?
4. Waking up at a set time with sunshine is difficult if you live in a rather northern place, we sometimes have to wait untill 9:30 untill we see the first sunshine. Does this matter?
5. Is using swaddling good or bad (I imagine good because it helps him aid in getting to sleep ie parasympathic trigger?
Thank you so much in advance!
youcantsitwithus
New member
@rgalloza I want to preface by reminding you that your son is SO young. Technically still in what’s called the fourth trimester, so it’s very very developmentally normal (and healthy!) for him to sleep better, and more soundly when he’s near/on his mother (and you!). Her body regulates his breathing, temperature and heart rate. He feels safe, and therefore is able to sleep longer.
Regarding the sleep cues, every child is unique and again your son is still so young. You will learn to decipher his baby language in due time. I remember being VERY obsessed with sleep philosophies, tips, tricks, what’s “normal” etc. (this is how I found possums, I was doing google deep dives every night!!) and if I could go back in time, I would tell myself to take a deep breath and trust my baby. He will fall into a rhythm (you’ll see one emerge by around 6 months and really even out by 1 year). When it comes to reading your child’s cues, Possums is suggesting that you learn to decipher when your child needs more/different mental stimulation vs needs a nap.
We managed naps in those early months by baby wearing, co-napping, etc. He would also nap in the stroller on walks. Remember that this time is so fleeting, he will begin sleeping better as he grows, it is a natural part of his development. There are a lot of approaches (not encouraged in this sub) that offer ways to train your child to sleep without you. We preferred a more holistic approach, that was backed by the science of sleep and the nature of human development. We know he will eventually sleep through the night without needing to be so close. We are enjoying the cuddles and closeness while we have it.
Regarding sunshine, I think choosing a wake up time that works for your family and sticking to it is the core principle. Definitely try to get your baby into some natural light (near a window or outside for 15 or 20 minutes) as early as you can. And regarding a swaddle, it wholly depends on your child. My son wasn’t a fan, but a friend’s daughter absolutely loved it. See what works for you!
Just want to reiterate that your baby is so teeny tiny!! Trust that things will even out as he grows older, and I hope you are afforded every opportunity to go with the flow and adjust as he grows. My son is now 16 months old and very predictable (teething/leaps throw things off for a couple of days, nothing major). We wake at 7:30am, he naps for an hour and a half around 12:30 or 1pm, then bedtime at 8:30pm. He wakes up once or twice a night just to nurse and since we bedshare it's not very disruptive for any of us. We landed on this schedule by observing his natural rhythm and experimenting a bit to optimize (mostly with how much daytime sleep he needed). We still bedshare, and nurse on demand. Hope this was somewhat helpful!!
Regarding the sleep cues, every child is unique and again your son is still so young. You will learn to decipher his baby language in due time. I remember being VERY obsessed with sleep philosophies, tips, tricks, what’s “normal” etc. (this is how I found possums, I was doing google deep dives every night!!) and if I could go back in time, I would tell myself to take a deep breath and trust my baby. He will fall into a rhythm (you’ll see one emerge by around 6 months and really even out by 1 year). When it comes to reading your child’s cues, Possums is suggesting that you learn to decipher when your child needs more/different mental stimulation vs needs a nap.
We managed naps in those early months by baby wearing, co-napping, etc. He would also nap in the stroller on walks. Remember that this time is so fleeting, he will begin sleeping better as he grows, it is a natural part of his development. There are a lot of approaches (not encouraged in this sub) that offer ways to train your child to sleep without you. We preferred a more holistic approach, that was backed by the science of sleep and the nature of human development. We know he will eventually sleep through the night without needing to be so close. We are enjoying the cuddles and closeness while we have it.
Regarding sunshine, I think choosing a wake up time that works for your family and sticking to it is the core principle. Definitely try to get your baby into some natural light (near a window or outside for 15 or 20 minutes) as early as you can. And regarding a swaddle, it wholly depends on your child. My son wasn’t a fan, but a friend’s daughter absolutely loved it. See what works for you!
Just want to reiterate that your baby is so teeny tiny!! Trust that things will even out as he grows older, and I hope you are afforded every opportunity to go with the flow and adjust as he grows. My son is now 16 months old and very predictable (teething/leaps throw things off for a couple of days, nothing major). We wake at 7:30am, he naps for an hour and a half around 12:30 or 1pm, then bedtime at 8:30pm. He wakes up once or twice a night just to nurse and since we bedshare it's not very disruptive for any of us. We landed on this schedule by observing his natural rhythm and experimenting a bit to optimize (mostly with how much daytime sleep he needed). We still bedshare, and nurse on demand. Hope this was somewhat helpful!!
@youcantsitwithus Thank you for your comment! We try to do all these things as we think it's very important to follow his flow instead of forcing him in to our schedule. I really wonder how people combine this more natural flow with going back to work, since we can't bring our baby with us and he only falls/ stays asleep on us... unless things change in the next 4 weeks (4th trimester ending)?
youcantsitwithus
New member
@rgalloza I don't suspect it will change that rapidly, however I would recommend discussing your current set up with who ever will be caring for your son when you're back at work. For me, it was my mother and she's pretty comfortable with babies so she was able to get him to sleep in her own way (often he slept on her chest). I've read a lot of accounts of people who helped remind me that children are adaptable and will find a way to sleep with a caretaker that can differ from how they demand to sleep with you. Best of luck to you and yours!!
youcantsitwithus
New member
@rgalloza Oh! I think what you're asking is if he can sleep 5 hours on your wife, but 1 hour on his own, how is that "enough" sleep? And i'd say pay attention to how he is when he wakes up. If after an hour he wakes up fussy and crying, he could probably use more sleep (assisted by breastfeeding and sleeping more on you or your wife) if he wakes up cooing and content, he's probably had enough for now and will possibly nap again sooner than he would after a 5-hour stretch on your wife. Again this time will FLY by and things will quickly change, but for now just take it one day, one nap at a time. Trust that your baby will take the sleep he needs, assuming he has been stimulated during his wake times and he's fed. Best of luck!!
goodtunesftw
New member
@youcantsitwithus Yeah.... dunno what to say...
I had stumbled over the possums approach while still pregnant with my first. And it seems like the natural approach; like the most gentle approach; I was hooked. I was going to follow the approach for sleeping; I was looking for info about "gestalt breastfeeding"....I was all in
But
I believe I'm providing plenty of OUTSIDE time during the day, but
I had stumbled over the possums approach while still pregnant with my first. And it seems like the natural approach; like the most gentle approach; I was hooked. I was going to follow the approach for sleeping; I was looking for info about "gestalt breastfeeding"....I was all in
But
I believe I'm providing plenty of OUTSIDE time during the day, but
- the kiddo is generally sleeping while outside, so not getting so much stimulation
- she is getting 1 or 2 good naps outside, but if I don't bend over backwards to keep her wake windows under 1.5 hours, towards the end of the day she's a mess; crying hysterically, not latching, whatever works for soothing her normally it's not working any more
- honestly I don't believe the 15-20 min naps are enough; she wakes up with the eyes still red, fixed stare and....watery - looks like she's been crying. The problem is I've had zero success prolonging her naps, so....it is what it is. She wakes up, still sleepy and grumpy
youcantsitwithus
New member
@goodtunesftw Always go with your little one's unique cues and needs! All kids are different and, for me, it's just about having the tools to make any necessary adjustments that work for everyone.
underflip540
New member
@youcantsitwithus It's fantastic that you've found a method that aligns so well with your family's needs! Your detailed breakdown of the Possums approach is incredibly helpful and shows how tailored and adaptable it can be, responding directly to the individual cues of your child. I really appreciate your focus on the flexibility and responsiveness of the method—emphasizing maternal well-being and the importance of natural sleep cues over strict schedules. This resonates with a resource in my profile, which provides insights into nurturing both maternal health and infant sleep in harmony. It's wonderful to hear how these approaches have eased your stress and benefited your son's sleep. For those interested in similar resources that prioritize a holistic, science-based approach to sleep, I suggest checking out the link in my profile for more details!
@youcantsitwithus Hi all,
i am new to this approach and have been reading a little online about it. my two year old sleeps via nursing him, but most times he rolls off and goes to sleep a while after nursing, on his own. however, he still wakes up 3 times or so in the night, for various reasons and it results in him wanting to nurse again to go back to sleep. he is in daycare and sleeps around 1.5 hours during the day. i couldn't find much online about toddler sleep and the possums approach. anyone can break it down for me? does it advocate dropping naps at this age? do you think he will sleep better at night if he doesn't nap?
I co-sleep usually half the night. i put him down and then leave after he sleeps and then he usually wakes around 12 calling for me. so i stay the rest of the night in bed with him, but it's often wakeful and he also moves a lot so it's not very restful for me usually. we sleep trained him at 8 months and it worked but i reversed it i think, because he had separation anxiety around 18 months and i just stayed in the room overnight so here we are.
thxxxx!
i am new to this approach and have been reading a little online about it. my two year old sleeps via nursing him, but most times he rolls off and goes to sleep a while after nursing, on his own. however, he still wakes up 3 times or so in the night, for various reasons and it results in him wanting to nurse again to go back to sleep. he is in daycare and sleeps around 1.5 hours during the day. i couldn't find much online about toddler sleep and the possums approach. anyone can break it down for me? does it advocate dropping naps at this age? do you think he will sleep better at night if he doesn't nap?
I co-sleep usually half the night. i put him down and then leave after he sleeps and then he usually wakes around 12 calling for me. so i stay the rest of the night in bed with him, but it's often wakeful and he also moves a lot so it's not very restful for me usually. we sleep trained him at 8 months and it worked but i reversed it i think, because he had separation anxiety around 18 months and i just stayed in the room overnight so here we are.
thxxxx!
paphoshotels99
New member
@youcantsitwithus I just discovered the Possums approach on IG and was looking for more details about it so this is perfect, thank you! I was originally following Takingcara babies and some of it worked for us and some didn't so I'm trying out a bit of a mixed approach. How would you handle the baby waking up earlier than the wake up time that you planned? My 8m old will wake up anywhere between 5am to 8:30 am, though most often it's between 6-7:30 am. TIA!
youcantsitwithus
New member
@paphoshotels99 I did the early taking cara babies too! Glad the post helped. From my experience, I would gradually shift bedtime to later. And I would pick an ideal wake up time for your family and try to stick to it even if it just means opening all the blinds and letting the sun in. Give yourself and your little enough time to adjust and take it slow. My son’s 2 now, asleep around 9:30pm these days but wakes more like 8-8:30a even 9 on days we’re pushing it lol and we prefer that tradeoff. At this point it’s easy enough for us to wake him up earlier if we feel bedtime is going too late. Works like a charm!
brandonsample
New member
@youcantsitwithus Thinking about doing this with my 13 month old. I have a hard time getting him to nap in his crib, he usually sleeps on me or next to me on the couch. He goes down in his crib most nights, then comes into our bed after first wake up. He nurses on and off during the night, which he didn’t do as much prior to cosleeping. I would like him to sleep at least a bit longer in his bed and try for crib naps most days. I’m wondering if anyone in similar situations had success with this?
katrina2017
New member
@youcantsitwithus Ive never heard of this before! How interesting. Sounds pretty science based; does it talk about the science of why kiddos wake up so many times in the night? And how/why some kids can sleep straight through? I wonder what differences there are. My 9 month old goes to sleep easily for the most part but pops up like a zombie after an 1hr the first time, then again and then again. Its exhausting.
@youcantsitwithus Hello, I know this is an older thread however I’m wondering how the possums method went with kids who were in daycare? We’re the providers supportive? Apprehensive? Etc.
my little one is 3.5months, I’m trying to figure hour how to approach sleep that will work for us now. But also when he starts daycare at 8 months old (3days pew)
my little one is 3.5months, I’m trying to figure hour how to approach sleep that will work for us now. But also when he starts daycare at 8 months old (3days pew)
youcantsitwithus
New member
@ks777 I was very lucky in that I had support around and also covid meant everyone was home anyway.
I assume it depends on the place of care. for example my son’s preschool asks the kids if they’d like to nap (of course also taking into account their usual habits) those who do are taken to the nap room and those who do not play quietly in another room.
I assume it depends on the place of care. for example my son’s preschool asks the kids if they’d like to nap (of course also taking into account their usual habits) those who do are taken to the nap room and those who do not play quietly in another room.
@youcantsitwithus Thanks