Announcing Pregnant w 4th

C

colossal

New member
I’m currently pregnant with my fourth and we’re very happy. Having said that, I’ve been a little reluctant to announce because in this day and age and amongst the family and coworkers I interact with, people mostly have 2-3 kids and seem to have a hard time comprehending having any number of kids over 3 (or 2). Maybe they think it’s excessive or crazy, I don’t know. Even when I told people I was pregnant with the third, I got a lot of comments like “wow, so how many do you actually want” and “are you done after this”.

It feels like generally people’s thoughts immediately jump to how many kids after this baby or some weird response reflecting their mixed feeling about how crazy it is to have so many kids. It’s not always rude intentionally so I don’t want to always snap back something super aggressive. But I also don’t want to feel like I have to explain or defend myself when all I’m doing is sharing a nice piece of information about my growing family. I don’t feel like I should have to explain all my future plans, such as the potential or not potential of a fifth baby, when I’m only pregnant with this fourth one.

So basically I’m looking for any good responses/comebacks for the inevitable questions/responses when I share this exciting news. Something to shut it down, maybe along the lines of “oh you don’t need to worry about a fifth pregnancy, you’re getting ahead of yourself!”. But even that feels like I’m reassuring them that I’m done after four and I just don’t think I owe anything that explanation.

Advice welcome!
 
@colossal I felt the same way with my fourth and waited until The Bitter End before telling my parents or family. I'm even more anxious now that I'm on my 5th pregnancy. It Feels So judgy to the point that I actually have extended family believing they're all accidents even though they were planned.
 
@airamerica Yeah the judgment is obnoxious. And love that you just waited til the bitter end, think I’ll probably just end up doing that too. Funny that you have them thinking they were accidents haha!
 
@colossal You shouldn’t underestimate the value of keeping a pregnancy private between you and your partner.
We did with our last two and you quickly find out who’s really interested in you as a person.
 
@colossal Right!?
My wife and I got pregnant early into our relationship after coming out of long marriages and my brother reacted by saying, “you’ve got to be fucking joking… you’re a fucking idiot.”
My wife was in the car. This has ruined “pregnancy announcements” or “gender reveals” for me entirely. He was so unsupportive and now couldn’t even name any of my 5 kids. It’s a shame when one person ruins it for everyone isn’t it
 
@caragrace Beautiful way of saying it- our Hearts and hands are certainly full :)

I just don’t want to give anyone the satisfaction of an answer to their invasive judgy questions. I think I’m probably a bit stubborn.
 
@brisey I feel you pal. We announced our 5th and everyone began to look down the nose at us like “have they nothing better to do than just fornicate.”

Tbf two of our kids happened in Covid, and there wasn’t anything else to do than fornicate so…
 
@colossal Just wait til you have to announce #9 🤣

The most important thing I’ve found over the years is to exude happiness over the situation when telling others. Talk about how excited and happy you are and most people won’t want to be the downer. The few who do would have been rude no matter how you announced.
 
@kamonlas I like this advice a lot and agree that exuding that confident and positive attitude really helps. That’ll silence the majority of the comments of “how will you manage?!” And “yikes, I couldn’t do that…”

9! Wow! Amazing. are you done??? Haha just kidding. :)
 
@colossal was at a store with my baby and a much older lady said “your first?” I happily responded “my third!” She said “and you’re all done??” (With a tone of, surely you are all done.) I beamed and said “oh no we hope to have MANY more! As many as the Lord will give we will happily receive. 😊” She said ohhh just be careful because you never know what will happen. I said that’s true, but the Lord says he will provide and he will!! In the end she said “that’s true, I’m a testimony of that, I don’t know how but he always has.” Poor woman was a widow at 23 with two boys, so I’m sure her heart was in a good place, but in the end when she said that she’s a testimony of the Lord’s provision, I wonder if she really thought through what she said in the first place! I think people often don’t.

I also find these conversations to be further encouragement to train my kids well. Hard to give a sneer to me when I’m doing well at the grocery store with my 4 year old, 2.5 year old, and 5 month old. It’s also nice to be past the point where most people know what they’re talking about, since most stop at 2 or 3, I feel the “just you wait” crowd has thinned, because they don’t even know what 3 is like much less 4+.
 
@artosgalleries This is such a good point! The crowd of people that feel they are superior to you in knowledge and experience regarding all things pregnancy and children does start to thin out. I like thinking of it from that perspective- it’s cool to be getting over that hump.
 
@colossal No advice, just solidarity. I’m due any day now with baby #3 and people ask “if I’m done yet”. I give an honest answer - “probably but still undecided” - and have gotten a few negative responses to having a 4th. I nod and take it - I give neutral responses like “well, these are all great questions my husband and i will need to discuss before deciding if we want more” - but i wish i had the courage to tell these people off.
 
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