Am I wrong?

S

saved1970

New member
My MIL wants to go on a trip to Italy this summer with twin boys who will be almost 2 years old. She wants to go for her birthday and I really don’t want to go. All I picture is that 9 hour flight with twin two year olds and it makes my stomach turn. We went to Miami which was a two hour flight last year and it was hard then and they weren’t even both mobile yet. Not to mention the time delay once we get there and the heat with limited air condition sounds horrible. It doesn’t sound like a vacation to me at all. My partner wants to go but I’ve already expressed my concerns and he doesn’t seem happy about it. I’m the default parent so it’s always 10 x harder for me when we go out. I don’t like going many places with them right now because it just involves trying to contain them from breaking things and touching everything.

Am I wrong in saying no? I feel guilty but it’s just an inconvenience to me.
 
@saved1970 It all depends on what kind of support you will have when you land over there. We took our 15 month twins to Europe. We live In NA. And while we had fun it was hard. We had my wife sister helped us out and watch the twins for few hours in the evening which gave my wife and I an hour to hand out alone. But for the most of the day we were there taking care of them.

We were staying at an amazing house and outdoor pool where my parent live. And it was fun but it was also still a lot work.

You still have to feed them, change diapers, watch them constantly, do all the stuff you do home, just thousands of miles away from your home. We had baby proofed our house but my parents house was not so it took extra effort and energy for us to watch over them.

I have no regrets and we had amazing summer we spend two months there. But set your expectations right. This will not be like you going with your significant other alone.
 
@kkddsmith It’s only for 10 days so two for those days are spent travelling. I’m sure I’ll have some support but when we go out to family events my MIL is with her family talking and doesn’t help (which I know she doesn’t have to. It’s not her responsibility.) but it’s normally me watching and chasing them.

Also my 18 month old wakes up every two hours still and I still breastfeed lmao so add those into the mix and I’ll be even more miserable 😂
 
@saved1970 Honestly if it’s only 10 days I personally would not do it. Main reason being is that you will loose two days in traveling and the other 5 or 6 days to get rid of jet lag. I am assuming you are also in NA. Really you might get a day or two where you feel settled in over there and it will be time to go back. I love going to Europe but for us minimum is three weeks otherwise it’s just not worth the hassle .
 
@saved1970 Oh jeez, yeah, 10 days is not worth it. Essentially 8 days in Italy (because travelling is not a vacation and does not count 🤣) is not worth the struggle. If it were a month long trip or something like that then maybe, but not 8 days. I think hubby should just do this trip by himself since he clearly doesn't see how difficult it's going to be for you.
 
@saved1970 Can I just add that I hate that we have to have the “it’s my kids so I know I shouldn’t expect help” sentiment?? I live with my in laws and have to constantly say that when venting. Even as a kid, I would help people with their kids if I was around, without being asked. That being said, if someone invites you on a trip knowing you have littles, help me! Sorry I’ve been having ruffled feathers for too long about this.

That being said, I’ve learned from experience that even if people say they will help, very few actually mean it. I only do things that I feel I could handle alone if it comes down to it.
 
@saved1970 We are taking our girls to Corfu with my Mum. They will be 18 months and it's a 4 hour flight or so which is about the max I could imagine staying sane for. I'm super excited, I know it will be hard at times but I also think it will be super fun. So we are going. All this to say, I *want* to go and think it will be fun, so I'm going. You do not want to go, and you do not think it will be fun and the idea is stressing you out. So you absolutely shouldn't go because what kind of holiday is that?! How about MIL and husband take the boys to Italy and you have a staycation at home????
 
@frank3 Unfortunately that wouldn’t work because I still breastfeed. I told my husband I’m open to my going to a destination. I would feel more comfortable with a short flight. And I would actually be more excited about it.
 
@saved1970 Someone said something I’ll never forget so here it is “vacations are just parenting in a different location without all of your routines and comforts”

You most likely can’t bring everything you’d ever need or want in a scenario (you aren’t going to fly every cup / plate / water bottle that your kid may scream for) sleep will be disrupted because well when isn’t it when it’s not in their exact room, with their sound machine, blackout curtains, you name it.

Add into all that a time change, “weird” food (to 2 yr olds) and limited air conditioning and NO, don’t sign me up 😂😂

I would protect my sanity at all costs. And I hear you, it’s 10x harder for the “default” parent always, stick to your guns. This will be 10x a better trip when they’re closer to 5-6 I bet.
 
@ktb That’s the thing .. I already deal with post-partum and although I’ve been feeling better I really still don’t feel like myself. Not to mention my 18 month old still wakes up every two hours 😴 I’m open to a trip to Europe when they are little bit older.
 
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