Am I in the wrong?

[momof2napril]

@swapnaamanna It sounds like your relationship with her is okay. I’d sit her down and say something like

“Hubby told me something that broke my heart…. You don’t feel like a proper grandma. It makes me so sad to hear that. I want you to know that i trust you and want you to feel like grandma. Right now with little one being my first it feels like a lot to leave them, with anyone! But please know that I won’t feel this way forever and there will be lots of grandma days and times we need you where I feel ready. You haven’t done anything wrong. Is there something else that we can do that would help you feel connected to baby in a grandma way??” Maybe even bring her some lil gift like babys hand print on a nice coffee cup that says “grandmas are the greatest gift a child’s heart will ever know”. You could make it easily enough with a little DIY. Or maybe just type that out and use baby safe paint, add babies hand print, add a little heart and thrift a frame… presto.

 

[smallvolume123]

@swapnaamanna You’re not responsible for managing someone else’s feelings at the expense of your own comfort, especially when it comes to your child. If you are genuinely moved to have your MIL do more hands on care + have more one-on-one time with the baby, someone else suggested having her help out while you’re in the home but doing other things, and I agree that that could be a good entry point. I’d say it might be valid for your husband to ask for the baby to have one-on-one time with his mother because he’s invested in their relationship. But it’s not your duty to make sure that your MIL “feels like a grandmother.”

 

[jeremy1277]

@swapnaamanna This is why moms get postpartum depression. Your husband is wrong to pressure you. If you’re comfortable having the grandma visit then she should visit, but there is no reason for you to LEAVE your baby with anyone. Research actually shows it does not benefit your baby to leave them, and in fact negatively affects their attachment and brain development. It is no longer acceptable to push the Western narrative that “crying it out” or leaving your baby is helping them. If you have the fortune to not have to leave your baby, don’t let anyone make you do it before you want to. Your gut is telling you the right thing to do, and it is backed by science.

 

[godsprincess1991]

@swapnaamanna You’re not in the wrong. Don’t push yourself to be ready. You will be ready when you’re ready. Not on someone else’s timeline. It’s a her problem, not a you problem. Sounds like she’s using guilt to push for more / alone time. Remember it is your baby and you need to do what is best for you and her, nobody else. You do not need to please anyone with your choices but yourselves.